


If I Could Take You Away

by fadetomorrow



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 11:38:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 47,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadetomorrow/pseuds/fadetomorrow
Summary: When celebrity Park Chanyeol gets caught up in a scandal, Byun Baekhyun sees a prime opportunity to take advantage and use it to finally escape his soul-sucking job at a B-list tabloid. But when he discovers just what the real scandal is, his priorities shift.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was actually written for bottomchanyeol fest but there were some mixups on my part re: rules so now that reveals are over, i can post this. :) this ended up about 25k longer than i originally planned! i am great at planning!
> 
> eta: i forgot to mention that chanyeol is two years younger than baekhyun in this! tbh i don't remember why i did this.

Nothing major ever really happens on a Tuesday. Tuesdays are for sitting around at the office, dicking around and talking about anything except for the latest celebrity gossip. When gossip is what you do for a living, it takes the fun out of it.

Baekhyun slouches in his chair and stares at the ceiling, absolutely zero thoughts in his head. The seconds pass by achingly slow. He's about to feign a stomach bug when someone across the room lets out a loud gasp and an unnecessarily drawn out and dramatic _daebak_.

But then Baekhyun's phone lights up with notifications and okay, maybe something is going on. Suddenly the entire floor is buzzing and Baekhyun finally manages to click on one of the breaking stories to see what's going on.

`RISING ACTOR PARK CHANYEOL DATING RED VELVET'S IRENE`

There's two pictures in the article, terribly blurry, but just clear enough for it to be obvious that the man in them was Chanyeol and the woman someone who looked like Irene. The site which broke the news must have some other proof that it's her to explicitly call her out in the headline.

Their department boss is running around already, demanding for the news to be confirmed. Baekhyun jerks into action, fingers flying over the keyboard and scrolling through his phone to call contacts in the industry.

Nothing exciting ever really happens on a Tuesday. But when it does, it's big and Baekhyun can feel it in his bones that if he can take this scandal and run with it, he might finally get a break from this hell hole.

+

If someone had asked Baekhyun five years ago when he was still in college, working hard toward that comparative literature degree, junior reporter at a mid-tier gossip site would maybe be number 79 on his list of career options he'd consider. Number 78 would be the person who promotes sales at the supermarket, yelling into a microphone to all the aunties and stay at home moms shopping in the middle of the day.

But post-graduation he went through some tough stuff and now here he is, junior reporter at _Shutter_ writing sensational posts about celebrities and what they're wearing, where they've been, trying to spin the most mundane things into clickbait. Only a few of his friends know what he actually does, but Baekhyun's never told his family the truth. Even he understands that writing celebrity gossip is hardly something to be proud of. His parents and older brother think he has a normal office job while doing freelance writing on the side. Which he _is_ , it's just that no one's responding to his submissions.

His posts on _Shutter_ do okay though. He writes them under a pseudonym in case someone he knows actually consumes this garbage, but every now and then his posts end up in the top 5 most viewed of the day. Enough times that his plan to get his boss to let him own the Park Chanyeol scandal might actually be successful. He's got enough stubbornness and lack of shame that he definitely could dig up some more dirt and get an exclusive for the site. With that on his resume, even though it's celebrity sensationalism, it'll be closer to "real" news than the drivel he writes everyday and he can use it to get a better job at a real news outlet.

The next morning, Baekhyun arrives bright and early with a coffee in hand and is ecstatic to see that his boss is the only other person in the office. Still out of sight, he fixes his posture, tucks in his shirt, and makes sure his fly isn't down.

Even if he gets this, it still won't be what he really wants to do, but baby steps.

+

Baekhyun bursts into the bar he often frequented in Hongdae and takes a second to look for his friend, yelling Jongdae's name in excitement when he spots him at the counter and rushes over.

"I'm gonna be free!" Baekhyun hollers, flinging himself against Jongdae's back.

"Dude, people are looking," Jongdae says, but without any bite. He's probably just complaining because Baekhyun's jostling makes it hard for him to drink his vodka soda without spilling.

Baekhyun flags down the bartender and orders a vodka cranberry, extra cranberry, because he hates the taste of alcohol. "I'm going to become a real journalist," he says, hitting Jongdae's shoulder a bunch of times. "I convinced my boss to let me take the Park Chanyeol story."

Jongdae raises an eyebrow. "Really? You hate working at a gossip site, but you willingly took on covering a scandal?"

"It's a scandal, but it's _newsworthy_ ," Baekhyun says, smoothing out a crumpled bill the best he can before handing it to the bartender in exchange for his drink. "We missed out on getting the first break, but if anyone can get more dirt on this, you know it's me. And then my story will go super viral and I can finally leave the hellhole that's my company and go to a real institution of journalism."

"Somehow, your plan seems faulty."

"It's the best option I've had in a long time."

"Versus me offering to introduce you to the executive writer of Superman," Jongdae says dryly. "Yes, what a _terrible_ opportunity." Unlike Baekhyun, Jongdae parted from university with a more respectable job. He ended up securing an internship at one of the big three networks and has worked his way up to being a producer at one of the major weekly music shows. Sure, Baekhyun knows that a reference from him would go miles, but he never liked anything which he didn't feel like was earned.

Plus. "You know scripting isn't what I want to do," Baekhyun says, taking a sip of his drink. The vodka is pretty masked, but it's still there in the aftertaste and he sticks out his tongue briefly at it. "Not all writing is the same."

Jongdae nodded tiredly, having heard all of this before. "You really think invading someone's privacy even more is going to boost you into the upper echelons of journalism?"

Baekhyun frowns. "You make me sound like I have no morals."

"I'm just saying." Jongdae shrugs one shoulder. "I met the guy a couple years ago, when he did an OST for one of the dramas he was in. It was just a greeting, but he seemed sweet."

"Journalism has no place for emotional investment."

"I didn't realize the code of ethics applied to dating scandals."

Baekhyun pouted. "Can you stop giving me shit and just be happy for me?" he says, dunking his lime garnish into the glass. "You know I've been trying to get out of this place for over a year. This is my best chance."

Jongdae considered Baekhyun for a moment, lips pulled into a straight line, then sighed heavily and patted Baekhyun on the back. "Okay, I'm happy for you. I just wish these scandals would happen to the asshole celebrities for once."

"I keep telling you to name names."

Jongdae snorts and finishes his drink. "And have it traced back to me and never get a job in Seoul again? Sure." Baekhyun's a little hurt that Jongdae doesn't have confidence in his ability to keep his sources anonymous, but he gets it. Jongdae's worked hard the past six years to get where he is and in such a competitive industry, no one wants to take unnecessary risks.

Baekhyun forces himself to chug the rest of his drink. "Tomorrow, I start digging," he says and points a finger in Jongdae's face. "Tonight, we get barbecue and celebrate by ordering the medium priced cuts of beef."

That probably won't happen. They'll probably get to the restaurant and Baekhyun will look at the prices and think about his low bank balance and say something to Jongdae about how the cheap cuts end up tasting better anyway. Jongdae, because he is a good friend, Baekhyun's closest thing to a best friend, will agree as if Baekhyun hadn't said anything at all earlier.

Baby steps.

+

After a couple days of, honestly, truly impressive cajoling, Baekhyun gets information from one of his high school classmates about where Chanyeol lives. She's a real estate agent now in Gangnam and gets a celebrity through her doors every now and then. He has to reassure her a hundred times that no one will know the information came from her, but the important thing is that he got it. Honestly, if he had just lurked around the main haunts long enough, he probably could have figured it out himself – celebrities like to congregate together – but he doesn't have the luxury of time.

Chanyeol's apartment complex is in a quiet part of Apgujeong, one of those high rises right along the river. Baekhyun honestly doesn't expect to find anything around there, but it's a place to start. He dresses in what he dubs couch potato chic: long white t-shirt, track pants, and slippers, plus a bucket hat to round out the outfit. Since he doesn't own anything of actual value, the second best thing he can do is look like the rich chaebol kids who don streetwear costing more than his entire year's salary and walk around like assholes who don't know how to wear clothes that actually fit them.

Looking in the mirror, Baekhyun doesn't think he did too bad. From a distance, no one would know that he's wearing stuff picked up from the cheap mall in Dongdaemun, where tiny aunties give discounts and are willing to haggle if you go in with cash.

Yeah, he can totally do this.

+

Baekhyun can't do this.

It's night four of him hanging around this rich, sterile neighborhood where everything looks the same, nothing is out of order, and nothing has character. He knew that this whole thing would take some persistence, but had underestimated how soul sucking it'd be. He wanders around aimlessly for hours each night, knowing anyone could see him through their windows and realize he doesn't actually belong there and call the cops on him. He's also been alternating between the same two outfits because he doesn't _actually_ make enough money to constantly be buying streetwear, even when it's knock-offs.

The grand plans about this being Baekhyun's big break lose more of their sheen each day. He starts to wonder what he was thinking, that getting the dirt on some celebrity scandal would do anything to help his career.

It's almost midnight and the last train of the night leaves in less than an hour. Baekhyun's about to call it for tonight when he rounds the corner and hears something faint from the park. It's probably just a stray cat. But it sounds more like a person crying and Baekhyun isn't good at minding his own business.

The vague shape of a person comes into view, sitting on the curb of the sidewalk. They're definitely crying with their head in their arms, shoulders shaking. Baekhyun really should go, but he feels bad that this person is alone right now. He purposely makes some noise as he walks up, letting his feet drag against the asphalt, and the other person's head jerks up.

For a moment, Baekhyun thinks he's hallucinating. He hasn't been sleeping that much, going into the office during normal hours and then spending his evenings out here. It has to be sleep deprivation making him see things because that's the only explanation for why he's looking at the face of Park Chanyeol right now.

He falters just a little, stumbling over nothing, but recovers just as quick. He's not imagining things, it's definitely Park Chanyeol, though he hardly looks like himself. Even under the bad street lighting, Baekhyun can see that Chanyeol's face is blotchy and his eyes puffy. Chanyeol rubs his hands over his face and looks in the opposite direction as if that'll help him go unnoticed. His body language is clearly uninviting, but for Baekhyun this is his only chance.

"Sorry, hi," Baekhyun says, making his voice as gentle as possible. "Are you okay?"

Chanyeol ignores him, which is fair. But it takes a lot more to get rid of Baekhyun.

"Right, random stranger talking to you. It's probably creepy. I just want to make sure you're okay. This doesn't seem like the kind of neighborhood where you get a lot of public breakdowns."

That makes Chanyeol snort and Baekhyun grabs at it, taking the chance to sit down next to Chanyeol, not too close.

There had been more articles written in the past week and it didn't seem like this whole scandal was going away anytime soon. Everyone wanted to know when they started dating and how serious they were, waiting for an official comment from Chanyeol's agency. All they had gotten today was a "we're discussing it with Chanyeol" notice, though Baekhyun wonders what exactly they discussed for the guy to be crying out in public in the middle of the night.

"Bad day?" Baekhyun tries, pretending to find his cuticles more fascinating than this conversation.

Chanyeol is quiet and Baekhyun thinks this is going to be harder than he thought, but Chanyeol runs his hand through his already messy hair and says, "Bad week."

"That sucks."

"Yeah. Well."

"My boss yelled at me today," Baekhyun says to fill the silence. If there's anything he knows how to do, it's talking. "I'm having trouble completing a project and he's pissed thinking I'm just wasting time and was never good enough to be put on the project in the first place." All of that was actually true. Baekhyun did get yelled at for coming into the office empty-handed yet again when other gossip sites were somehow getting leads, even though when Baekhyun looked they all seemed to be grasping at straws. But to his boss, that had still been more than what Baekhyun was doing. "Probably not as bad as what you're going through, but I don't know. I get the feeling, that's all."

"Bosses are pretty terrible," Chanyeol says, tugging the sleeves of his sweatshirt over his hands. Sitting on the ground makes his knees as tall as his chest and he hugs them and Baekhyun is reminded of a small child whose had their feelings hurt. What had Chanyeol's bosses told him today? Did he get in trouble for dating when he was explicitly told not to? Has his company threatened to kick him out for disobeying?

It would be incredible if Baekhyun could confirm it and leak the news first.

They sit there in silence with Baekhyun trying not to stare too much. He starts singing softly just because he hates the quiet that much, has never been good about it since he was a child, and honestly he doesn't really know what he's still doing here. It's silly to think that Chanyeol would open up to some stranger who happened to be in the neighborhood, but when he chances another glance, Chanyeol's watching him. He's not smiling or anything, but he's also not telling Baekhyun to shut up and go away, so that's something.

"You have a good voice," Chanyeol says quietly when Baekhyun stops and clears his throat.

"Lots of practice in the shower," Baekhyun says proudly, encouraged when he sees the smallest hint of a smile break across Chanyeol's face.

Chanyeol's good looking, Baekhyun will give him that. Even dressed in sweats and with no hair and makeup done, there's something beautiful about him. Baekhyun's had his share of crushes on male idols and actors growing up. He's sure if he were still in school, he'd be a member of Chanyeol's fan cafe.

A glance at his phone tells Baekhyun that if he doesn't leave soon he's going to miss the last train and he sure as hell doesn't have enough to afford a taxi across town. "I don't know if I'm being intrusive," he says, digging into his fanny pack for pen and paper. He kind of feels dumb wearing it but Jongdae had been adamant that all the idols had them. He writes his name and number on a blank sheet and tears it off, holding it out to Chanyeol. "If you want someone to talk to or just, a stranger to vent at who won't judge you, I'm your guy."

At first, Chanyeol just stares, but eventually accepts the scrap of paper from Baekhyun. He doesn't say thank you, but does nod slightly. Baekhyun will take it.

Standing up, Baekhyun dusts off his butt. "I hope next week gets better for you," he says and gives a little wave. "If it does, if it doesn't, either way. You can drop a note."

He walks off and throws another wave over his shoulder as he disappears around the corner. He breaks out into a run after that because he honestly cannot miss the train, but hopes that his gamble works out in his favor, that Chanyeol won't just toss his number into the trash as soon as he gets home.

It's past one in the morning when he finally trudges into his tiny studio and collapses into bed. He manages to wrestle the ridiculous fanny pack off and most of his clothes. Getting the serendipitous chance of meeting Chanyeol should have him ecstatic, especially when he was so down in the dumps earlier about this whole assignment, but after a whole week of this he's just exhausted. Maybe Chanyeol will contact him, maybe he won't, but Baekhyun's done the best he can and now he's going to leave the rest up to chance.

Curling up in his sheets, Baekhyun's out like a lamp in seconds.

+

It's not that surprising that Baekhyun's phone stays silent. He gets plenty of messages from his friends and family, but as the days go by, Baekhyun's hope that Chanyeol would reach out to him grows dimmer. It was a long shot anyway.

Baekhyun finally gives in that Friday, dragging his feet into his boss's office to say that he's probably not going to get any new dirt, at least not this news cycle. There's hardly anything left to report since that morning Chanyeol's agency released yet another blank statement about working with Chanyeol and the other agency to figure out the truth and asking for the fans' continued patience and support.

Of course, Baekhyun's boss yells at him again, really drives in the fact that Baekhyun's spent two weeks on this with nothing to show for it, not a single article. Baekhyun is half expecting to be fired for this, but he gets relegated to doing grunt work instead, stuff that kids right out of college are supposed to do. Taking coffee orders, making copies, taking minutes during meetings. It's humiliating, but Baekhyun doesn't have a choice. Being without a paycheck would be worse.

Sehun does the same things as him, but he's also two years younger and this is his first job out of university. It's what he's supposed to be doing. Baekhyun got along with the kid almost immediately and just barely stomachs the looks of pity Sehun gives him when their boss purposely calls Baekhyun in to make him run a menial errand.

He's at the coffee shop down the street with two sticky notes in hand filled with orders. There's another poor office worker in front of him rambling off a list of drinks. Baekhyun feels both a sense of camaraderie and annoyance, the latter since he's going to have to wait even longer for his order to be finished. The guy in front is paying when Baekhyun's phone buzzes in his pocket.

When Baekhyun looks, it's a text from an unknown number.

_> > still bad. your offer still stands?_

It takes a moment for things to click into place. Baekhyun is still trying to process that Chanyeol actually contacted him when the person behind him snaps that it's his turn to order. He stutters out an apology and shoves his phone back into his pocket, shuffling up to the counter. Somehow, he pulls it together long enough to order and pay, then quickly moves off to the side.

Baekhyun stares at the text again, thumbs hovering over the keyboard. _of course_ , he sends back. _rant away._

Nothing comes through while he's waiting for his 8 person order to be done. Or by the time he gets back to the office, sweating through his shirt. At least a couple people say thanks when he brings around their drinks, but his boss just mutters something about why it took so long and closes the door in his face.

Baekhyun swings by Sehun's desk and drops into the empty chair next to him with a big sigh, spinning around with his head lolled back.

"Should've just gone into finance like my mom said," Baekhyun mumbles. All those years convincing his family members that he could go into the competitive world of journalism and now he isn't even allowed to write garbage tabloid articles.

"You tried," Sehun says, monotone. Sometimes Sehun likes to say things he gets from the internet and even though Baekhyun writes — or used to write — clickbait articles, he isn't great at picking up internet slang and unless it's obvious he can never tell if Sehun is just saying something because he's Sehun or because he's referencing a meme. It's not something Baekhyun likes to clarify either to avoid getting ridiculed as entering official Old Person status.

The rest of the day is filled with busywork. One of Baekhyun's other coworkers takes pity on him and gives him some research to do for a list article about the "hottest lip stains idols are wearing". He fills his search history with every celebrity he can think of and cosmetic review sites until the office starts filing out for the day.

It isn't until he's on the train, two stops away from his apartment, that his phone buzzes with a new message from Chanyeol. Rush hour means he's squeezed in between two businessmen who sweat too much and maybe he's paranoid, but he turns the brightness down on his phone first before reading.

_> > you ever feel like adulthood would be better without adults_

_yeah constantly_

_> > i just wanna do my job but my boss cares more about money and how much of a return on investment i can be_

_yikes feel you on boss problems_

_> > what's yours like_

_you know the editor in the spiderman comics? like him but more mean but also too mediocre to even be a supporting character_

Baekhyun wonders if referencing even a fictional editor might have warning signs go off on Chanyeol's end. He needs to be careful not to screw this up. His pitiful career could still be salvageable if he can get Chanyeol to open up to him and reveal something big.

_> > haha that's terrible  
>> my boss is just shallow and insecure_

_that still sucks. working for the man sucks_

_> > yeah but i tell myself it could be worse_

That's surprising. Baekhyun isn't sure what could be worse than being caught up in a scandal with the entire country focused on your personal life.

_yeah you could be me right now stuck in between two sweaty middle aged men_

_> > ?? what??_

_oops that came out wrong haha  
i'm on the metro and it's rush hour so_

_> > ah crowds. not my favorite either._

Baekhyun arrives at his stop and shoves his way off, sighing as he's finally able to breathe that fresh, city-polluted air. It's another ten minute walk up a hill to his apartment and he spends most of it being that person glued to their phone, completely oblivious to their surroundings. He's almost run over by a delivery person on a moped, but the near death experience is worth it because he thinks perhaps Chanyeol is warming up to him? He cracks a few jokes and Chanyeol responds well to them and by the time Baekhyun gets home, kicking off his shoes lazily and going right to the fridge for a beer, he finds he's also enjoying the conversation. It's easy to see why Jongdae had a positive impression of Chanyeol.

Chanyeol eventually ends the conversation and thanks Baekhyun for putting up with his complaining. Scrolling through their messages, Baekhyun isn't even sure where the complaining happened. All Chanyeol said was his boss was annoying, but whose boss wasn't annoying? Not that Baekhyun had expected Chanyeol to drop anything earth-shattering. He signs off telling Chanyeol to message him anytime and hopes that'll be enough. There isn't any use stressing over it and he goes about his nightly routine of a single person.

Two packs of ramen for dinner, leftover sweet and sour pork he ordered last night, and tuning in to whatever variety show is on tonight. The sight of it is probably a bit pitiful, but Baekhyun doesn't care. There's someone else somewhere doing the exact same thing.

As Baekhyun washes up for bed, he does wonder what Chanyeol had meant by saying his boss cared more about how much of a return on investment Chanyeol was. It seemed to be at odds with what was currently happening. No company wants a scandal since it causes shareholders to question the longevity of a celebrity, especially when it's a young man whose fanbase is over 90% females in their teens and twenties. Baekhyun's surprised no one's brought it up yet, but he finds it weird that Chanyeol's company never released a statement denying the relationship when news first broke. Agencies always do that first, even when they already know their artists are dating. It pacifies the more obsessed fanbase long enough for agencies to pay off tabloids from releasing more evidence or to force whatever unlucky couple to actually part ways.

Chanyeol's agency still hasn't said anything after their boring press release this morning and don't seem to care about all the wild speculation all the tabloids and online forums are fueling. Just that morning, Baekhyun saw another site claim that Chanyeol and Irene had already secretly gotten married. Most of the anonymous comments ridiculed the rumor as going too far, but it was still unusual to have a company be so laid-back during such a time, especially about one of their top assets.

The complete lack of damage control is suspicious, but Baekhyun sets it aside for now. It's not like he can go up to Chanyeol and ask about it no matter how much he's itching to.

At least tomorrow is Friday. Baekhyun just needs to suffer through one more day of coffee orders and then he can lock himself in for the weekend and wallow about the dismal state of his life.

+

After another two weeks, Baekhyun is ready to throw in the towel. He'd accidentally spilled his boss's iced americano all over the rug in his office, but only because he had tripped on the corner which had been folded over and that ended up with his boss tearing him a new one for the entire office to hear and a promise that the cleaning costs were going to come out of his paycheck. It had clearly just been an IKEA rug. Buying a new one would cost less than getting the existing cleaned. Baekhyun's boss had probably known that.

He manages to hold it together until he gets home where he collapses onto his flimsy futon and stares at the ceiling. Never has he had the urge to cry out of frustration, but he is pretty damn close right now, eyes stinging and it just makes him feel even more stupid.

He kind of wants his mom, but that would mean finally revealing he's been lying this whole time about his job. It doesn't prevent him from taking his phone out and hovering over her number though, even if he's ultimately blocked from calling out of shame.

Suddenly, in his desperation, he gets a wild idea.

His conversation with Chanyeol was still a one-off. Baekhyun hadn't heard from him again, but he needed to vent to someone and Chanyeol seemed to be the best option. To him, Baekhyun was a complete stranger, a blank slate with no expectations.

The worst thing that could happen is Chanyeol says he has no idea who Baekhyun is and asks to delete his number. With that mindset, Baekhyun opens up their two week old conversation and goes for it.

_can i vent too?_

Not expecting any type of response, Baekhyun decides to order some pizza. Another night of ramen would be so pathetic he wouldn't be able to recover. Just after he hangs up after putting in an order, his phone buzzes and he's shocked upright when he sees Chanyeol's name.

_> > of course. this is a 2 way rantlationship._

The pun is terrible, but Baekhyun cracks up a little anyway.

_i accidentally spilled coffee on my boss's rug today and got yelled at like a kid in front of the whole office._

_> > :( that really sucks_

_i have pretty tough skin but it was really humiliating but i also feel stupid that i'm letting such a tiny thing get to me._

_> > you're not stupid. what he did is horrible._

_thanks.  
how about you? things are better?_

_> > i guess. i think i've just gotten numb to everything that's going on._

_:\ that doesn't sound good._

_> > i know. just trying to cope however i can._

It's just some text, but Baekhyun frowns at how hopeless Chanyeol sounds. He gets another idea that's equally far-fetched, but Chanyeol actually replied to him despite the odds, so it's worth a shot.

_you can say no, but i just ordered pizza and it's just me so it's kind of sad.  
not sure where you are, but if you want to mope together…_

Baekhyun bites the knuckle of his thumb. A minute goes by, then two, and just when Baekhyun is about to accept that he aimed too high this time, Chanyeol's reply comes through.

_> > okay. why not. i'm in yeouido._

At this time of night, that's only a fifteen minute drive from Baekhyun's apartment. He sends through his address and bursts into action, the most energy he's probably displayed in weeks. His apartment is an absolute mess, clothes on the floor and the half of his bed he doesn't sleep on. There's half empty cans of cider and beer in his tiny kitchen, some which have probably been there for over a week. Thankfully, his studio is tiny so it only takes him ten minutes to tidy up and make a run downstairs to dump out his trash and recycling. At the same time, his studio is _tiny_ and he is panicking just a little that he's invited one of the most popular actors, who lives in Apgujeong, over to — what was it he said? Mope together?

He doesn't have enough time to process the shock. He nearly jumps out of his skin when the doorbell rings, but it's just the pizza. But that just means when it rings again ten minutes later, the only person it could be is Chanyeol.

It's a bit surreal for Baekhyun to open the door and see Chanyeol standing on his doorstep. He looks normal, like any friend Baekhyun might invite over for drinks. He's wearing a tracksuit and a baseball cap and is carrying two grocery bags.

"Hey," Chanyeol says, smiling. "I got the right place." He lifts the plastic bags. "I brought drinks."

Which is amazing because Baekhyun's stash was running low and this saves him a trip to the convenience store later. "You're a lifesaver," he says, opening the door wider for Chanyeol to step inside. "Sorry for the mess. And how cramped this place is."

Chanyeol shrugs as he toes off his shoes. They look like they're probably limited edition sneakers that would take Baekhyun at least four paychecks to be able to afford. If he stopped eating. "I've lived in much worse places."

Baekhyun knows most people who come to Seoul hoping to make it big sacrifice a lot at the beginning. He doesn't know too much about Chanyeol's backstory or if he's even spoken about it publicly. "Well then, welcome to luxury."

Chanyeol looks giant when he sits down on Baekhyun's puny little futon, but he doesn't complain and opens up a can of beer, handing it to Baekhyun first. "I don't think I've asked, but how old are you?"

"28," Baekhyun says around a mouthful of pizza.

"Oh, you're my hyung then," Chanyeol says, grinning. "A small hyung."

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "I am of an average height! You're the one who's abnormally giant."

"I'm 6'1 with shoes on."

"That is unnatural."

When Chanyeol laughs, the corners of his eyes wrinkle and he shows too much teeth. It shouldn't still be attractive, but it is, and Baekhyun supposes this is why some people achieve fame over others.

They chat about random things as they devour the pizza. Gaming which Baekhyun does a lot of but Chanyeol not so much. The latest trip Chanyeol went on which was to France and Baekhyun pouted in jealousy because he's never even left the country before. Their dogs which they have to call a truce for after pulling up every photo they had to insist their own was cuter. They talk about everything except for what Bekhyun invited Chanyeol here for, which is fine. Baekhyun feels lighter than he has in weeks.

They get through most of the beer Chanyeol brought so Baekhyun jumps up and goes to the fridge.

"Chanyeol, you want soju instead?" he says, but there's silence in response. When he looks over his shoulder, bemused, Chanyeol seems suddenly closed off. "What?"

"How do you know my name?"

Baekhyun wracks his brain and realizes he had given Chanyeol his name but in none of their conversations had Chanyeol done the same. Fuck. He thinks quickly on how to salvage his screw up.

"Because I know who you are," Baekhyun says, seeing no way around that part. "But I wasn't. I was just in the neighborhood that day and I felt bad when I heard someone crying. I didn't think it'd be you. I haven't told anyone about you, I swear." When Chanyeol still doesn't say anything, Baekhyun takes his phone and holds it out between them. "You can delete your number. You just looked like you needed someone to talk to."

Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun's phone, then at Baekhyun's face. Whatever he sees there has him shaking his head. "It's okay," he says, playing with the pop-tab of his beer. "If you had sold my information, I would've known it by now."

Baekhyun returns to the couch empty-handed and draws his legs up pretzel-style. "So how are things for you really?" he says, now that they both know what Baekhyun is actually talking about.

Chanyeol laughs, but it's hollow and sad and sounds so wrong coming from him. "Not great. Kind of miserable, actually."

"Is your company threatening to kick you out?"

Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun in confusion. "What?"

"If you don't break up with her."

"I — that's." Chanyeol rubs his hands over his face, clearly debating how much to actually reveal.

"Sorry, you don't have to tell me anything," Baekhyun says, volunteering an out for Chanyeol. He gets up again and heads back to the kitchen, poking around in the cupboards for snacks. He finds a pack of dried squid and some peanuts and lets out a little whoop of excitement. He also grabs the single bottle of soju he has left in the fridge and two glasses. For the soju, he makes a big show of opening it when he returns, shaking it a few times before doing some weird arm acrobatics to twist the top off.

Baekhyun holds out his glass for a toast, but Chanyeol hasn't moved. Instead, he takes a deep breath and says, "We're not dating. It's all made up."

"I'm not following?" Baekhyun says slowly.

Chanyeol covers his mouth with one hand as he talks. "The whole thing. It's all fake. My agency negotiated something and leaked the story themselves."

"What? Why?"

"To cover up the real scandal," Chanyeol says, hesitating again. He exhales shakily and drags both hands through his hair and he looks so vulnerable Baekhyun almost wants to swaddle him up and tell him he doesn't have to say anything he doesn't want to say. Almost. "That I like men."

Static fills Baekhyun's head. He doesn't know what words he had expected to come out of Chanyeol's mouth. Something about drugs. Or accidentally getting the girl pregnant. But not this. Chanyeol's face crumples when Baekhyun stays speechless and he gets up in a rush, grabbing his jacket.

"Fuck, I shouldn't have said anything," Chanyeol says, taking a step toward the door, but turning back to Baekhyun instead. "You can't — _please_ don't tell anyone."

Baekhyun forces his voice to work again. "They… made up a scandal so no one would find out you're gay. They're forcing you to pretend to date a woman."

Chanyeol's panic recedes a bit. "I — yeah."

"What the _fuck_?" Baekhyun stands and points a finger at Chanyeol's chest. "That is _fucked up_. I mean, I get it. There are bigots out there who still think we're wrong and disgusting, but forcing you to — that's crossing a fucking line."

Chanyeol looks surprised at Baekhyun's anger and truthfully, Baekhyun is too. The place inside him where it's coming from was something he thought he'd moved past years ago. Apparently not. He takes a step back.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"It's okay," Chanyeol says, not knowing where to look. "Thanks, I guess."

Not that it was ever Baekhyun's intention, but if he'd had any desire to use this chance to get his normal job back, it's all gone now. He's still kind of fuming, thinking about what Chanyeol had wrote to him weeks ago about needing to be a good return on investment, and it's not like he didn't know the pathetic depths to which the entertainment industry could go, but to see it in front of him is a different thing altogether and he's not handling it well.

When Baekhyun was in grade school, about 11 or 12, he had acted different from the other boys in class. Too willing to dress up as the girl for talent shows. Too effeminate sometimes when he joked around with friends. It just took one student saying something to their parents for a whole group of them to file a complaint with the school and he still recalls with clarity the humiliation of sitting in front of the principal with his parents next to him and being told he would need to change his behavior or "we suggest he might do better in a different environment."

His parents, at least, had recognized there was nothing wrong with him but everything wrong with the school. But even then, when they had sent Baekhyun off to his grandmother's, they encouraged him in soft, ashamed voices to be a little more reserved at the new school, that the most important thing was that he did well in his studies so he could get into a good university. Only out of respect for his parents did he follow their suggestion, but the moment high school was over, he left for Seoul and never looked back.

It isn't that much better here, though, and that had been a tough pill to swallow. There are pockets within certain neighborhoods where he can go and people don't care how he dresses or acts. He's met some assholes, but really good friends too, who empathized with his childhood, another story they've heard before. Even with the network he's built, he still hates how often he's asked about a girlfriend and has to pretend he actually wants one.

Maybe Baekhyun's anger isn't about his past. Maybe it's that he looks at Chanyeol and remembers the first time he saw him, so seemingly small in that deserted street, and knows that Chanyeol has been alone in this his whole life and was going to continue being alone if Baekhyun hadn't found him.

"Where are you going?" Baekhyun says, taking Chanyeol's jacket from him and draping it over the single armchair in his studio. "You're not driving home like this."

He goes over to his closet and rummages around for the largest clothes he has, glad that his past self went through a phase of buying oversized shirts.

"You're staying here," Baekhyun says, shoving a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants against Chanyeol's chest. "I'll take the futon." He starts cleaning up, dumping all their empty beer cans into a spare bag.

"I can't take your bed."

"You barely fit on the futon just sitting, there's no way you're going to sleep on it," Baekhyun says, his tone leaving no room for argument. Chanyeol looks properly chastised and slinks off to the bathroom to change. Baekhyun yells through the door that he has extra toothbrushes in the mirror cabinet, then makes his second trip of the night to throw away the trash.

By the time he comes back, Chanyeol is standing in the middle of his studio looking lost. Baekhyun's shirt fits him just fine, but the pants are clearly too short, ending above Chanyeol's ankles. It's a cute look though, but Baekhyun files that thought away.

"It's not that late," Chanyeol says, scratching the back of his head. "I can just get a taxi home, come get my car tomorrow."

The microwave display shows that it's 11pm. On a Friday night, that means there's plenty of taxis out to meet the demands of the nightlife crowd. Baekhyun puts his hands on his waist.

"I won't force you to stay," he says. "But it makes me uncomfortable if you just go home after telling me all that and have to be by yourself."

"It does?"

"I know you've been dealing with this on your own for weeks now, but it's clearly affecting you. If I have to guilt you by saying it would make me feel better if you stayed, then okay, that's what I'm saying."

To Baekhyun's surprise, Chanyeol starts laughing. Quiet, at first, until he has to cover his mouth though it's still easy to see the grin behind his hand.

"Was that funny?"

Chanyeol shakes his head. "Sorry, I'm sorry." He takes a deep breath to calm himself. "You're just. Channeling mother hen really hard right now. It's kind of cute for someone your size."

Baekhyun scoffs. "How dare you," he says, but doesn't have much else of a comeback. It's kind of nice to see Chanyeol's genuine smile.

Later, when all that's lighting up Baekhyun's tiny apartment is the glow of their phones, Chanyeol says, "Thanks."

"For what? The pizza? I'll be invoicing you by the slice."

Chanyeol snorts. "For finding me that night."

Baekhyun clears his throat. "Well. You know. I'm a very magnanimous person. So, you're welcome."

Chanyeol barely fits in Baekhyun's full size bed. He sleeps with his feet sticking out of the blanket on purpose and curled up on his side. Baekhyun stays awake until Chanyeol's breathing evens out and the whole city is silent around them.

+

In the morning, the first time Baekhyun wakes up he sees a figure walk in front of him and slip into the bathroom. The second time he wakes up, it's to the sound of someone in his kitchen and the unmistakable smell of eggs and spam in the air.

He can feel how terrible his bedhead is and tries to pat it down, but it's no use. His phone is almost dead since he forgot to charge it overnight, but it tells him it's just before 8am. He's never up this early on a Saturday. Who in their right mind would want to be awake right now?

Chanyeol is already back in his own clothes, but has on the Rilakkuma apron Baekhyun's brother had gotten him as a housewarming gift. It looks both ridiculous and adorable on him and Baekhyun huffs out a quiet laugh, eyes still barely open as he collapses onto the bar stool facing the kitchen.

"You know your kitchen is stocked like you're still a student in university."

"I like to feel young," Baekhyun croaks, leaning over to grab a packet of instant coffee mix. Chanyeol is already one step ahead of him, filling the kettle with water and turning it on. In the time it takes for the water to boil, Chanyeol has placed on the counter two bowls of rice, kimchi, egg rolls, and fried slices of spam. "Am I in the right apartment?"

"Let me guess, this place has never seen a home-cooked meal before?" Chanyeol says, coming around to sit next to Baekhyun.

"How dare you insult me after I have fed you, _clothed you_ ," Baekhyun says.

"I figured cooking breakfast already balanced that out," Chanyeol says, laying a piece of spam on top of Baekhyun's bowl. "I'll even do the dishes."

"Are all celebrities like you?"

"What's like me?"

"Dudes you'd bring home to your mom," Baekhyun mumbles into his cup of coffee, biting down on the rim. Chanyeol looks way too pleased but he pretends not to see. "Aren't you guys supposed to be assholes? Drama queens or whatever."

Chanyeol laughs. "There's plenty of assholes in the industry. _Plenty_."

"Oh my god, please name names," Baekhyun says, even going so far as to clasp his hands together. "I have a friend who works at one of the music shows but he's all paranoid about his 'job' and 'reputation' and 'hireability' and won't give me any dirt."

Chanyeol finishes chewing and swallows and says, "Kyungsoo?"

Baekhyun's face falls. "Wait. Do Kyungsoo?" Chanyeol nods. "Really? Do Kyungsoo who won all the best new actor awards last year for that hyung movie? No! I liked him!"

Chanyeol tsks and shakes his head. "Yeah, bummer."

Baekhyun hits Chanyeol's shoulder, ignoring the yelp of pain which results. "Why did you tell me that?" He glares at Chanyeol who stares back before bursting into laughter, nearly spitting his mouthful of rice everywhere.

"I'm just fucking with you," Chanyeol says, pointing at Baekhyun. "I didn't think you'd react like that. Kyungsoo's one of my best friends. We met a few years ago when we both had tiny one line roles for some high school drama that barely got any ratings. He's great."

That just makes Baekhyun punch Chanyeol's arm again. "Jerk," he says, clearly not meaning any of it.

"Some of the older actors are kind of gross," Chanyeol says, mouth twisting to the side. "They like to make borderline insensitive comments or try to hit on the younger female staff and play it off like they're just joking. It's shitty."

"That is shitty," Baekhyun says. "Maybe just tell me who's not an asshole."

Chanyeol lists a couple other actors Baekhyun has heard of and a few idols too, but Baekhyun is already too old to recognize all of them. "Oh, there's Jongin, too."

"Who?"

"Kim Jongin. He was in that movie where he played a ballerino and single-handedly caused enrollment of boys in ballet classes to increase 500% across the country."

Baekhyun makes a noise of recognition. "You mean abs guy."

Chanyeol laughs. "Yeah, him. But if you ever run into him, don't call him that. He turns into a tomato when people compliment him about anything."

"That sounds like all the more reason to do it."

"Now you just sound like me."

For so early in the morning on a weekend, Baekhyun can't remember the last time he's actually enjoyed being up. Chanyeol is awfully good company and a part of Baekhyun wishes they might be real friends. But he knows that's unlikely. After this, Chanyeol will go back to his life and Baekhyun to his 9 to 5, likely getting berated again over something out of his control.

Still.

"Hey," Baekhyun says as Chanyeol slips his shoes on, ready to leave. "You know where I live now. If your agency continues to be shitty, you know. You're always welcome."

"Thanks," Chanyeol says, slipping on his jacket. Then, after a pause: "Hyung."

Baekhyun watches from his front window Chanyeol get into his car and waves when it drives off even though Chanyeol clearly can't see him. His studio, usually just him most of the time anyway, seems ghostly in its silence when he turns around. The dishes are washed and drying on the rack. The blanket on his bed folded up into a neat rectangle at the foot of the bed. It's like no one was even there.

Baekhyun does not let himself hope.

+

The next couple of weeks are like night and day compared to before. Chanyeol texts him nearly every day, asks how he's doing, passes on photos of his poodle Toben that his mom took, guilts him into buying meat and actual produce even though Baekhyun is sure the latter will just rot away in his fridge.

Chanyeol just says he'll come over and cook something before that happens.

At least one silver lining is that the messages make Baekhyun's day to day just marginally more bearable. His boss is still an asshole, but the novelty of treating Baekhyun like shit seems to be wearing off. Part of it is because another employee screws up enough to take some of the attention, losing copies of photos they had taken of some B-rated actor coming out of a noraebang with a woman who seemed likely to be an escort. Baekhyun would feel bad, but he barely knows the new person who fucked up and, mostly, he's too eager to stop being the runt of the office.

Baekhyun gets into the habit of keeping up with Chanyeol's activities. The gossip cycle around his dating life finally began to wane and articles about his actual job started to pop up to the top of the trending list again. There's still a subset of netizens demanding answers from his agency about just what the hell is going on with Chanyeol's relationship or lack thereof, but for all intents and purposes, Chanyeol's agency pretends they don't even see it.

It shows in Chanyeol's mood. The other day he filmed a commercial for a skincare brand and the behind the scenes video and photos showed him smiling much more easily than he had in over a month. In his messages to Baekhyun are a lot of happy emojis and stickers and Baekhyun can't help the relief he feels that Chanyeol is doing so much better.

Which is to say, he's also waiting for the other shoe to drop. For Chanyeol to return to business as usual and forget to reply to Baekhyun and for their conversation to disappear from Chanyeol's radar completely.

It's a little unsettling when it doesn't. When another week goes by and Chanyeol starts to send him selfies with puppy ear filters on them, the ones which make his already large eyes even bigger. Baekhyun simultaneously wants Chanyeol to stop and never stop at the same time.

Then Chanyeol texts him one evening saying he has an off day next week and if Baekhyun wants to hang out. Baekhyun wants to ask why Chanyeol's famous friends aren't available, but bites his tongue in case the question prompts Chanyeol to rescind the offer. So he agrees without question and allows himself to be subjected to Chanyeol's particularly intense excitement in response.

"Are you sure it's not a date?"

Baekhyun is great keeping secrets as long as he gets to tell just one person about them before swearing to keep his mouth shut until he dies. Chanyeol's personal information, that he'd take to the grave for sure without telling a _soul_ , but the whole hanging out thing was physically painful to keep to himself.

"There's no precedence for this being a date," Baekhyun says to Jongdae, making a horrified face at the idea of it.

"You're going to see a movie and then get dinner," Jongdae says flatly. "There's nothing more cookie cutter than that."

"He hasn't been a normal movie-goer in over a year!" Baekhyun says. "And obviously we're going to be hungry after! It's just practical."

Jongdae shrugs and waves down the bartender to close out their tab. "Still sounds like one to me."

Baekhyun finishes his drink, making a slight face at the concentration of alcohol that had sank to the bottom. "Does that even make sense?" he says. "Are we in a drama? Rich, famous guy meets and serendipitously falls for the normal guy next door who is constantly on the verge of losing his job. Please."

"No one said anything about falling for you," Jongdae says, pushing away Baekhyun's hand when he tries to hand over a few bills to cover part of the tab. "Besides, what about when he finds out why you were really in his neighborhood that night?"

Baekhyun had honestly forgotten about that and blanches, feeling sick. It could be the single drink he had, or more likely, crushing guilt. He had already lost all interest in digging up more dirt on Chanyeol before that night he invited him over, but after Chanyeol's confession he _really_ didn't want anything to do with it unless it was to reveal how Chanyeol's agency was worse than filth.

"He won't," Baekhyun says, biting his lower lip. "You're the only one who knows, really. And I gave up before I really even started. It's not like I actually got dirt and changed my mind at the last second to publish it."

Jongdae knocks back the reset of his drink and looks at his phone to check the time. "If you're sure," he says, shooting Baekhyun a look that makes him feel like he's getting admonished by his mom. "But you're insistent that it isn't going to be a date, so I guess it doesn't really matter."

It doesn't matter, or it shouldn't. Still, Jongdae's words don't do much to make the heavy pit in his stomach disappear.


	2. Chapter 2

It's a Tuesday night that Chanyeol has off. Baekhyun reasons that it definitely can't be a date because dates never happen on Tuesdays. Sure, Chanyeol's scandal broke out on a Tuesday, but that was a fluke, an exception to the rule. This is different. It's too early in the work week and there's never any exciting things happening in the city. Chanyeol meets him at the movie theater and it's a wonder no one recognizes him when he's so much taller than everyone else and dresses like he has money. Then again, the neighborhood they're in has plenty of people who dress like they have money.

Chanyeol's in all black: jeans that are almost too tight, a t-shirt, and a worn leather jacket. A black cap completes his look and despite how casually he's dressed, Baekhyun's throat goes a little dry because it's still a very good look.

"You made it," Chanyeol says, walking up to Baekhyun who had shown up a few minutes ago and was loitering in the lobby.

Baekhyun doesn't say anything about how he had spent the whole afternoon talking himself out of canceling. "Well, when a famous actor asks me out," he says, definitely making sure it's obvious he's joking, "I try to move my schedule around."

Chanyeol laughs but doesn't say anything about the remark. He drops his hand on Baekhyun's shoulder. It's almost too warm. "Let's go buy tickets."

They get those and then popcorn and drinks. The sodas they get two of but the popcorn is shared. Baekhyun settles into his seat in the theater and can't believe he's going to have a mental breakdown trying to figure out what separate drinks, but shared popcorn means. He's a grown man, nearly 30, who seizes up when Chanyeol gives him the popcorn to hold and stares steadfastly as the previews play when Chanyeol reaches into his lap to grab handfuls of it.

"You okay?" Chanyeol says, leaning over the armrest, which is down and Chanyeol hasn't done or said anything to indicate he wants it out of the way.

"Uh huh," Baekhyun says, who holds out the bag. "Are you sure you don't want it?"

Chanyeol shakes his head. "Your arms might be too short to reach," he says with a grin and that breaks Baekhyun out of his crisis for now.

"Asshole," Baekhyun says and punches Chanyeol's shoulder to show that he can reach just fine.

The movie is some spy thriller and it's fine. The plot isn't that hard to follow so Baekhyun zones out a bit, watches Chanyeol out the corner of his eye but pretends like he isn't. He hates Jongdae for putting the idea in his head. Before this, at best, Baekhyun thought maybe they really could be friends and that would have been fine. Really amazing, actually. But now he's thinking perhaps it could be more than that, which is wild and ridiculous, but sticks firm in the front of his mind now that it's there.

He isn't even sure Chanyeol caught what Baekhyun insinuated the other night, that he likes guys too, or if he had just been persuaded to stay by the depth of Baekhyun's anger. Caught up in his thoughts, he misses the ending of the movie completely and snaps out of it when the credits roll and the lights come back up. Chanyeol stretches his arms over his head and smiles at Baekhyun.

"Did you like it?"

"Yeah," Baekhyun says. "Spies. Action. Fighting. What's not to like?"

Chanyeol laughs and sits back again, sipping at his soda. Baekhyun catches on that they're waiting for most of the audience to file out first. "I haven't been to see a real movie in almost a year. In high school my friends and I would go to the movies practically every week."

When Baekhyun frowns, Chanyeol huffs out another laugh and waves off his concern.

"Don't feel sorry for me," Chanyeol says. "I haven't been to the movies because I've been too busy getting popular. It's a decent trade-off."

Decent until your agency decides to fabricate a scandal to keep secrets which aren't even shameful from getting out. But Baekhyun keeps that part to himself.

It's early spring, so the night air is still cool when they finally leave. Baekhyun didn't have the foresight to bring a light jacket and shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans, shoulders scrunching up when a breeze picks up. Chanyeol had suggested going to a pocha stand for dinner, since he hasn't been able to do that for a while either. Baekhyun isn't sure he wants to sit outside for an hour or more like this.

A sudden warmth envelopes him and he looks down to see Chanyeol's leather jacket draped around his shoulders. He stops walking and stares at Chanyeol.

"You looked like one of those toy dogs that constantly shiver," Chanyeol says, taking his cap off briefly to comb his fingers through it. "I run warm anyway."

The question of what this night is almost bursts forth just then, but Baekhyun keeps his lips pressed tightly together except to mumble a thanks. He keeps the jacket because it's toasty and smells nice and it's probably the most expensive thing that's ever touched Baekhyun's body.

Off of the main roads, they find a small pocha stand with enough seating for just 6 people, bar style. There's a couple there already on one end and they take the other. Chanyeol immediately asks for soju and some skewers and sundae.

It's easy to talk to Chanyeol. Not that talking too little has ever been a problem for Baekhyun, but there's still plenty of people he doesn't get along with. But not with Chanyeol. He reminisces about growing up at his grandmother's and how his music tastes skew old because of her playing WWII trot records all the time when he was in high school. Talks about how much he hates the idea of working 9 to 5 for the rest of his life, but doesn't know how to break out of it. He avoids revealing exactly what he does for a living, telling Chanyeol that he works for a publisher.

Baekhyun learns about Chanyeol's family, about how his sister just got married a few months ago and how surprisingly lonely he'd felt after the wedding, knowing that the business he was in probably meant he wouldn't be able to settle down for a while, if ever. That makes Baekhyun angry all over again and maybe his face shows it too much because Chanyeol pacifies him with a weak smile and shrugs.

"It's not what you're thinking," Chanyeol says, refilling their glasses. "It's just hard to meet people and that makes it even harder to settle down. I've talked to lots of seniors who are still single because of that."

"You seem like you really want it though."

Chanyeol scrunches his nose briefly. "I just never grew out of being a hopeless romantic, that's all."

Baekhyun is a physically affectionate person on any given day. Add in alcohol and he's doubly so. As the night goes on, Baekhyun is warmed by the soju and Chanyeol's jacket and Chanyeol's jokes and he leans into it, his private laugh slipping out, the one where he knows is too loud and teeters on the edge of abrasive. If Chanyeol is put off by it, he doesn't show any indication.

It's almost midnight when they finally leave, bowing an excessive number of times to the auntie running the food stand when they say goodbye, their good mood overflowing. Baekhyun sings whatever song pops into his head, mostly popular singles from a few years back when he was still in university, as they meander back toward the main road. Next to him, Chanyeol watches him with a gentle, considering smile that makes Baekhyun think, _maybe_.

It's probably because he's not sober that he stops Chanyeol in the middle of an empty street and says, "Was this a date?"

The nervous, but endearing way Chanyeol scratches the back of his neck is enough of an answer, but Baekhyun waits for the words anyway. "I — yeah. Sort of. I mean, yes. I wanted this to be."

"Wow," Baekhyun says, before his brain can stop himself. "A hot actor wants me."

That only serves to make Chanyeol more flustered and he laughs a little, looking off to the side. Baekhyun can barely see his eyes under his cap, the brim pulled low. "You only care about my looks?"

"No!" Baekhyun rushes to say. "I'm not shallow like that."

"What if I'm shallow though?" Chanyeol says and Baekhyun is not prepared at all for this abrupt shift in confidence. He swallows and stares up at Chanyeol who is looking at him so intensely all of a sudden and it's good, he supposes, that his cheeks are already flush from the soju and can't get any more red.

"You're," Baekhyun says, his voice barely coming out, "that is — this is completely out of line for a first date!" He resumes their walk, taking a few steps only to look back and see Chanyeol still standing there, smiling after him. A small part of him underneath the buzz of alcohol recognizes how embarrassing it is for him to be so easily charmed, but he's unable to keep it under control.

Chanyeol catches up to him in a few large strides, which just adds to Baekhyun's frustration because now all he can focus on are Chanyeol's mile long legs and how nice they look in those jeans. For a moment, Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol is going to hold his hand, but it doesn't happen. Chanyeol shoves his hands back into his pockets and tips his head to suggest they keep walking.

They stop at a corner a block away from the main road, close enough to flag down taxis but where there's not that many people walking around. Chanyeol gets a taxi for both of them, but tells the driver Baekhyun's address.

"Just dropping you off first," Chanyeol says as they pull away from the curb, before any wild thoughts can manifest in Baekhyun's brain.

The ride to his place is quiet. Baekhyun feels a bit awkward and ends up watching the city fly by outside the window at least until he starts getting carsick and has to stare out the front to quell his upset stomach some. He cannot afford to puke in a taxi in front of a cute boy on their first date.

As if Chanyeol can tell Baekhyun's stubbornly trying to hold it together, he takes Baekhyun's hand and pulls it into his lap, holding onto it firmly, but not so much that Baekhyun couldn't still pull away. That's not what Baekhyun wants to do though, far from it. Chanyeol's hand practically engulfs his and it's warm and Baekhyun wonders what fancy, expensive moisturizer Chanyeol uses to get his skin to be so soft.

Baekhyun can't remember the last time he's held someone's hand like this. He's forgotten how nice it can be and sinks back into the worn leather seats, cracked from the thousands of passengers it has carried before them, and very carefully slips his fingers between Chanyeol's.

The taxi fare is 10,000 won, but Chanyeol gives the driver a 50,000 bill and asks him to wait five minutes. At the top of the stairs, Baekhyun doesn't really know what to do. He hasn't done any of this dating thing in a while and doesn't know if the awkwardness he used to feel during high school and college is still supposed to be there.

"Can we go inside?" Chanyeol says, looking around. "Not because I want to be creepy, I'm just paranoid these days about paparazzi."

"Oh, sure." Baekhyun punches in the door code and steps inside. Thankfully he hasn't let the place devolve back into a total pigsty just yet. His pile of dirty clothes on the floor is only a couple layers deep. He's suddenly reminded that he's still wearing Chanyeol's jacket and quickly takes it off, holding it out. "Thanks for letting me wear it."

"Anytime," Chanyeol says, slipping it back on. "I had a nice time tonight."

"Yeah. Me too."

"Does that mean you'll say yes if I ask for a second date?"

Baekhyun just barely stops himself from saying that he's ready for at least five more dates. "Your chances are pretty good," he says instead, but his smile might betray his eagerness.

"Good," Chanyeol says and that old, but familiar silence falls around them. Chanyeol clears his throat and looks off to the side, but Baekhyun is still buzzed enough that his natural impetuousness is worse than usual and he takes one step, then another, until he's inside Chanyeol's personal bubble and leaning up on his tippy toes to kiss him.

It's not the most graceful thing Baekhyun's ever experienced. The brim of Chanyeol's hat knocks against Baekhyun's head, but Chanyeol is quick to take it off without breaking the kiss, allowing his hands to settle on Baekhyun's waist. In high school, these types of first date kisses would always be awkward and end quickly. In college, one kiss would lead to another would lead to Baekhyun taking his clothes off.

This kiss feels like it wants to be the latter. Chanyeol's mouth yields so easily against his and his hands on Baekhyun hold firmly. But in the end they're both too responsible and make themselves part, though Baekhyun can't help but make a small, disappointed noise.

"Your taxi is waiting," Baekhyun says, still staring at Chanyeol's mouth.

"Right. Yeah," says Chanyeol, but he leans down for another kiss, just a brief press of their lips together. "Have a good night, hyung."

Baekhyun catches Chanyeol's hand and only lets go at the very last moment when Chanyeol steps out and finally makes his way back down the steps.

This time, Chanyeol looks out the backseat window where Baekhyun is standing in the doorway still and blows him a hand kiss.

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, but pretends to catch it anyway and does a great job of swooning dramatically. The last thing he sees before the taxi turns the corner is Chanyeol's face bursting into laughter.

Maybe there wasn't that much acting involved at all.

+

When Baekhyun gets to the office the next day, he's in such a good mood that Sehun stares at him and asks if there's something wrong. Baekhyun laughs, because he doesn't think anything could be better, but then it hits him that he can't tell Sehun that because that would require revealing the underlying reason why.

"Just trying to manifest good things by sending out positive energy," Baekhyun says, which earns him a huge eye roll.

"Right, it's definitely that and not because you've recently started seeing someone."

Baekhyun freezes with his hands over his computer, then forces a laugh. "Me? Please, I haven't gone on a date in ages."

"It's hilarious that you think you're fooling me," Sehun says, which for something he finds so funny his face is very deadpan. "I don't know why you think I care if you are or aren't, but if you really don't want people to know try to keep the lovesick grin off your face every time you look at your phone."

"Frankly," Baekhyun says, turning to point a finger in Sehun's face. "I am hurt and offended that you can't wait until after my morning coffee to call me out like that. Please respect your elders."

"Whatever, I have to go to this marketing team meeting," Sehun says, looking well and truly inconvenienced even though recording meeting minutes was one of the core responsibilities of his job. Sometimes Baekhyun isn't sure how Sehun gets away with doing the bare minimum around the office. "They're trying to plan out next month's social media campaigns which means an hour of listening to the worst ideas I've ever heard."

"That's what you always say."

"Well, people seem to think it's okay to find new ways to offend my sensibilities each time."

"Come find me later," Baekhyun says, slapping Sehun's ass as he shuffles away. "Hyung will buy you lunch."

There's no reply from Sehun which means he'll show up at noon on the dot.

Baekhyun scans through his emails, archiving half of them that don't even pertain to him, just long email threads where he had gotten copied on at one point for reasons he can't even remember. In the past week, he's finally started receiving normal assignments again, but has even less motivation than before to do his job. He's never liked writing sensationalist articles for hits, but now that he knows someone who's often the topic of those articles — kissed him, even — he wants to do it even less. He starts to consider if it's time to just leave this job, but the prospect of hunting for a new one is exhausting. More group panel interviews where everyone asks the same bullshit questions and the same bullshit answers are given. Plus Baekhyun's resume isn't that great. The best he could do is probably a lateral move to another company where he'd be just as miserable. At least he's made a few friends here. Making friends has always come easy to him, but restarting the cycle would still take energy he doesn't have.

It's not something he wants to think about too much right now. All too well. His phone buzzes a few times and he perks up at the sight of Chanyeol's name. He'd texted last night when he got home to say good night again and now there's a simple ' _good morning :)_ ' waiting for him.

Sehun's comments come back to him. Baekhyun sits up straight, puts on the most serious expression he can manage even as the corners of his mouth twitch, and replies to Chanyeol as if it's very important business.

He makes it another ten seconds until Chanyeol sends through some animated hearts and gives up, slumping over at his desk so no one sees the disgusting, lovesick look on his face.

+

Dating Chanyeol is certainly one of the more unconventional things Baekhyun has experienced. He gains a bit of sympathy for other celebrities when he experiences the stereotypical date where they never get out of Chanyeol's car and just chat in a parking lot by the river. It's still nice to be able to see and talk to Chanyeol, but as fancy as his SUV is, it doesn't really set a very romantic mood.

The first time Baekhyun goes over to Chanyeol's place is when it really hits him. His family has never been considered poor, but walking into Chanyeol's apartment and seeing the floor to ceiling windows overlooking the Han river makes it very clear the life Chanyeol is currently living and the one Baekhyun is used to.

"Fuck, you're rich," Baekhyun says, standing in the middle of Chanyeol's living room. He's staring in particular at the excessively large TV on one side and all the speakers surrounding it. He doesn't say it in a way that's full of awe, but more matter of fact.

"I'm not," Chanyeol is quick to say, visibly uncomfortable. "The rent for this place is paid by the agency and I really shouldn't have bought that TV, but my friends pressured me into it. This couch is from IKEA."

Baekhyun sits down, then swings his legs up to lie down, his feet hanging over the armrest. "Yeah, I can tell. It's really uncomfortable."

Chanyeol relaxes a little, laughing. He lifts Baekhyun's legs so he can sit down, placing them back in his lap. "Does it bother you? We haven't really talked about it yet, my job." He starts massaging Baekhyun's calves, though massage is a loose term. He's really just squeezing randomly, but it still feels nice.

"No," Baekhyun says, but takes a moment to really think about it. "It's just a little different? You're really busy sometimes and we have to do car dates. You can't go out in public unless it's dark out. It's okay for now."

"For now."

Baekhyun sits up and perches his chin on Chanyeol's shoulder. "Am I the first person you've dated since you've gotten famous?"

Chanyeol exhales slowly and worries his lower lip. "You're the first person I've dated since before I got famous, too."

"I don't know what that means."

"I haven't been in a relationship since my first year of university," Chanyeol says, rubbing the back of his neck, sneaking glances up at Baekhyun to gauge his reaction. "And that was with a girl and when I finally admitted to myself that I don't find women attractive like that. To give you an idea of how that relationship went."

"Wait," Baekhyun says, pulling away to get a good look at Chanyeol. "Are you saying I'm the first guy you've ever dated?"

"Um. Yes? Is that okay?"

It's rare for Baekhyun to be rendered speechless, but he's having a tough time right now figuring out how to respond. He opens his mouth a few times and only says something because Chanyeol looks more and more worried that he's done something wrong.

"I — you don't have to ask permission for something like that."

"I just don't know what you're looking for right now and I get it if that's a dealbreaker, someone who's barely figured out what he wants on top of not being able to even go out like a normal person."

What Chanyeol's trying to say finally clicks for Baekhyun and his eyes widen, immediately taking Chanyeol's hand. "It is absolutely _not_ a dealbreaker. I'm just a little shocked that someone with your face hasn't had a whole throng of people beg to date you."

"Well. They're usually women. And a bit stalker-ish these days."

"I'm glad you told me," Baekhyun says, now that he's fully processed that important piece of information. He tries to lighten the mood and walks his fingers up Chanyeol's arm, grinning. "I've got lots I can teach you."

"Oh my god," Chanyeol says, covering his face in embarrassment.

"Gay Dating 101."

"Hyung, please," Chanyeol says, looking at Baekhyun in exasperation. But he's smiling too and looks so cute that Baekhyun feels like kissing him, so he does, angling his head as their lips meet. This part, at least, Chanyeol seems to have no trouble with, but the new knowledge certainly explains why he's been so willing to let Baekhyun lead.

They'll have a conversation later about all the things further than kissing. Baekhyun is filled with a sense of responsibility now. If this is Chanyeol's first real relationship in years, he wants to make sure it's good and that he doesn't have to deal with all the mistakes Baekhyun's made in the past. Like suffering through dating guys who didn't understand the concept of foreplay and then didn't even have the decency to last more than two minutes. Or letting little problems and complaints fester until it's three in the morning and he's standing in his kitchen yelling at someone for putting a ramen packet in the wrong recycling pile.

It would've been nice if Baekhyun had someone back then who could've told him all the stupid shit not to do, about proper ways of communicating with your partner. The least he can do is be open with Chanyeol and even if this whole thing doesn't work out, perhaps whatever end they have can be amicable and Chanyeol will be able to say that it was a relationship he didn't regret a minute of. That would be nice.

The sound of the doorbell jerks both of them apart. Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol, wondering if this is a situation where he needs to haul ass to the bedroom and hide. "Are you expecting someone?"

"I don't think so…"

"Chanyeol, open the door, we know you're home!"

"Oh," Chanyeol says, confused, but gets up. "Why are they here?"

"Uh, do you need me to hide?" Baekhyun says, pointing toward Chanyeol's room.

"What?" Chanyeol says, looking over his shoulder distractedly. "No, it's just — well, you'll see."

Baekhyun stays where he is on the couch. He can't see the actual entryway, so he just listens to Chanyeol answer the door. There's two voices and one of them sounds sort of familiar, but he can't place where he's heard it before.

"What are you two doing here?" Chanyeol says and Baekhyun doesn't know if he should stay where he is or stand and ends up sitting on the armrest looking incredibly awkward, he's sure.

Chanyeol comes back into the room and Baekhyun nearly chokes on his spit when he sees none other than Kyungsoo and Jongin follow behind him.

"We haven't heard from you in two weeks and wanted to make sure you weren't wallowing still," Kyungsoo says, pausing in his steps when he notices Baekhyun. "Oh, you have company."

"Yeah, this is Baekhyun," Chanyeol says, then smiles knowingly at Baekhyun. "I think you're familiar with Kyungsoo and Jongin."

"Hi," Baekhyun says, clearing his throat when his voice doesn't come out all the way. "It's nice to meet you guys."

Kyungsoo nods back. "Did you just join Chanyeol's agency?" he says, setting down the bags of food and drinks on the dining table. He unpacks a couple boxes of fried chicken, a few bowls of jajangmyeon, and no less than six bottles of soju.

"No, I'm uh," Baekhyun says, then blanks, not knowing what answer Chanyeol might prefer him to say.

Chanyeol thankfully jumps in. "We only met a couple months ago," he says, coming to stand next to Baekhyun so he can annoyingly perch his arm on Baekhyun's head. "He's uh. Well, he's my boyfriend. I think."

Jongin, who had gotten a bottle of water from the fridge, nearly spills some down his shirt. "What?" he says, coughing, while Kyungsoo is simply quiet.

Chanyeol is looking at Baekhyun though, a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. Baekhyun stares back until Chanyeol's words register in his brain and he has a lightbulb moment. One, they know about Chanyeol. Two, did Chanyeol just ask him to be his boyfriend? "Are we — having that talk right now? In front of them?" That wasn't the right thing to say. Chanyeol looks worried that he messed up just now and Baekhyun quickly backtracks. "No, I just mean. I just thought you'd want to talk about that like, alone? I am! We are. Boyfriends. Or are you asking? In which case, yes, I want to be."

Jongin snorts, already over his shock. "I see why you two are attracted to each other." He glances at Kyungsoo. "Should we go? Chanyeol-hyung seems fine."

Kyungsoo hums and looks down. "We brought over all this food though."

"You don't have to," Baekhyun says, pointing at the door. "I can go if Chanyeol hasn't seen you guys in a while. If this is bonding time or something."

Jongin is back in the kitchen rummaging through Chanyeol's cupboards. "Pretty sure Chanyeol-hyung will stop being friends with us if we kick out his boyfriend," he says, coming back with four plates. "We won't stay long."

Kyungsoo holds one of them out for Baekhyun. "Tell us about yourself."

Baekhyun glances nervously at Chanyeol, who just looks a bit bulldozed still by the sudden presence of his friends. He wonders if it's just him who feels like he's been dropped into a job interview. "Uh. My name is Baekhyun. I'm 28."

"Oh, he's your hyung," Jongin says to Kyungsoo, piling a bunch of drumsticks on his plate. "What do you do?"

"I'm in publishing," Baekhyun says, hoping the answer comes out smoothly. He can feel his palms start to sweat already.

"Are you an editor?" Kyungsoo says.

"Sort of," Baekhyun says. "I do a lot of content research."

"How did you guys meet?"

Okay, this is definitely an interview. In the few clips he's seen of Kyungsoo, he's always come off very warm and friendly whereas Jongin was the one who seemed aloof at times. This switch in real life throws Baekhyun off balance.

"I don't know if I should say," Baekhyun says, looking to Chanyeol who seems to finally snap out of it.

"He found me when I was crying outside when the Irene thing broke out," Chanyeol says with a heavy sigh. "Are you guys really staying? You can take the food with you."

Jongin pouts and Baekhyun is shocked by how young he suddenly seems. "Hyung, I finally get to break my diet. Let me eat this and we'll leave." He frowns a bit before taking his next bite. "It got that bad?"

"That week wasn't great," Chanyeol says, relenting and going over to grab a bowl of noodles. He holds another out for Baekhyun who takes it. Eating that would probably be more graceful than the fried chicken. Baekhyun realizes too that he never got a chance to ask Chanyeol about that first night and what had happened that hurt him so much. "The VP yelled at me and accused me of being selfish for introducing such a risk and liability to the company. As if me liking guys was something I purposely decided on to threaten their bottom line."

"Can't you leave?" Baekhyun says, that anger he felt the first time Chanyeol came over rearing its head. He practically slams his bowl down and tears off the plastic wrap. "He has no right to treat you like that." Across the table, he catches Kyungsoo raise an eyebrow at him.

Chanyeol smiles and touches Baekhyun's arm briefly. "I have four more years on my contract and it's expensive to break. Besides this whole mess, they treat me pretty well."

"You can be the most spoiled actor in the business, but they're still fucking assholes if they don't apologize for what they did and admit to the public they made it all up!" Baekhyun stabs a pair of chopsticks into his bowl and mixes it up aggressively. He's even angrier this time, now that he actually cares about Chanyeol. He wonders what Chanyeol's company would pull if they found out about the two of them, if they would feed Baekhyun some sob story about how he's jeopardizing Chanyeol's career to pressure him into breaking things off. Maybe they'd just threaten to sue instead.

"If they admit they made it up, they'll have to admit _why_ they made it up," Kyungsoo says, who had gone to grab shot glasses for the soju. "And that means Chanyeol's career in this industry will probably end."

Which Baekhyun knows. He _knows_ and they all know it's fucked up. The noodles look completely unappetizing now, but the soju Kyungsoo just poured for him he has no issue shooting back.

"I knew it when I wanted to act," Chanyeol says, grabbing a wing, like this is just any other dinner and they're talking about the weather. "I knew it when I debuted that it was going to be shitty sometimes. It'll have to change eventually, but right now I'm not the one brave enough to lead that."

Before, Baekhyun had thought the question about being uncomfortable with Chanyeol's job was because of his fame, that Chanyeol wouldn't be able to publicly acknowledge he was dating because it'd drive away most of his fanbase. Now he realizes he stupidly naive he'd been. His presence really would jeopardize everything Chanyeol's worked for. What he can't figure out is why Chanyeol still asked him out knowing this.

Baekhyun doesn't say anything more, the anger in him deflating into something uglier. Resignation, almost.

"We were really worried about you," Kyungsoo says, making a slight face when Chanyeol's slurps his noodles loudly. His gaze settles on Baekhyun though. "But maybe there's a silver lining if you got a boyfriend out of this whole thing. Does your manager know?"

"Not yet," Chanyeol says. "I'm trying to give Minseok some peace and quiet before I ruin his life again."

"I can hear him in my head already, cursing your name," Kyungsoo says and they all laugh except Baekhyun. Chanyeol notices and says Baekhyun's name, but he smiles and shakes his head.

Chanyeol shares a look with Kyungsoo, who sighs and stands up, patting Jongin on the back. "Just take a box with you."

"We're leaving?" Jongin says.

"You just got here," Baekhyun says, since it's clear he's the one who made the atmosphere all awkward.

"Neither of us live that far away," Kyungsoo says, waiting for Jongin to dump the chicken he hadn't gotten to yet back in the bag. "We can come back later. We'll even call this time and tell you we're coming."

"It was nice meeting you, hyung," Jongin says with an easy smile and a wave, before following Kyungsoo out to the foyer. Chanyeol gets up after them and Baekhyun goes too after a moment of hesitation.

Baekhyun hides behind Chanyeol for the most part, feeling bad that he cut their visit short.

"We should grab coffee sometime," Kyungsoo says and it takes a second for Baekhyun to realize the invite is directed at him. "Do you mind if Chanyeol gives me your number?"

The request catches Baekhyun completely off guard, so he just nods blankly. "Yeah. Sure," he manages to get out.

"You guys are like helicopter parents," Chanyeol says, shuffling forward to physically herd them out. "Leave!"

"Use protection!" Jongin says as he stumbles over the threshold, shoes half on. The last thing they hear before the door closes is Kyungsoo's deep laughter.

"Sorry about that," Chanyeol says, looking pretty flustered when he turns around to face Baekhyun. "They're… a handful sometimes."

Baekhyun shrugs. "They seem like good friends to have."

Chanyeol takes a few steps and grabs Baekhyun's hand. "You okay, hyung? You looked kind of rough toward the end there."

Baekhyun stares straight ahead, which puts him eye level with Chanyeol's chest. He's not sure what he's feeling, just that it isn't good.

"Are you having second thoughts now?" Chanyeol says and he's doing such a terrible job of trying to come off nonchalant and casual that Baekhyun's heart hurts a little. "I get it, you know. If you don't feel like being some dirty secret. I'll understand."

"You're risking your career," Baekhyun says, tightening his grip on Chanyeol's hand. "For what? Me?"

"That's a bit self-centered and presumptuous," Chanyeol says, rubbing his thumb over the back of Baekhyun's hand. "For me, too. I don't actually want to be forever single if I meet someone I like. I deserve to be happy."

"I — you do, but—"

"Then we agree," Chanyeol says, dragging Baekhyun back inside. "Come on, there's free food getting cold."

It's hard for Baekhyun to argue against Chanyeol, though he still thinks there is a point to be made, he just doesn't know what it is yet. Baekhyun eats quietly, mostly just picking at the food.

"Is this a fight?"

"What?" Baekhyun startles out of his thoughts only to see Chanyeol grinning at him. "Are you making fun of me?"

"A little," Chanyeol says.

"I'm worried about you!" Baekhyun says, punching Chanyeol's shoulder. It doesn't really do much given Chanyeol goes to the gym all the time and has biceps the size of Baekhyun's face. This is a bad time to think about that. "You guys made it seem like you losing your job was a joke."

"What can we do if not laugh about how messed up the industry and general public are?" Chanyeol says, eyeing Baekhyun when he goes for the half empty bottle of soju. "Should you be drinking when upset? You sort of seem like a lightweight."

"How dare you," Baekhyun says, withholding any confirmation of Chanyeol's assessment. He pours a shot and throws it back just to show how much he can hold his liquor. 

"What do you want me to say to make you feel better?"

Baekhyun groans and buries his face in his hands, not knowing what answer he wants to hear either. "I'm really scared I'm going to be the reason why everything you've worked hard for goes down the drain."

"You really are very self-centered," Chanyeol says, scooting closer so he can take Baekhyun's hand and press it to his own cheek. He looks ridiculous, face half-smushed. "If my career goes down the drain, it'll be because of my own doing."

"I like you a lot," Baekhyun says, defeated.

"I like you a lot, too," Chanyeol says, lips brushing against Baekhyun's palm. "At the very least, we have to stay together long enough until you finish teaching me the entire Gay Dating 101 course."

"Shut up."

Chanyeol's grins against Baekhyun's hand and the corners of his eyes wrinkle. Baekhyun drags the pad of his thumb very lightly along Chanyeol's bottom lip, secretly pleased with himself when Chanyeol's expression shifts immediately into mild shock, his body freezing. Before this, most of their dates had been going out somewhere, even if they were sort of hidden in the dark most of the time. This is the first time they've been truly alone and Baekhyun sort of wants to take back all the boasting about teaching Chanyeol everything he knows. The expectant way Chanyeol is looking at him right now unnerves Baekhyun and makes his heart beat double time like it's going to burst out of his chest.

"Are you going to chicken out?" Chanyeol says and okay, that cuts through some of the tension Baekhyun's feeling.

"You're a brat."

Chanyeol laughs, more air than sound, and pulls his chair even closer until his knees are bracketing Baekhyun's and there is very, very little space between the two of them. The cologne Chanyeol wears is nice, not too strong, and Baekhyun's been meaning to ask what brand he buys, but each time he remembers there's more important things at hand. For example, right now, how close Chanyeol's face is to his and how nice his mouth looks and how it's tilting toward his.

There is something sharp in the way Chanyeol kisses him, a clear request behind it that says he's willing to take it further if Baekhyun is. What's not clear is how much further he's looking for, but Baekhyun is happy to dial things up slowly. He deepens the kiss, humming in satisfaction at the way Chanyeol's mouth parts automatically for their tongues to meet. It's shy at first and Baekhyun brings his hand up to cup the side of Chanyeol's neck, cradling his jaw gently.

They kiss until Baekhyun's waist starts to get tired from the angle he has to hold himself and he pulls away, licking his lips. The sight of Chanyeol's mouth spit slick and red and his pupils dark and trained right on Baekhyun is bewitching and has Baekhyun getting up only to settle himself in Chanyeol's lap.

"You fit really well," Chanyeol says, the words seeming like he meant it as yet another short joke, but the way he says it and how he's staring spellbound at Baekhyun feels like something else entirely.

Baekhyun takes Chanyeol's hands and brings them down to his waist. Chanyeol gets the idea pretty quick, holding onto Baekhyun firmly and pulling them even closer together. His hands feel huge, which Baekhyun is not so whipped right now to say out loud, but sighs softly, sinking one hand into Chanyeol's hair to tilt his head to the side so he can press kisses along the soft skin of Chanyeol's throat.

It's a little unexpected that they don't feel any need to rush. Baekhyun doesn't know about Chanyeol, but he's certainly spent a few showers intimate with his right hand with the image of Chanyeol's mouth in his head. He thought he'd be more desperate, but he's completely content pressed flush against Chanyeol, sucking faint pink marks into his skin.

"Wait, not there," Chanyeol says, and that's a bit of a dampener, the reminder of why they have to be mindful of leaving visual evidence. Baekhyun brushes it off and sits back, undoing the top few buttons of his shirt.

"Should you do me instead?" It's thrilling to see Chanyeol react, though Baekhyun isn't sure if it's because of his offer or that his shirt has fallen open to reveal his shoulder. It doesn't matter much in the end, he appreciates it regardless. "I want to there to be a mark for _days_."

There. Chanyeol shows the first indication he's in over his head, closing his eyes as he drops his head against Baekhyun's shoulder. Baekhyun doesn't say anything, just brushes his fingers through Chanyeol's hair until Chanyeol moves again, this time to press a kiss to a spot just under Baekhyun's clavicle.

One kiss turns into another until Chanyeol's lips stay there, sucking lazily, his tongue occasionally darting out to drag against Baekhyun's chest. His arms circle Baekhyun's waist and it's cute almost the way Chanyeol looks, so focused on the task given to him. Still, Baekhyun isn't going to pretend it's not affecting him in less innocent ways too. His pants are getting a little uncomfortable, but he ignores it in favor of encouraging Chanyeol, telling him, "you can do it a little harder, it's okay" and moaning softly when Chanyeol uses a bit of teeth.

When Chanyeol finally pulls back, eyes laser focused on Baekhyun's skin to admire his own work, Baekhyun becomes less patient. He starts rolling his hips, barely doing anything really, just enough to get some pressure and relief, though it mostly results in him teasing himself.

The "hyung" that falls from Chanyeol's lips is filled with reverence and sends arousal ziplining down Baekhyun's spine. He smiles and trails a hand up Chanyeol's shoulder, his neck, along his jaw, until he's pressing two fingers against Chanyeol's lips. It takes barely a second for Chanyeol to accept them, curling his tongue underneath to pull them in. Baekhyun isn't prepared for how eager Chanyeol is, sucking hard right away, and his hips falter, grinding down for more friction.

It devolves from there. Chanyeol's cups Baekhyun's ass and pulls sharply and there's no way Chanyeol can't feel how hard he is. Baekhyun isn't sure who between them is supposed to have more experience. The way Chanyeol stares as he drags his tongue along the pads of Baekhyun's fingers leaves Baekhyun desperate and he can't tear his eyes away from Chanyeol's lips.

Baekhyun hasn't felt like this in a long time, the kind of heavy arousal surrounding him where anything he does feels amazing, even just grinding against Chanyeol's stomach and imagining how Chanyeol would look if he had something else of Baekhyun's in his mouth instead.

"You're so pretty," Baekhyun says, breathes the words more like. Chanyeol hums around his fingers, clearly pleased at the compliment, and brings his hands around to undo Baekhyun's pants. "You've touched a dick before, right?"

Chanyeol pulls his mouth off with a soft pop. Baekhyun's presses down on his bottom lip. "Don't worry, I've touched _two_ whole penises before this, not including my own."

"You're really bratty when you're turned on," Baekhyun says, head falling back when Chanyeol takes him out of his underwear and wraps his hand around him, stroking a few times.

"Hyung's is the prettiest though," Chanyeol says, focusing just on the tip. It has Baekhyun moaning and trying to fuck Chanyeol's hand, blaming the dry spell he's been in for the past few months for why he's so close already even though Chanyeol's barely touched him.

It really doesn't take long, not when Chanyeol's clearly made it his goal to get Baekhyun off, no teasing. Baekhyun presses his mouth to Chanyeol's in an uncoordinated kiss and pushes Chanyeol's shirt up, his hips meeting Chanyeol's hand stroke for stroke until he comes, breath held through that crest of warmth and then he's exhaling sharply, panting against Chanyeol's cheek. Chanyeol slows his hand until he's just pressing his palm against Baekhyun's lower stomach, thumb stroking back and forth.

When Baekhyun gets his bearings again, he leans back and gets that brief thrill of seeing his come staining Chanyeol's skin. He moves off Chanyeol's lap and immediately drops to his knees, lapping up his mess with broad strokes of his tongue while his hands get busy undoing Chanyeol's jeans.

"Oh my god," Chanyeol says, pushing his hand through Baekhyun's hair. "Hyung."

Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol out of his underwear and just takes a moment to admire. Chanyeol is slightly above average both in length and girth and Baekhyun almost moans just from anticipation of getting his mouth around him. "I'm going to suck you off now," he says, grinning up at Chanyeol.

"Fuck. Okay, yeah."

Baekhyun does not waste any time. He gives Chanyeol a couple of friendly tugs, then goes right for it, closing his lips around Chanyeol and sinking his head down until Chanyeol bumps against the back of his mouth. If Baekhyun ever has doubts about whether he truly likes men, the immense pleasure he gets just from having a dick in his mouth will be more than enough to convince him.

Chanyeol sags a little in his chair and curses again. His hand is on Baekhyun's head but not doing anything, so Baekhyun pulls off just long enough to say, "You can be a little rough, I don't mind," then goes right back to his mission of giving Chanyeol the best head of his life. He pulls Chanyeol's jeans and underwear down to his ankles so he can force Chanyeol's knees further apart, settling in between so he can basically hunch over Chanyeol's lap, closing his eyes as he tests how much of Chanyeol he can take without straining too much.

"Hyung, what the fuck," Chanyeol says, that reverence from earlier echoing in his voice and Baekhyun is so fucking pleased, bobbing his head more enthusiastically, going slightly too far once and gagging, but that barely slows him down. Both of Chanyeol's hands are in Baekhyun's hair, his fingers sunk deep and pulling tight against the roots. It doesn't hurt, just enough to cause a subtle ache and Baekhyun loves every moment of it.

"Hyung, I'm close," Chanyeol says, sounding the kind of strained where he's still trying to hold back. Baekhyun doubles his efforts, hopes it's obvious that he wants Chanyeol to come down his throat, but just in case it isn't he forces himself to take as much of Chanyeol's length as possible, breathing unevenly through his nose as he fights his gag reflex.

Chanyeol comes with a groan, almost like he's in pain. He probably doesn't mean to, but he raises his hips slightly and it makes Baekhyun's throat burn but he pushes through it until Chanyeol goes limp and the only sound is him catching his breath. Baekhyun pulls back enough to breathe too, but keeps Chanyeol in his mouth a little longer and brings his hands up to rub Chanyeol's thighs absently.

After a while, Chanyeol tugs on Baekhyun's ear gently, so fond in contrast to the way he had pulled on Baekhyun's hair just a few minutes ago. Baekhyun pulls off gently and gets up with a groan, both his knees cracking after bearing his weight for so long.

"How old are you really?" Chanyeol says, laughing weakly.

"Shut up, your body is going to start breaking down soon too," Baekhyun says, bending over to stretch out his spine. "You'll wake up one day and suddenly can't move your neck to the left." When he straightens, Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun back onto his lap and he lets out a soft yelp of surprise. "Oh, hello."

"Is it dumb if I'm kind of jealous of all the guys you've done that to before me?"

Baekhyun laughs. "No, I love that kind of compliment," he says, wrapping his arms behind Chanyeol and kissing him lazily. "I guess you liked my technique then."

"I don't want to inflate your ego too much, but that's putting it mildly."

"I'm glad I could make a good first impression," Baekhyun says, tracing circles on Chanyeol's back. "Though I wasn't expecting the setting to be your dining room."

"I am open to a repeat if you prefer a different setting. My bed is a king."

"That is the sexiest thing I've ever heard," Baekhyun says, but slides off and tucks them both back into their pants. "But I'm actually hungry now."

Chanyeol laughs and takes the containers on the table. "I'll go heat these back up." But before he can get too far, Baekhyun grabs his collar and pulls him down for one more kiss.

"Love a man who can use a microwave."

Chanyeol rolls his eyes a little and wanders into the kitchen, the sound of the microwave opening and closing and the buttons beeping following close behind.

Baekhyun's stress around Chanyeol's career has dampened a little, though part of it he's sure is the post-orgasm endorphins still chilling around. Still, he recognizes Chanyeol has a maturity that Baekhyun's not even sure he's mastered yet, a necessity of being able to survive and climb in this industry, and ultimately Chanyeol can and should make his own decisions. If one of them is wanting Baekhyun around, then Baekhyun will do his goddamn best to live up to that responsibility.

+

Chanyeol's schedule gets a little busier as they head into the middle of spring. He's cast in a mini-series and spends two weeks practically off the grid to complete filming in time. He stills sends Baekhyun at least one message everyday, sometimes even a picture.

At work, Baekhyun still hasn't acknowledged that he's officially dating someone and Sehun hasn't pushed, but it's clear they've come to a silent agreement that Baekhyun's definitely seeing someone. It's nice to have someone know, even if he doesn't talk about it. Sehun, despite his efforts to make people think he's some moody millennial, will do things like talk about a nice restaurant he's been to or make mention of upcoming holidays that only couples would care about. Baekhyun's not really interested in participating in the aggressive couple culture of Korea, but he thinks it's cute how Sehun shows he cares.

April rolls around and the day filming wraps for Chanyeol, he calls up Baekhyun and tells him about the days off he just got.

"It's just a long weekend," Chanyeol says, his voice a bit tinny on the speakerphone echoing in Baekhyun's bathroom. Baekhyun's going through his nightly skincare routine and pats moisturizer onto his cheeks. "But if you're able to take a day off, I have a friend who has a beach house that he never uses."

"That sounds fancy." Baekhyun finishes up and takes off his headband and fixes his hair that sticks up after. He picks up his phone and switches to a video call. On the other end, Chanyeol accepts and Baekhyun almost has a heart attack when the image of Chanyeol with a face mask on appears. "Warn a guy."

"I'm just trying to look good for you," Chanyeol says.

"Have we been dating long enough to go on overnight trips?"

"You say that like you don't stay over at my apartment almost every weekend, even when I'm not there."

"I only like you for your giant TV."

"Is that the only giant thing you like about me?"

Baekhyun flops onto his bed. "No comment."

"Let me know if you can swing it," Chanyeol says, peeling the mask off. His skin glistens in the low light of his bedroom. "You seem stressed at work anyway. It'd be nice if you could let me steal you away for a bit."

Baekhyun is stressed. The banality of what he does on a day to day basis has been getting to him lately, then on top of that still having to navigate the field of grenades when Chanyeol asks him about his day and what he did. He hates it, making up stories about manuscripts he's proofing when really he spent the entire morning twisting an actor's words from an overseas interview to make it seem like he was criticizing the Korean film industry. What frustrates him the most is he can't even convince himself that it's worth it. He gets paid terribly and his boss still treats the whole office like trash and the idea of any career growth is laughable.

"You keep talking about wanting to find a new job," Sehun had said over lunch. "When are you going to stop being all talk and start applying?"

Getting admonished by his junior was embarrassing enough, but even worse was his response. "Where am I going to go with my shitty resume and portfolio?"

"Seriously?" Sehun had said, unimpressed, but didn't bother to keep that conversation going, switching to some commentary on the recent office gossip that there might be restructuring soon.

When Baekhyun first graduated, he'd had so much energy and ambition, ready to take on anything and willing to do whatever it took to make it. Now he doesn't know where that inspiration has gone and sometimes finds himself judging his past self for being so naive.

"Hyung? What do you think?"

Baekhyun blinks and Chanyeol's face comes back into focus. He smiles. "I'll ask tomorrow," he says, curling up on his side. Like this, he could pretend he and Chanyeol are in the same room, having a moment before they go to bed. "I think it sounds nice too."

The way Chanyeol's face lights up makes guilt dig its claws deeper into Baekhyun's gut.

+

Somehow, Baekhyun's request to take Friday off is approved. He doesn't question it and bolts out of his boss's office, submitting the paperwork before the decision can be reversed.

Sehun teases him. "Long weekend, huh? Don't throw out your back."

Baekhyun does a poor job of keeping the blush off his face. He's usually pretty good about having no shame, but Sehun has a talent for one-upping him. "It's just a weekend getaway to _relax_."

Sehun doesn't reply to that, but his eyebrows do enough talking on their own. Baekhyun shoos him away and attempts to concentrate on the next garbage article he's supposed to be writing, but the damage is already done. The only thing he can think about now is what Chanyeol expects from this weekend.

The few times they've been able to spend a night at either one of their apartments mostly ended in actual sleeping since Chanyeol was exhausted all the time from filming. When they did do stuff, Baekhyun was always worried about not pushing too much and letting Chanyeol set the pace. So, even after a few weeks, they still haven't gotten further than just hands and mouths. Which was fine for Baekhyun, since it was still better than nothing at all, but he gets the sense that this weekend is a chance for more.

The mature thing to do would be to communicate like a real adult. And Baekhyun tries, really, he does. He props his phone up in his tiny kitchenette and puts on a pot of ramyeon while waiting for Chanyeol to call. He's sitting at the counter blowing on the first bite when Chanyeol's face pops onto the screen, a fan-taken photo he came across last week that he couldn't resist using.

"Are you eating ramyeon again?" Chanyeol says, the video shaky as he enters his apartment. "Hyung, I sent you those easy one-pot recipes."

"Maybe I need someone to show me how to make them first."

"Right, it's definitely that and not because you just like having me cook for you."

Baekhyun doesn't admit that it really isn't that, but more that he just likes how sexy he finds Chanyeol knowing his way around the kitchen. "I'm a visual learner."

Chanyeol sets his phone on the table too and unpacks the take-out he brought home. This is what they do sometimes too, have virtual meals together when their schedules don't line up completely.

"My boss let me have Friday off," Baekhyun says and immediately Chanyeol's mood brightens.

"Really? So this weekend is a go?"

Baekhyun smiles and nods, perching his chin on his hand. "Steal me away, Park Chanyeol."

Chanyeol laughs, the sound of it soothing even through the phone. "I will sweep you off your feet, hyung."

Baekhyun is by no means old, but sometimes he experiences moments with Chanyeol, like this one, when he feels like he's been transported back to high school to those afternoons in front of the TV watching music shows and being naively susceptible to every single cheesy thing his favorite idols said to pander to their fanbase. That fanbase was usually girls, but that had usually been easy to ignore. Chanyeol is generous and unapologetic with his affection, which actually makes it worse. Younger Baekhyun had wanted to escape and there was a suspension of disbelief watching those actors and idols he crushed on. This though, with Chanyeol, is all real and that just makes it all the more lethal.

"Just pack some clothes," Chanyeol says, stabbing at his salad. Baekhyun doesn't believe in salads and feels bad that Chanyeol has to suffer, despite Chanyeol always insisting that eating greens and protein can actually taste good. "The beach house has everything else we'll need."

"Everything?" Baekhyun says, paying more attention.

"Yeah? Is there something you want me to check for you?"

"I don't know. Hair dryer. Toothpaste. Condoms and lube?"

Chanyeol chokes on a bite of grilled chicken and falls out of frame, coughing. He gets up and goes to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

"Just putting it out there!" Baekhyun says, thinking his segue into the conversation was pretty smooth.

Chanyeol sits back down a few seconds later. His lips shine a bit. "So I guess we're talking about this?"

"Communication is sexy," Baekhyun says, leaning forward and resting his chin on the counter. "I've been thinking about it lately, not sure about you."

Chanyeol takes another drink of water and this time, Baekhyun's gaze drifts to his Adam's apple. "I've thought about it too, yeah," he says, scratching the back of his head, not quite making eye contact with the camera. "But I kind of would like to have this conversation in person?"

"Oh." Baekhyun sat up straight. "Sure. Do you want to come over tomorrow?" The last time Chanyeol came over, he admitted that he preferred Baekhyun's studio, that even if it was small, it felt properly lived in. He'd been going to Chanyeol's because it was closer to the filming locations, but also because Chanyeol still hadn't told his manager he was dating someone so he needed to be at his own place reliably. But with filming over, Baekhyun is happy to have Chanyeol over and cuddle with him on his full size bed just big enough for the both of them.

"I have a meeting at my company in the afternoon, but can head over in time for dinner," Chanyeol says, his smile softening his entire face. "If you have any requests, get them in before three tomorrow so I can pick up groceries on the way."

"You're gross, Park Chanyeol," Baekhyun says, but sighs wistfully to make it obvious that he means just the opposite.

They waste a few minutes staying goodbye and Baekhyun slumps over the counter after disconnecting. He feels way too old to be playing the "you hang up first — no you" game, but he gets the urge so badly sometimes, stopped only by his own shame and fear of Chanyeol judging him for being so immature. He's finding it hard to resist doing lots of things that he'd stopped once he graduated from university, after he got a few relationships under his belt.

Dating Chanyeol is bringing those habits out again, because Chanyeol is eager and honest and doesn't hide how much he enjoys spending time together. It's contagious and Baekhyun can't figure out a good reason why it's so terrible for this to feel reminiscent of a blooming first love.

Right before Baekhyun washes up for bed, Chanyeol texts him with, _are you allergic to latex?_ , and all Baekhyun can think is how adorable Chanyeol is for caring so much.

It's the same moment he realizes how bad he actually has it.

+

Baekhyun doesn't send Chanyeol any food requests because one, he'll eat anything and two, Chanyeol has never put anything but delicious things in front of him. He's already made it clear that his apartment is a pro-carb zone and Chanyeol's pretty good about meeting the criteria. The one drawback though is that sometimes the food is so great that they're both too stuffed afterward, too disgusting to be intimate.

That's the mood right now. The two of them are sprawled across Baekhyun's wimpy futon, slipping into a food coma after devouring a whole pan of spicy chicken with cheese. On the plus side, they can definitely have a conversation about sex and have it be strictly a conversation.

Baekhyun sits up with a groan and headbutts Chanyeol's shoulder. "Do you want to talk now?" he mumbles, rubbing his face near Chanyeol's neck not for any reason but to get a better whiff of the cologne he wears.

"Hold on," Chanyeol says, and unbuttons his pants with a sigh. "That feels a lot better."

"Gross," Baekhyun says, snickering. He takes Chanyeol's hand, so much larger than his own, and traces the lines on Chanyeol's palm with his index finger. "So."

"So."

"What do you want to happen this weekend?"

Chanyeol laces their fingers together. "I was hoping we could go further. All the way."

"No objections," Baekhyun says, wrapping Chanyeol's arm around himself. "You have any experience?"

"Not with men."

Baekhyun made a face. "Are you saying you only have experience with straight sex?"

Chanyeol laughs a little. "I told you I've touched two dicks before! Three now, counting yours. But I put my penis in a woman once years ago, yeah."

"So you've never had _good_ sex," Baekhyun says, lifting his hands and making a crude gesture of poking a finger in a hole. "This kind I mean."

Chanyeol shrugs. "I don't think I have enough data points to say."

"We'll get you some data points," Baekhyun says, leaning heavily into Chanyeol. He could honestly fall asleep with how comfortable he is, but there's a few more things to cover. "But do you want to keep being the one sticking your dick in someone or…?"

This Baekhyun sort of expects Chanyeol to get embarrassed about, but there's none of that. Chanyeol shakes his head, confident. "I mean, we can definitely do it that way, but I'd really like you to fuck me too," he says, and wow if that statement doesn't make a good attempt to kick out Baekhyun's cheese-induced lethargy. "I've only tried on myself with my fingers and I liked it enough."

Nope. _That_ image definitely sparks some arousal in Baekhyun. He inhales sharply without meaning to and squeezes Chanyeol's hand. The hand that's probably been inside — okay. "Sure, yeah," he says, a little breathless, and clears his throat. "Wow, I feel a bit of pressure to deliver now."

"Our track record is pretty great so far," Chanyeol says, shifting a little so he can lean sideways against the back of the futon and look at Baekhyun directly. He pulls Baekhyun's legs across his lap with very little effort. Baekhyun's head is getting cloudier by the minute. "I just — am more than ready, you know? It was kind of chaotic when I was in school figuring out what I wanted, who I was attracted to, and then I was so focused on debuting and my career. You're the first stable relationship in a really long time and I feel good about it. Trusting you to make it good."

Baekhyun is a bit horrified to realize that Chanyeol's little speech is really touching and he's getting somewhat emotional. His knee jerk reaction is to mask that vulnerability, going for fake modesty as he waves his hands in front of himself. "Don't get your hopes up too high," he says, laughing. "I could be a terrible lay and people have just felt so bad they never told me."

Chanyeol, for all his claimed inexperience, seems unmoved. He curls his body up so he can rest his head in the curve of Baekhyun's shoulder, his long limbs slipping around Baekhyun's waist. "I don't think so," he says, his breath warm and a little ticklish against the sensitive skin of Baekhyun's neck. "You're a good guy, hyung."

Baekhyun is so, so, _so_ gone for this kid. He sinks his fingers into Chanyeol's hair and massages the spot behind his ear with his thumb. Chanyeol's been so generous and open with what he wants, clear that he doesn't have any unrealistic expectations, open to anything Baekhyun is willing to share but Baekhyun still wants perfection for him. It's what Chanyeol deserves and Baekhyun's scared, he realizes, that he might mess up.

"You're going to pull a muscle this way," Baekhyun says, tugging on Chanyeol's ear gently. Chanyeol sits up, but only enough to hover his face inches from Baekhyun's.

"I hear an invitation to move to your bed," Chanyeol says, the corner of his eyes wrinkling with his big, easy smile.

Baekhyun's stomach swoops. It's so hard to ignore, but he does it through sheer will, same with how his heartbeat suddenly doubles. Chanyeol makes him more nervous now than that first date weeks ago. He clears his throat and loops his arms behind Chanyeol's neck. "Carry me, you giant oaf."

Which Chanyeol does with zero complaints and practically zero effort too. Baekhyun ducks his head against Chanyeol's shoulder and pretends like he isn't blushing, isn't completely enjoying being princess-carried the four strides to get to his bed where Chanyeol sets him down gently like he's some precious gem.

It's really, really tempting to just sleep with Chanyeol now. He doesn't think it would be bad, or that Chanyeol would say no, but he stops himself from making any moves because he wants it to be perfect. For whatever reason, Chanyeol is placing so much trust in him, and so he wants their first time to be extra nice. Something to anticipate even if that same anticipation makes him nervous.

Still, he needs something though to diffuse the tension that's built up in him and he doesn't think he can really kick Chanyeol out at this point just to desperately jerk it in the shower. He pulls Chanyeol onto the bed and uses the surprise to flip Chanyeol onto his back, crawling on top of him. The need in him isn't even tied to his own arousal. He just has an urgent, overwhelming desire to make Chanyeol feel good. So that's what he does. He kisses Chanyeol until Chanyeol goes boneless under him and shoves his hand in Chanyeol's pants. He's efficient, but attentive, and has Chanyeol shaking loose beneath him in minutes. When Chanyeol tries to return the favor, Baekhyun waves him off because he's too far gone already, rocking against Chanyeol's thigh once, twice, and that's it. He doesn't even have enough energy to be embarrassed about coming in his pants and thankfully, Chanyeol doesn't care either if the needy way he kisses Baekhyun after is any indication.

After they've washed up and changed into clean underwear, Chanyeol spoons up behind Baekhyun in bed, fitting together so securely that Baekhyun would be happy if they never moved again.

+

The weather on Friday is perfect. It's bright and sunny outside with barely a cloud in sight. Baekhyun's got his bag packed and ready to go by 9:30 and Chanyeol pulls up outside at 10 on the dot.

Baekhyun skips down the steps and throws his stuff in the backseat, then hops into the passenger seat. It isn't until they get a bit outside of the city where there's less cars that Chanyeol reaches over the center console and takes Baekhyun's hand.

"Are you excited?"

Baekhyun sighs and squeezes Chanyeol's hand. "You have no idea. I can't remember the last time I took a vacation. Can't wait to do absolutely nothing but eat and lie around and, well. You know."

Chanyeol laughs, but his cheeks get a little pink. "Yeah. I know."

The drive out to the beach house is two hours. They spend most of it chatting comfortably, mostly about the projects Chanyeol is considering accepting after he gets back next week.

"Has anyone offered you a spy role yet? Or like, anything where you're in a suit a lot." Baekhyun's not interested in being subtle.

"I can definitely put in a request to get some scripts," Chanyeol says. "Action roles are tiring though."

"It doesn't have to be action," Baekhyun says, watching the scenery now that they're completely out of the city. "Lawyers wear suits too. Or, ooh, maybe you could play the president's son or something."

Chanyeol laughs. "Sounds like you should be a writer."

Baekhyun grows quiet, the comment a little too on the nose. He's sick of walking on eggshells when it comes to his job, though he isn't ready to bare it all. "I want to be," he says quietly. He'd taken his shoes off a while back and pulls his legs up, hugging his knees. "I actually want to do investigative reporting, you know like expose evil companies who are poisoning communities or stealing tax money while treating employees like shit."

"I didn't know that," Chanyeol says, glancing over at him.

"Yeah, it's what I went to school for, but the economy sucked when I graduated and I couldn't get anything decent. And now I just, do random shit that doesn't matter, whatever garbage my boss gives me. Yesterday I researched different types of manure for three hours."

Chanyeol keeps his eyes on the road, but runs his fingers through Baekhyun's hair.

"I told myself when I took this job that it would just be for a year, just because I needed _a_ job so I could have a paycheck. That was almost four years ago. I lied to my parents because they started to worry and told them I switched to a normal office job and I'm just doing freelance work on the side for extra cash." Baekhyun cleared his throat and sniffed once. "Anyway, just wanted you to know, I guess. That you're dating someone who can't get a real job."

"Hyung, no," Chanyeol says, rubbing Baekhyun's nape gently. "I used to work a bunch of part-time jobs at the same time before getting a role that actually got me attention. Convenience store, barbecue restaurant, delivering McDonald's, I did all of it. But they were still jobs, even if they were considered shitty ones."

"And then you got famous."

"Because someone took a chance and cast me in a show that just happened to get popular. You just need the right chance to come by too."

Baekhyun doesn't say anything to that. He's heard it before from Jongdae and other friends and he used to believe it too, hyping himself up. But after getting his freelance submissions rejected over and over the past few years, he's lost most of that optimism.

He feels bad for bringing the mood down when their vacation hasn't even started and turns the radio up, effectively ending the conversation. Chanyeol catches his hand and pulls it across to kiss the back of it. Baekhyun's chest tightens in a bad way, feeling guilty and disgusting that this person next to him is showing such open support without any judgment, and he's only here because he stalked the guy with the intention of harming his career.

Baekhyun turns his face away and stares out the window. He doesn't deserve this trip, doesn't deserve the comfort Chanyeol is showing, doesn't deserve Chanyeol period. He decides then and there that after the weekend is over, he's going to tell Chanyeol the truth. It'll probably mean the end of whatever they have, which Baekhyun is scared to admit is the best thing that's happened to him in a long time, but it'll be the right thing to do. He looks at Chanyeol and gives his best reassuring smile, his only priority from this point on to make sure Chanyeol has good memories of this weekend.

It won't make up for his deceit, but it's the least he can do for this person who has quietly, inconspicuously, like the moon drawing the tide, stolen his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

When they arrive at the beach house, it suddenly strikes Baekhyun that by "friend", Chanyeol had forgotten to precede that with "famous". It's not a large home, but just from the outside Baekhyun can tell it's the nicest place he'll ever step foot in. It's a bit modern looking with its large floor-to-ceiling windows, but still has character. There's a white porch out front and as they pull into the driveway, Baekhyun spots a pristine beach in the back and the blue of the ocean peeking over.

"Which friend of yours owns this place?" Baekhyun says as they head up the front steps.

"Oh, you know. Just a friend." For an actor, Chanyeol is terrible at being evasive.

"It's another actor, isn't it? Someone really famous owns this place, don't they?"

"They're only sort of famous."

Once they get inside, Baekhyun doesn't even want to touch anything in fear he'll break it or get it dirty. The interior design is tasteful, definitely professionally done, and Baekhyun's breath leaves him in a rush when he rounds the corner and sees the huge windows in the back letting in all the sunlight and the unobstructed view beyond of the water. A larger wave crests and crashes onto the shore, but the sound proofing is so thorough that Baekhyun can't even hear it.

"This place is stupidly nice," Baekhyun says, looking up at the twenty foot ceilings and the wide wooden beams which stretched across. The bedroom wasn't so much a room as the entire second floor, set on a loft overlooking the living room. "Seriously, who owns this place? Whose bed are we going to be banging on?"

Chanyeol flushes and drops his duffel bag on the couch. "Does it make a difference who it is?" he says, coming over and setting his hands on Baekhyun's shoulders briefly. He takes Baekhyun's bag from him and places it on top of his own. "It's ours for the weekend."

Baekhyun hugs Chanyeol from behind and waddles with him over to the kitchen. "I know I was really cool and suave with you," he says, prodding Chanyeol's side when that comments earns a snort, "but I get star struck sometimes."

"You get star struck even by a celebrity's home?" Chanyeol says, pulling out two bottles of water, setting one on the counter for Baekhyun. He opens the other and drinks from it and Baekhyun's eyes drift to his throat when he takes big gulps.

"If you don't tell me, I'm going to build it up too much and then get performance issues and you'll have brought me here for nothing."

Chanyeol sighs and presses Baekhyun against the counter, caging him in. "You really aren't going to let it go, are you?" he says, not really mad or annoyed, legitimately asking.

Baekhyun shrugs and plays with the collar of Chanyeol's shirt. "Persuasive is the word you're looking for."

Chanyeol reaches into his pocket for his phone and taps a few times, then flips it to show Baekhyun the screen. It's a conversation, someone wishing Chanyeol a good time this weekend. Baekhyun's eyes drift up to the top of the screen and his eyes bug out.

" _Lee Byunghun_?" Baekhyun practically screeches. "We're staying in _Lee Byunghun's_ beach house, _Lee Byunghun_ who has starred in _Hollywood movies_?"

Chanyeol puts his phone away and leaves his hands in his pockets. "That's the one."

Baekhyun covers his mouth with both hands. "We can't," he starts to say, then lowers his voice as if there's anyone else here besides Chanyeol, "we can't have sex on Lee Byunghun's beach house bed!"

"What about on the couch then?" Chanyeol says, pointing a thumb behind him. Baekhyun squeaks. "Are you really freaking out about this?"

"How do you even know him?"

"I did a drama with his wife this past winter and he visited the set a lot."

"And he just, lets you use his vacation home."

"We got along. I'm a cute junior." Chanyeol frames his face with his hands and wiggles his fingers. "If you really get performance anxiety…"

"Shut up!" Baekhyun says, hiding his face against Chanyeol's chest in embarrassment. He grabs the sides of Chanyeol's shirt. "Are you saying you don't feel at least a little weird about getting it on knowing whose place this is?"

Chanyeol shrugs one shoulder and takes Baekhyun's wrists, just holding on to them. "I try not to think about it. I also want you, a lot more than how weird I feel about where I am."

That single sentence gets rid of any discomfort Baekhyun has about whose bed they're going to sleep in. But replacing that discomfort are nerves directly proportional to how casual and confidently Chanyeol just admitted to wanting him. There's a much higher chance he's going to get performance anxiety from all the trust Chanyeol is showing him.

"I'm hungry, what's for lunch?" Baekhyun blurts out, sucking his lips in. Chanyeol looks a little surprised, probably because they're close enough to kiss and that's what he had expected, but he recovers fast.

"There's a few really good local restaurants nearby," Chanyeol says, looking up at the ceiling as he thinks. "You up for seafood?"

"Yup! Great! Seafood is great!"

Before they leave the house, Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun's hand after they slip their shoes back on. "If it really bothers you," he says, biting his lip briefly. "You can change your mind. You can just take this weekend to relax or we can go back."

Baekhyun feels bad. "No, fuck, sorry," he says, taking a deep breath. "I'm being an idiot." He presses his hands to Chanyeol's chest. "It doesn't bother me, but I'm really nervous, I guess."

"About sleeping together?"

"Yeah?" Baekhyun says, shrugging slightly. "I know you're not a virgin or anything, but this relationship is still a lot of firsts for you and I know I don't seem like it, but I'm actually a perfectionist and I like you a lot, you know?"

Chanyeol smiles, tilting Baekhyun's head up with a finger under his chin. "Hyung, you're really cute."

"Shut up." Baekhyun pretends to punch Chanyeol's shoulder and sighs, leaning into Chanyeol. "Just give me a couple hours to yell at myself in my head and I'll get over it. But I definitely still want to be here."

"I can do that," Chanyeol says and curls his hand behind Baekhyun's neck. "Can I kiss you right now though?"

Baekhyun looks up, Chanyeol absolutely towering over him when they're pressed together like this, and nods, pursing his lips. Chanyeol huffs out a quiet laugh and leans down while Baekhyun rises up on his toes. The kiss is gentle and unrushed and has Baekhyun melting a little, ready to change his mind about going out for lunch except of course that's when his stomach growls.

Baekhyun covers his stomach, but it's too late. Chanyeol laughs against his mouth. "I can take a hint," he says, grabbing Baekhyun's hand again, but this time to lead him out of the house. "Byunghun-hyung recommended this restaurant, by the way. If you hate it, you can blame him."

Groaning, Baekhyun accepts the teasing, knowing it's what he deserves. That it amuses Chanyeol so much, his laugh cutting through the air bright and sharp, Baekhyun doesn't even care how much he suffers as long as Chanyeol is happy.

+

Baekhyun ends up loving the restaurant and Chanyeol practically has to roll him out after he stuffs himself and charms the heck out of the aunties who run the place.

"Tell Byunghun-hyung that he has great taste," Baekhyun says during the short car ride back to the house. "Tell him he has great taste in which junior actors he takes under his wing too."

"Does this mean you've gotten over the weirdness?"

Out here, the roads are empty and the speed limit low. Baekhyun leans over the center and rests against Chanyeol's arm. "Pretty much," he says, sighing. It hadn't just been the food which was good. Halfway through, Baekhyun realized that it was the first time he and Chanyeol were out in public like any normal couple on any normal date. Sure, the aunties had thought they were just friends, but the two of them had known. The restaurant had been fairly empty too, just two other tables with customers, all local, older folks who had no clue who Chanyeol was. It wasn't until they had a normal meal outside that Baekhyun realized how stifling what they've been doing in the city had really been. It made him want to take advantage of this weekend as much as possible, which means whatever hang-ups he has he needs to throw aside. "We deserve this weekend getaway."

"We do," Chanyeol says, taking Baekhyun's hand. "What do you want to do when we get back?"

Baekhyun hums, then looks up. "Let's watch one of your dramas."

Chanyeol laughs. "Let's definitely not do that," he says, making the turn onto their street.

"Fine," Baekhyun says, sitting up to undo his seatbelt. "I've been watching them on my own anyway."

"Really?"

Baekhyun scoffs. "Of course. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I weren't supportive of your work?"

Chanyeol meets Baekhyun in front of the car and slings his arm around Baekhyun's shoulders. "Please tell me you're at least avoiding the stuff I did when I debuted."

"Are you kidding me? Watching your awkward early work is the best."

Chanyeol shakes his head and lets them into the house. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

"Don't be embarrassed," Baekhyun says, attaching himself to Chanyeol's waist after they toe their shoes off and shuffle further inside. "You were adorable."

"I really don't think adorable is the word for it," Chanyeol says, dropping onto the couch and taking Baekhyun with him. He lies down and Baekhyun naturally follows, cuddling up. "I can barely look at photos of myself from back then. The awful haircuts and fashion." He shudders.

"Guess I must really like you if it's all cute to me," Baekhyun says, playing with Chanyeol's hair.

"That's so cheesy," Chanyeol says, but his expression softens and he tilts his face up to peck Baekhyun on the mouth anyway.

They're only a couple hours outside of the city, but to Baekhyun they're practically in a different world. Chanyeol looks the most relaxed he's ever seen him and Baekhyun wants to keep them here forever, where they have no responsibilities, no one demanding things from them, no pressure to be anyone they're not. It's not realistic, he knows, but he can still want it, the content he feels in this moment something he wants to protect.

"We should check out the beach later," Chanyeol says, slipping his hand underneath Baekhyun's shirt to pet his back. It's a lazy, intimate gesture, but not meant to inspire anything less than innocent. "It's part of the property, so no one's going to sneak up on us. The sunset will probably be really nice."

"Romantic," Baekhyun says, nodding. He feels a little sleepy suddenly, the big meal catching up to him as well as the fact that he was up pretty early this morning, excited for the trip. He rests his head on Chanyeol's shoulder and tells himself he'll just rest his eyes a bit, but the hand on his back is soothing and so is the gentle thump of Chanyeol's heartbeat under his ear.

Before he knows it, Baekhyun is asleep.

+

When Baekhyun wakes up, he doesn't know where he is. He's warm though and there's a body underneath him. It only takes a couple seconds for him to get his bearings, recognizing the scent of Chanyeol's cologne. Lifting his head, he rubs at his eyes and realizes Chanyeol had fallen asleep too and is still out, his breathing slow and steady under Baekhyun.

Maybe it's a little creepy, but Baekhyun watches Chanyeol, feeling a bit like the passage of time doesn't exist right now. It's just him and Chanyeol in their little bubble, Chanyeol's hand still a warm weight on his back. He wonders where he'd be if he had never discovered Chanyeol that night. Miserable at the office, probably, which he still is these days, but without the silver lining of having Chanyeol's messages brightening his day or hearing Chanyeol's voice after work to look forward to.

He remembers suddenly the promise to himself to tell Chanyeol the truth when they get back to the city in a few days. He's still intent on doing so, but he gets a taste of how difficult it's going to be, to willfully give up this wonderful, pure thing that Chanyeol's been offering him.

In the late afternoon, the sun has dipped low enough that it floods the entire room. Chanyeol's hair turns a warm golden brown and his nose scrunches up a little, a soft sigh leaving him. Baekhyun wonders if he's dreaming and what about. He touches his index finger gently to the spot between Chanyeol's eyebrows where it's still a bit tense and runs it down the bridge of Chanyeol's nose until his expression relaxes.

Baekhyun gets impatient waiting for Chanyeol wake up, but doesn't actually want to disturb him, not when he knows how busy Chanyeol's schedule can be and he must be tired from driving the entire way here. He eases out of Chanyeol's hold carefully and stretches his arms overhead, thinking he'll make some coffee, but first he takes the blanket folded off to the side and covers Chanyeol with it, smiling when Chanyeol sighs and curls up into the warmth.

He only has to poke around a few cupboards before he finds the coffee grounds and pads around quietly, filling the machine and flipping it on to brew. While waiting, he sits in the little breakfast nook and looks out the window. The waves have calmed down since the morning and Baekhyun watches, mesmerized, at the water lapping at the shore.

Baekhyun doesn't hear Chanyeol walk up until he's only a few steps away. Chanyeol's got the blanket wrapped around himself and still looks half-asleep, eyes squinting a little at Baekhyun who's sitting directly in the sun.

"You're awake," Baekhyun says and holds his arms open for Chanyeol to come and cuddle up right next to him. He fixes Chanyeol's hair that's sticking up and laughs quietly when Chanyeol turns his face up, eyes closed again, but clearly seeking a kiss. "Cute," he says and presses their lips together softly.

Baekhyun lets Chanyeol doze against him for a couple more minutes, then pats Chanyeol's side and says he's going to get some coffee. He already knows how Chanyeol likes his — no milk, one spoon of sugar — and drops another kiss to Chanyeol's head as Chanyeol cups his hands around the steaming mug given to him.

It's something special, watching Chanyeol slowly shake off the traces of sleep with each sip he takes. His eyes grow brighter and he sits up a bit, but stays buried in the blanket. "Hi," Chanyeol says, halfway through, his voice deep and scratchy, but quiet, reaching across the booth for Baekhyun's hand. He presses their palms together and interlocks their fingers and for a second, Baekhyun is nearly overcome with sadness at the knowledge that he is probably going to lose this in only a few days.

Baekhyun stops it from showing on his face just in time and smiles back at Chanyeol instead, pulling Chanyeol's hand forward to kiss the back of it. He really could just spend the whole weekend sitting here, taking Chanyeol in, but he's afraid of all the things he might confess if he did that.

"We have a few hours until sunset," Baekhyun says, shifting his attention to outside. "What do you want to do?"

"This is already pretty nice," Chanyeol says, and when Baekhyun looks back Chanyeol is staring at him and reaches forward to tuck Baekhyun's hair behind his ear.

It's cheesy, but it works on Baekhyun all the same. He blushes and bats Chanyeol's hand away, mumbling something about needing more coffee as he gets up, but his mug is still half full. Chanyeol follows him, blanketless, and hugs Baekhyun from behind. He has to spread his feet quite a bit to be level with Baekhyun's shoulder, which is a bit of an attack to Baekhyun's ego, but his indignation comes and goes quickly once Chanyeol presses their cheeks together.

"I still need to watch Kyungsoo's latest movie," Chanyeol says, and Baekhyun feels like he's going to disappear into Chanyeol's long limbs. "He tap dances in it, so it should be great. We can order dinner whenever we get hungry?"

Even after Baekhyun nods, they don't move. Chanyeol is like a furnace but Baekhyun likes the way he's held too much. He doesn't really care what they do this weekend just as long as he gets to maintain some sort of physical contact with Chanyeol at all times. It feels a bit needy, but Baekhyun recognizes what he wants and has long moved past the part of his life where he thinks faking coolness does anyone any good.

"What are you thinking so seriously about?" Chanyeol says, moving his hands back to rest on Baekhyun's waist.

He's thinking about how nice it is to just be with someone and not feel the pressure to say something or act a certain way. He's thinking about how Chanyeol is so comfortable and he doesn't even care that Chanyeol's practically a tree. He's thinking about the mental acrobatics he's going to have to do in two days to give this up. He's thinking about how selfish he already feels and if it's going to be worse when it actually matters.

Baekhyun shakes his head. "Nothing," he says, turning around. It borders on irritating how handsome Chanyeol looks even though he still has a bit of lingering bedhead. He runs both hands through Chanyeol's hair and smiles when Chanyeol's eyes flutter shut and he leans into the touch. "Let's have a movie date."

+

Kyungsoo's movie turns out to be really good and provides a good distraction. Or, as much of a distraction when Chanyeol insists on using Baekhyun's lap as a pillow. There's a couple scenes in the middle that Baekhyun completely glosses over, too preoccupied with petting Chanyeol's hair and mentally tracing Chanyeol's jawline over and over.

When the credits roll, Chanyeol stretches his arms over his head and brings one up to cup the back of Baekhyun's neck.

"Kyungsoo's pretty talented," Baekhyun says, pretending he doesn't see the way Chanyeol's looking at him, soft and with a hint of admiration he doesn't really understand.

"Yeah, he can basically do anything," Chanyeol says, dropping his hands down to his lap. "It's hard not to be jealous."

Baekhyun tips his head, focusing his attention now. "You're talented too."

"You're just saying that because we're dating," Chanyeol says, lighthearted, but Baekhyun doesn't like hearing it anyway.

"Really, you are," Baekhyun says, squeezing Chanyeol's arm. "I love watching you act. You pick roles that are so different and you immerse yourself in each one and I'm always amazed that it's really you on screen."

Chanyeol gives a little smile and sits up to kiss Baekhyun softly. "Thanks, hyung. That means a lot."

"Anytime you need a cheerleader," Baekhyun says, headbutting Chanyeol gently.

They order noodles for dinner and pop open a bottle of wine while they wait for it to be delivered. Baekhyun's no connoisseur, but even he can tell the wine is good on the first sip.

"I don't want to know how much this bottle costs," Baekhyun says and Chanyeol laughs, looking at the label.

"I don't think it's that expensive. I think you've just been drinking cheap wine too much."

"Wow, you think you know everything about me."

Chanyeol has that intensity again when he looks at Baekhyun. "I'm trying," he says quietly. The sincerity in those two simple words floors Baekhyun, rendering him speechless, and he drinks more just to do something, anything that's not analyzing all the signals Chanyeol is sending him.

Their food arrives and to Baekhyun's relief, Chanyeol doesn't give him anymore crisis-inducing looks while they eat. Chanyeol talks about some of the stuff they can do around here if they want to venture out later this weekend, like a little shop that still makes paper by hand where they could go and take a class. It's such a first date kind of feel, but maybe that's appropriate for them, since it isn't something Chanyeol could do in the city.

Baekhyun is appropriately sated after dinner and they clean up just in time to venture out to the beach, the sunset just starting to light up the sky and water in oranges and purples and reds. There's a swing bench set up on the beach for two to cozy up. They each have their glass of wine and a blanket, the evening air becoming chilly fast as the sun goes down.

Chanyeol drapes his blanket around their shoulders while Baekhyun's covers their laps with his. With the shared body heat, it's toasty and comfortable and Baekhyun relaxes into Chanyeol's side, tucking his head against Chanyeol's shoulder.

They don't really talk. Chanyeol has his arm around Baekhyun and they both sip their wine and watch the sun slowly sink toward the horizon. Baekhyun tries to remember if any of his past relationships had moments like this where it was just him and the other person, sharing a space quietly, content just with each other's presence. Perhaps it happened once, but not like this, the comfort and familiarity he feels softening his senses more than the alcohol.

At one point Chanyeol takes out his phone and turns on the camera. He doesn't even say anything, just holds it up so they're both in the frame. Baekhyun smiles for a photo, then laughs when Chanyeol kisses his cheek and snaps another one. When Chanyeol pulls them up after, Baekhyun can barely look at the screen.

The happiness captured between them is almost scary. Baekhyun doesn't know if he's ever been captured smiling so open and unguarded. Anyone looking at these would know exactly how deep he's gotten himself. He sees it too and wishes he couldn't because it's so much worse than he thought.

There's no way Chanyeol doesn't see the same. He stares at the two photos for a long time, making Baekhyun nervous, but then just puts his phone away and pulls Baekhyun even closer, dropping a kiss to the top of Baekhyun's head.

Baekhyun thinks his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. Chanyeol's actions lately make Baekhyun wonder just who is showing whom what a good relationship can be like.

They stay even when the sun goes down and watch the stars come out instead. Chanyeol starts talking quietly into Baekhyun's ear, pointing out the constellations and a tiny little speck that's Saturn.

_I'm in love with him_ , Baekhyun realizes in the middle of Chanyeol telling him about the mythology of the Roman god Saturn. It is initially just a passing thought, the low tones of Chanyeol's voice serving as a distraction, and then Baekhyun heats up all over when he processes it, panicked.

"Are you okay?" Chanyeol says, glancing over. "You got really tense suddenly."

"Just cold," Baekhyun forces out. He curls up a little on himself and tries to relax, to keep Chanyeol from asking more.

"We should probably go inside," Chanyeol says, rubbing Baekhyun's arm to get his blood flowing. "It's getting pretty cold out now."

They pull the blankets around themselves and make the short trek back to the house. Baekhyun shivers when they step inside, allowing warmth to sink back into his bones. Chanyeol places their empty glasses in the sink and comes over to Baekhyun, cupping his face with surprisingly warm hands and smiling down at him.

"I'm going to take a quick shower," Chanyeol says, pecking Baekhyun's lips. "Don't miss me too much."

Baekhyun manages a smile and watches Chanyeol disappear into the bathroom, waiting for the sound of the water turning on before he even moves. He collapses onto the couch, dazed, and stares at the wall. He counts how many weeks it's been since their first date, how many weeks since he's even known Chanyeol. Regardless of how he approaches it, it's hasn't been nearly long enough for the word "love" to be entering his thoughts. Yet, there it is.

He tips his head back and closes his eyes. It's supposed to be a good thing, a realization to be celebrated, but Baekhyun only feels anxious. The timing is terrible and he doesn't know how he's going to make it through the rest of the weekend. Every time he looks at Chanyeol he's going to hear it in his head, _I love him._

The shower stops and a few minutes later, Baekhyun hears Chanyeol's footsteps. A moment later, Baekhyun lifts his head to see Chanyeol in front of him in just a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, no top, and drying his hair with a towel around his neck. Chanyeol crouches down and takes Baekhyun's hands.

"Hyung, you sure you're okay?" he says, brows furrowed. "You're so quiet."

Maybe Chanyeol won't be furious when Baekhyun admits how they really met. Maybe he'll just go off for a day or two but come back to Baekhyun in the end and Baekhyun will beg for forgiveness and say his feelings are real and Chanyeol, who is sweet and patient and already takes care of Baekhyun in all the ways Baekhyun should be taking care of him, will stay.

Maybe Baekhyun can hope, just a little.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Baekhyun says, even though he's not really sure. He scoots forward and hugs Chanyeol, who returns it without question, petting his back slowly.

"Come on," Chanyeol says, standing and keeping his hold on Baekhyun's hand. "We should sleep."

Baekhyun follows Chanyeol upstairs. He nudges Chanyeol to get into bed while he grabs his things and ducks into the bathroom and washes up. He returns changed into pajamas too, which is just an old t-shirt and his boxers, and crawls into the king size bed. The mattress is soft and the blankets thick with down and it makes Baekhyun feel like he's sinking into a cloud, especially so when Chanyeol pulls him in and presses his face against the side of Baekhyun's neck. It's probably what being swaddled feels like and he completely understands why it calms babies.

"Are you glad you came?" Chanyeol says, his arm a comfortable weight over Baekhyun's stomach. "Was today good?"

Baekhyun doesn't know how to answer that, not after his recent and somewhat disruptive realization. He doesn't want to concern Chanyeol even more by waiting too long to answer though, so he pets Chanyeol's arm and says, "Of course."

The only light on is the lamp on the nightstand by Chanyeol. The covers are only up to their waists and like this, Chanyeol looks like he's doing a magazine spread for a luxury bedding brand. The low light makes his skin a bit more golden and the shadows of his muscles seem more striking when he moves and perches his head on one hand, the other still on Baekhyun's chest. Baekhyun has no idea why Chanyeol picked him of all people to be attracted to. He feels like a four at best next to Chanyeol's ten.

"Really, I am," Baekhyun says when Chanyeol just stares at him. He fights the urge to fidget and keeps eye contact. Only liars looked away, that's how it worked, right?

Chanyeol's hand travels up and he traces his finger along Baekhyun's jaw. "I just want to make sure you're okay with what this is, which is basically me bribing your happiness with expensive, nice things."

"What are you talking about?"

"I asked to use this place because I felt guilty for not being around," Chanyeol says, playing with the collar of Baekhyun's t-shirt. "And how it'll happen again, me being too busy with work to be a good boyfriend or whatever."

Baekhyun frowns. "You've been great this whole time."

Chanyeol shrugs. "A lot of people say it's better to date someone in the industry because they'll understand the demanding schedule and the sharing with fans and all that. I've been told by a few who've tried dating normal people," he did air quotes there, "that it never works out and they always get accused of prioritizing the job over their relationship and the breakup is usually messy.

"I didn't want to be obvious about what I was doing," Chanyeol says, holding Baekhyun's gaze. "But if you're uncomfortable because you've figured it out, I just want a chance to talk it through."

Baekhyun blinks. "You want to make sure I'm not upset because you brought me to a nice beach house and are practically spoiling me?"

Chanyeol shrugs. "I don't know if I'm expressing myself correctly."

"Well, one, I'm not sure why you think this trip is a bribe or that you would even need to?" Baekhyun isn't upset, just confused and a little concerned that he had no idea Chanyeol was feeling like this. "We haven't even been seeing each other that long, barely a couple months."

A couple months and Baekhyun's entire self has been compromised. It's still as terrifying as when he calculated it downstairs.

"I know," Chanyeol says, hesitating. "Am I being too serious? Or, worrying too much? You keep saying you don't care that we can't go out like normal people—"

"I don't."

"— but I don't want you to like, subconsciously settle and then one day realize you've actually been miserable for months."

"How long have you been thinking about this?"

Chanyeol bites his lip, looking a little admonished though Baekhyun didn't know why. "Since I asked if you wanted to come."

"Stop letting others put shitty ideas into your head," Baekhyun says, nudging Chanyeol's temple lightly. "If I didn't like something I'd tell you, the same way I'd want you to tell me."

Chanyeol drops his head onto the pillow and hides his face. "I know," he says, muffled into it. "I felt stupid halfway through telling you all that."

"I know there's a lot of stuff that's still a mess in my life," Baekhyun says, turning onto his side so he can comfortably pet Chanyeol's hair. "But the one thing I can say is that I've learned from a lot of relationship mistakes I've made in the past. So you don't have to do these grand gestures if you think you somehow have to balance out the day to day. Sometimes your job is going to the most important. But I get that so you're fine."

Chanyeol peeks out and pouts in a way that undermines all the moments of maturity he's shown Baekhyun in the past few days. "Ugh, I'm sorry I got all insecure and ridiculous. I shouldn't have listened to anyone."

Baekhyun smiles, finding Chanyeol particularly adorable right now. It's good that there's things where Baekhyun is somehow more wise. "Come here," he says, even though he pushes Chanyeol onto his back so he can lean over for a kiss. Chanyeol's hands automatically go for Baekhyun's waist. "You're already the most thoughtful guy I've ever dated. Don't worry about having to be perfect."

Chanyeol grins, clearly basking in the compliment. "Really? But have I swept you off your feet yet?"

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. The answer is almost, but he certainly won't admit it. Watching Chanyeol earlier fawn over the photos they took was the worst to witness, though it has him itching to ask what exactly had gone through Chanyeol's head. "Check back in a couple days."

"Two days is plenty of time for me to plot something effective," Chanyeol says.

That strikes a bit of terror in Baekhyun, because he knows Chanyeol isn't just saying it for show. He doesn't think he can even begin to imagine what Chanyeol might come up with and how much further it'd have Baekhyun falling.

"Maybe _I'm_ going to be the one sweeping _you_ off your feet," Baekhyun says, using the moment to get on top, hovering on all fours over Chanyeol. It's a little daunting when he gets there and is staring straight down at Chanyeol.

"Maybe," Chanyeol says softly, who is staring back so ardently that Baekhyun's stomach does a flip.

Baekhyun is already losing.

After their long talk the other day, they hadn't revisited the topic of being intimate this weekend. There was Baekhyun's weird freak out this morning, sure, but that hadn't really counted. He knows what Chanyeol's expectations are around the what, but realizes he doesn't know anything around when or how much. Honestly, he really could spend the entire weekend in bed, but he's cautious about what kind of message that might send. He's happy that Chanyeol wants more and trusts that Baekhyun will take care of him, but he doesn't want Chanyeol to think that now the opportunity is there, it's all Baekhyun cares about.

"Are you going to sweep or not?" Chanyeol says, running his hand over Baekhyun's arm braced against the bed. He looks a bit amused, as if he knows exactly the crisis happening in Baekhyun's head.

"Don't pressure me," Baekhyun says.

"I would never," Chanyeol says, genuine, tilting his head. "But your time is limited."

Baekhyun knows Chanyeol just means their contest of wooing each other this weekend, but he can't help but think about more serious things. About the very real possibility that his time with Chanyeol period will be limited. If that's the case, he can't let his hold ups stop him if Chanyeol is giving every indication that he wants him.

"Hyung, you can just kiss me for now," Chanyeol says, tugging gently on Baekhyun's shirt. "We don't have to do anything else."

Kissing, that Baekhyun can manage. He nods and leans down, gaze flickering up to check with Chanyeol one more time before their lips meet. Chanyeol practically melts under him, his hand sliding up behind Baekhyun's neck to keep him there, as if Baekhyun has any intention of leaving. The kiss is slow, but by no means innocent. Baekhyun eases his body lower, bracing his forearms on the bed instead so he can play with Chanyeol's hair as their mouths meet over and over. Chanyeol's other hand sneaks down and dips below Baekhyun's shirt to curl against his waist. It's large and warm and Baekhyun's mind wanders to the thought of both of Chanyeol's hands on him, holding him, moving him, throwing him around.

It's enough to get him to break the kiss and stare down at Chanyeol whose lips are shiny, who is looking at Baekhyun with both patience and buzzing expectation.

"I know," Baekhyun starts, licking his lips. Chanyeol's gaze lowers briefly and Baekhyun feels powerful. "I know you told me what you wanted, but."

"But?" Chanyeol says, starting to take his hand away from Baekhyun's hip, getting the wrong idea. Baekhyun is quick to reach down and keep it there, shaking his head.

"I just mean," Baekhyun says, swallowing. "I'm feeling a bit selfish, that's all."

Confusion lingers on Chanyeol's face for another second before he processes what Baekhyun's getting at. "I think you should say it explicitly just to make sure we're on the same page."

Baekhyun inhales and closes his eyes for a moment. "Fuck me," he says in a rush, watching Chanyeol's gaze sharpen. He feels it too, in the way Chanyeol's hand tightens on him and yeah, that's exactly what he wants. "And I don't want it slow and gentle."

Chanyeol swallows and Baekhyun wonders if he's asking for too much too fast. But then Chanyeol nods and looks off to the side where their bags are. Right.

Baekhyun climbs off, already starting to get jittery from anticipation. He digs around his duffel for the condoms and lube he packed, tossing both onto the bed. Chanyeol sits up and takes the string of condoms, holding it up, revealing that there's at least 12 packets.

"How much sex did you think we were going to have on this trip?" Chanyeol says, looking both concerned and amused. Baekhyun gets out of his head enough to be properly flustered, taking the condoms back and only ripping off one, hastily throwing the rest back toward his bag.

"It was what came in the box!" Baekhyun says, crawling back into bed. He kneels next to Chanyeol, unsure how to get the mood back. Chanyeol doesn't seem to have the same concern and reaches over to take the hem of Baekhyun's shirt, pulling it off smoothly. Baekhyun rises up and kisses Chanyeol again, smiling into it as Chanyeol rids him of his boxers too, leaving him completely naked.

"This feels unfair," Baekhyun says, staring down at Chanyeol's pajama bottoms.

"You just have to ask," Chanyeol says, but he's reaching down to shed them anyway, tossing them in the same direction as Baekhyun's clothes. He tugs on Baekhyun's wrist and Baekhyun goes easily, straddling Chanyeol's lap.

Baekhyun's always liked being naked with someone. It doesn't even have to be sexual, he just likes the intimacy of it, the direct warmth of someone's body against his comforting. He feels that way now and can't get rid of the smile on his face, winding his arms behind Chanyeol's back. It's hard sometimes, he knows, to be naked with someone and not act different, that everything is a bit more vulnerable. But that isn't the case with Chanyeol and it's nice. Relaxing, even.

"I thought you didn't want slow and gentle," Chanyeol says, when Baekhyun rubs his nose against Chanyeol's throat.

"Later, I don't," Baekhyun says, running his hands down the length of Chanyeol's arms. He holds both of Chanyeol's hands when he gets to the end. "But right now, I like this."

Chanyeol smiles and squeezes Baekhyun's hands, leans in to press his lips to Baekhyun's forehead. It's not a new gesture. Chanyeol emphasizes their height difference all the time by kissing Baekhyun on the forehead but this time, it does something to Baekhyun and he almost confesses just how much he feels for Chanyeol, how content he is that they're here like this, together.

Baekhyun won't be able to talk if his mouth is doing something else though, so he tilts his head up and kisses Chanyeol. It's definitely less gentle than the way they're touching right now, Baekhyun trying to communicate his intentions. He wants Chanyeol to fuck him, to throw him around like a rag doll, but he's happy to tell Chanyeol how to do it.

Bringing Chanyeol's hands down to his waist, Baekhyun starts rocking his hips and sighs into Chanyeol's mouth at the first small jolts of arousal that lick at his spine. Chanyeol seems to get the hint, grabbing Baekhyun and following his movements at first, then takes over and makes Baekhyun's hips rock a little wider, pulls him in a little harder until they stop kissing, lips now only just touching, all their focus on moving together.

Baekhyun becomes more turned on the harder Chanyeol grips him and lets out an encouraging sound when those hands slide back to cup his ass, squeezing and then lifting him so Chanyeol can rub his cock between his cheeks. It's possibly the hottest thing anyone's ever done to Baekhyun and he thinks he should make it known.

"Fuck, that's the hottest thing anyone's ever done," he says, running his hands over Chanyeol's biceps. "I don't even care that you're so stupidly big if you can do this."

Chanyeol laughs, but it's a little strained, though Baekhyun doesn't know of it's because he's heavy or because the comment really got to him. "Let me guess — the idea of getting fucked against the wall is really appealing to you."

"If you can do that to me, I'll marry you," Baekhyun says, forgetting that he shouldn't be talking.

But Chanyeol laughs again and lets Baekhyun rest in his lap, his hands coming up to Baekhyun's chest instead, both thumbs flicking and playing with Baekhyun's nipples. "How much foreplay do you want?"

Honestly, Baekhyun's already pretty turned on, but Chanyeol's hands feel good and he's got his mouth on Baekhyun's throat, sucking at it in a way where Baekhyun will walk into the bathroom in the morning and see a mark. So he lets Chanyeol continue for a bit, but also reaches for the lube and condom for when his patience runs out.

It really doesn't take long. His cock keeps rubbing up against Chanyeol's stupid abs and he's never particularly thought about humping someone's stomach to get off, but he's thinking about it now. Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol's head up and kisses him, wet and filthy, moaning a little too loud, and presses the lube into Chanyeol's hand to make sure he's on the same page. But just in case: "Two fingers, then I'm good."

Chanyeol's eyes become a little glassy and Baekhyun cups his face and kisses up to his ear.

"I can do it myself too," Baekhyun says, starting to take the bottle back, but Chanyeol nudges his hand away. The next thing he knows, he's practically tossed onto his front, Chanyeol shifting behind him to lift Baekhyun onto his knees, ass in the air. He doesn't have to look to know his cock really liked that. "Fuck, or you've got it, okay."

It's good Chanyeol doesn't tease. There's the soft click of the bottle of lube and almost immediately the touch of Chanyeol's slick fingers against Baekhyun. It's only a little cold, but Baekhyun barely notices, not when Chanyeol is pushing in with both fingers and the mild stretch is exactly what Baekhyun is looking for.

Chanyeol doesn't say anything as he works Baekhyun open and when Baekhyun looks over his shoulder, the sight he sees is both sexy and kind of romantic. Chanyeol's got such a serious look on his face, but his cheeks are pink and his hair is ruffled, and he leans over to kiss up Baekhyun's spine. "Okay?"

Baekhyun nods and tries to grab at the condom, but it's out of reach. "I'm good, please fuck me."

Chanyeol closes his eyes briefly, but startles into action, pulling his fingers out and getting a condom on with impressive efficiency.

"You sure you haven't done this much?" Baekhyun says, wiggling his hips because he can't help it, he knows what kind of sight he makes right now and he wants to see the distress in Chanyeol's face.

Chanyeol groans and takes Baekhyun's hips to make him stop. "Maybe I dreamt about this enough that it counted as practice."

Baekhyun doesn't get to dive further into that, the admittance that Chanyeol has sex dreams about him. Chanyeol pushes into him slowly and his breath gets caught, static filling his head. He doesn't know anything except for the stretch and pressure of Chanyeol filling him, and the wonderful fullness once Chanyeol's hips come to rest against him.

"Hyung," Chanyeol says, sounding a bit wrecked already. Baekhyun gets onto his elbows and nods, pushing back.

"You can go," Baekhyun says, his hands trembling a little when Chanyeol takes care to get a good grip on his hips, a clear sign that Baekhyun should hold on to something so he pulls a pillow to him to get them to still.

There's no slow ramp up. It's amazing right from the start, Chanyeol fucking him with deep, hard thrusts that have him sliding up the bed, tiny noises forced from his throat. There's been a couple of guys in the past who've had amazing dicks that left Baekhyun speechless after they fucked. He knows already by the end of tonight Chanyeol's dick is going to be up there too.

"Oh my god," Baekhyun moans, pressing his face into the pillow. Chanyeol's breathing hard behind him, but his thrusts are steady and Baekhyun's already changed his mind. He doesn't want to be fucked by anyone else ever again. Chanyeol's heavy thrusts has Baekhyun going boneless, but Chanyeol has no problem keeping him propped up.

After a few minutes, Chanyeol stops and Baekhyun is about to complain when Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun's discarded t-shirt and shoves it under Baekhyun's hips. "Sorry, I'm getting close," he says, then proceeds to press Baekhyun's hips a little lower, thrusting slowly until Baekhyun lets out an embarrassingly loud yelp, tensing up. He can practically hear Chanyeol's grin when he says, "Cool, found it."

Baekhyun gets zero chance to complain about Chanyeol's cheekiness. Chanyeol immediately begins fucking him hard and fast, the sound of sex echoing unmistakable through the house. The new angle, the one Chanyeol found on purpose, makes Baekhyun's eyes roll back from the near spiritual experience he's having. He's making a bunch of noise, none of it real words, maybe a garbled plea somewhere in the middle. Every push and pull of Chanyeol's cock sends sparks through him that all end up pooling in his gut, a live wire just waiting for the right trigger.

When Chanyeol reaches around and takes Baekhyun's cock, it's over. It takes only a few strokes and Baekhyun is coming with a strained groan, his body lighting up with that sharp, warm flood of pleasure. He comes so hard he thinks he's going to pass out, forgetting how to breathe.

He's still perched delicately on his elbows and knees when some of his senses come back and he hears Chanyeol's footsteps and feels the bed dip with his weight. He doesn't know when Chanyeol even came and can't decide if that's a good or bad thing.

"Hyung?" Chanyeol says, running his hand over Baekhyun's back.

"What the fuck," Baekhyun says, throat dry. He swallows. "What the _fuck_." He closes his eyes and tugs on his hair, realizes his legs are trembling a little.

Chanyeol loops his arms under Baekhyun's stomach and chest and pulls him back like he barely weighs a thing. He settles them into a spooning position and tucks his chin over Baekhyun's shoulder, throws a leg over Baekhyun's hip too. He doesn't say anything, which is fine. Baekhyun is a little gone still, floating back to Earth slowly with the warmth of Chanyeol's limbs snug around him and both of Chanyeol's hands smoothing over his chest and stomach.

After a while, Chanyeol eases Baekhyun around. Baekhyun immediately goes for more physical contact, practically whining for it until Chanyeol pulls him in and tangles their legs together. Baekhyun tilts his head up and kisses Chanyeol slow like he's moving underwater, sighing in satisfaction when Chanyeol's large palm cups his face.

"Hyung," Chanyeol says, pushing Baekhyun's hair back. "You okay?" There's a distinct smile in his voice and Baekhyun would defend himself if he hadn't just been fucked so good that words left him.

Well, except for, "What the fuck," whispered with perplexed awe.

Chanyeol laughs this time, the sound of it low and rumbling in his chest that Baekhyun can physically feel under his hands. "Not sure if I want to admit my secrets," he says, nose pressed to Baekhyun's cheek. "I kind of like how shocked you are."

"You said you didn't have much experience," Baekhyun says, the scrambled signals in his brain finally settling down.

"I don't," Chanyeol says, hesitating with a sigh. "But I do have a lot of experience watching porn. Not like, I'm addicted to it or anything! Just. When you're a budding actor trying to figure out your sexuality there's not a lot of options."

Baekhyun tries to process this. "You learned how to fuck like that by watching porn."

"When I said I went through a lot of porn, I mean _a lot_ ," Chanyeol says, laughing. "Most of it is really messed up, but you end up finding the few gems where it's two — or more! — people having a genuinely good time."

Baekhyun tucks his head under Chanyeol's chin, breathing in deep. He's so relaxed even as he worries about what he can possibly show Chanyeol now. "You really are going to end up giving me performance anxiety," he mumbles.

Chanyeol shakes his head. "I have complete faith in you."

Baekhyun kisses the dip between Chanyeol's collarbones. "You said it," he says, making a poor attempt to grab at the blanket by stretching his arm out and wiggling his fingers pathetically. Chanyeol grabs it instead and pulls it up over their shoulders. "No take backs."

"No take backs," Chanyeol says. He curls his arm around Baekhyun's waist, protective almost.

Before Baekhyun knows it, he's fast asleep, sated, warm, secure, and maybe it feels a little bit like being wrapped up in love.

+

As if last night wasn't enough, Baekhyun wakes up to Chanyeol between his thighs nuzzling at Baekhyun's morning wood and that shouldn't be cute, but it is on top of completely sexy. Chanyeol sucks him off to a soft, easy orgasm and Baekhyun returns the favor with his hand. He showers Chanyeol with praise in his drowsy, sleep-scratched voice, like "that's it, gorgeous" and "there you go" until Chanyeol spills onto his stomach.

Chanyeol wipes him clean and Baekhyun makes a noise of recognition. "Is that my shirt?"

"Yeah, but it's already dirty," Chanyeol says, balling it up. "You came all over it last night, so we wouldn't get anything on the sheets."

"What am I going to sleep in now?" Baekhyun says, then realizes that's a stupid question when Chanyeol shamelessly runs his gaze down Baekhyun's naked body. "Okay, fine, but you can't just leave my shirt all gross like that all weekend!"

Chanyeol laughs and crawls off the bed, stark naked. There's a sunroof in the ceiling that Baekhyun wasn't able to see last night, and the light streaming in hits Chanyeol in all the right places. "There's a laundry machine downstairs. We can put yesterday's clothes in."

Chanyeol wanders off to wash up and get dressed. Baekhyun's still curled up in the sheets when he comes back and he stands at the foot of the bed, looking at Baekhyun without saying anything.

"What?" Baekhyun says, tugging the sheets higher over his chest.

"Nothing," Chanyeol says, shaking his head. "I'll go make some coffee."

There's still a few seconds between Chanyeol's words and when he finally turns to head downstairs. The muted sounds of brewing coffee filters up and Baekhyun forces himself out of bed, grabbing a new changes of clothes as he heads into the bathroom for a quick shower. When he finally gets downstairs, Chanyeol's got breakfast laid out too, toast and sausage and eggs. Baekhyun's stomach grumbles at the sight of it and he goes up to Chanyeol to kiss him as thanks.

"Why weren't you around for me to date years ago?" Baekhyun says, sliding onto a bar stool. Chanyeol sets a steaming cup of coffee in front of him.

"I probably would've been terrible to date years ago," Chanyeol says, taking a bite of toast. "Insecure, awkward in my body, always two seconds away from panicking about my identity."

It's hard for Baekhyun to imagine Chanyeol being anything like that. Everything he's seen is of someone who might not have all the answers, but knows what he wants and the principles that guide him.

"What changed?" Baekhyun says, sipping at his coffee and humming as the warmth settles in his chest. "You don't seem anything like that anymore."

Chanyeol stares off in thought for a little while. Baekhyun appreciates the silence and eats slowly. He thinks of all the other things he knows but doesn't know about Chanyeol. How the way he cares shows in his food, yet Baekhyun doesn't know where he learned it all. That Chanyeol cares deeply about acting and his work, but has no clue what path led him there. It's a little scary, all the things Baekhyun doesn't know, not because he suddenly thinks Chanyeol is a stranger, but knows that the depth of Chanyeol's person will only drive in further the roots of Baekhyun's feelings.

"I think I just got sick of it and stopped," Chanyeol says with a small shrug. "I don't mean that to say it was easy and that anyone can just discard their insecurities, but I remember thinking, there must be something I can do. If I felt awkward about my body, then I could work out and eat better. It was hard, still, but achievable and I made myself tell my friends who encouraged me and I felt accountable to them to not give up. And eventually I got more confident and that showed, I guess, when I went to auditions and I started getting more callbacks and finally landed small roles.

"I'm simplifying it a lot. It took me a long time to get from point A to B. But the small things added up and made it easier to do the bigger, scarier things. Like look up gay porn in my tiny studio and admit to myself that penises turned me on."

Chanyeol smiles at Baekhyun and shrugs again, as if he didn't just reveal such a deeply personal thing, as if that deeply personal thing was no big deal and anyone could do it.

To think that Chanyeol had listened to Baekhyun complain during the ride here, had comforted him when he felt sorry for himself about being stuck at a job that he put himself in and never really, truly attempted to get out of, licking his wounds the moment someone rejected him. He doesn't deserve the generosity Chanyeol had shown him.

Baekhyun knows it then, with the inevitability of the sun rising every morning and setting every night, that he isn't going to be brave enough to tell Chanyeol the truth.

+

They really do go to that paper-making class. It's run by two petite aunties who fawn over the both of them the moment they step in the door. For a moment Baekhyun thinks they know who Chanyeol is, but turns out they're only doing it because they find Chanyeol's ears cute and his dumb, long body unbelievable, which Baekhyun empathizes with.

The class is only half a disaster. The aunties talk fast and in a dialect they're not used to, their instructions interrupted constantly by some inside joke they absolutely have to laugh over or town gossip that Baekhyun and Chanyeol can't follow but act appropriately scandalized by anyway. Their final product looks enough like paper, so Baekhyun calls it a success. It doesn't matter anyway. He was able to spend the whole afternoon watching Chanyeol charm the pants off the two women and stare gratuitously at Chanyeol's hands as they worked.

It takes them forever to leave. The aunties give them homemade rice cakes to take back and won't take no for an answer so Baekhyun gets into the car with a lapful of multi-colored rice cakes in a plastic bag while Chanyeol urges them to head back inside, bowing profusely. As Baekhyun closes the door, he hears them say what nice boys they are. Baekhyun hasn't been called a boy in years.

Chanyeol gets into the driver's seat and shoots Baekhyun a look and Baekhyun laughs a little. As they pull away, he glances at the side mirror and sees the aunties step back into the shop holding hands, leaning their heads in close as they laugh over something.

Maybe Baekhyun is reading too much into it, but maybe what he suspects is exactly right. He smiles to himself and opens up the bag of rice cakes, tearing one apart and holding half in front of Chanyeol's mouth. Chanyeol doesn't even bat an eye and allows Baekhyun to feed him, making a pleased noise at the taste while he chews.

"God, we're totally going to sit around all day eating these, aren't we?" Chanyeol says.

Baekhyun hums, neither agreeing or disagreeing. He does think, _so what if they do?_ , and doesn't go further than that. Doesn't think about how lazy and domestic it sounds. Doesn't think about how spending an entire afternoon cuddled up on the couch is as appealing as spending it naked in bed.

Chanyeol cranks up the radio for their short drive back and sings along to an ubiquitous 90's pop song. His voice is deep and a bit gravelly and it makes comfort settle into Baekhyun's bones, the same kind as finding warm shelter after being out in the cold.

Baekhyun tries his best to keep his eyes on the road ahead. If he doesn't and Chanyeol sees him, he won't be able to explain away the look in his eyes, the clear desire there to always follow Chanyeol like a flower turning toward the morning's first sunlight, eager to bloom.

+

They have barbecue for dinner, taking in the setting sun for a second night in a row as they sit around the grill out on the patio. Chanyeol keeps making wraps for him that have entire slices of garlic inside and ignores all of Baekhyun's protests about how it'll ruin his breath.

"I'll still kiss you, don't worry," Chanyeol says, grinning, pressing the wrap to Baekhyun's lips. "I'll eat it too. We'll have garlic breath together."

"Maybe I won't want to kiss you," Baekhyun says, accepting the wrap, except that's a huge lie and not even a very good one. He wants to kiss Chanyeol all the time. If he could, he would probably park himself permanently on Chanyeol's lap. Chanyeol doesn't even pretend like he believes Baekhyun's words, making a wrap for himself just like he said and popping it into his mouth with a flourish.

Yeah, Baekhyun definitely would still kiss him.

"Two nights is too short for this place," Chanyeol says, looking out at the ocean. The sun's just slipped under the horizon and the water is a vast, violent dark purple before all the light disappears. "It would be nice if we could come back again, but longer. Maybe a week."

Baekhyun shouldn't let himself imagine that kind of luxury, but he does. He imagines going back to see the aunties, or the two of them going down to the dock and trying to learn how to fish, or spending a long lunch at the restaurant owned by the grandma who has friends stopping in all day to gossip and chat, but still makes sure their side dishes are never empty.

It makes Baekhyun's heart ache a little but he can't figure out why, so he pushes the feeling down.

"Yeah, it would be," Baekhyun says and takes the tongs from Chanyeol, muttering about how the meat needs to be cooked evenly, all to avoid and pretend he doesn't see the way Chanyeol's face lights up with promise.

The guilt is heavy and sticky like tar in Baekhyun's stomach. He can't let this continue. He needs to just fess up and if he has to face Chanyeol's anger and betrayal, then that's just what he deserves. He sits down and gathers the courage to speak.

"Chan—"

"In the summer," Chanyeol says, excited. "When the city gets disgusting, we'll come back then. I'll ask Byunghun-hyung when I get back to block a week for us."

Baekhyun doesn't know how to reply. "Oh. I mean, I don't even know if I can take time off yet. A week is. My boss would laugh at me."

Chanyeol waves him off. "We'll figure it out. Forge a doctor's note or create a family emergency."

"That seems not great," Baekhyun says, but Chanyeol drags Baekhyun's chair closer and links their arms together, dropping his head to Baekhyun's shoulder.

"We have time," Chanyeol says, beaming at Baekhyun and that's all it really takes for Baekhyun's resolve to go up in smoke.

Baekhyun tells himself it would be bad timing anyway, that Chanyeol deserves for the weekend to be good and that this should be a good memory for the both of them. He keeps silent and nods with a tight smile, only breaking it to tell Chanyeol quietly to eat.

Later, Chanyeol makes Baekhyun another wrap and asks him what he wants. It takes a second for Baekhyun to realize he's asking about the food. While they clean up, Baekhyun thinks about it anyway and can't stop the loop of ' _just you, only you_ ' in his head.

+

Baekhyun gets ready for bed knowing they're not really going to bed. It's the last night and ever since they cleaned up after dinner Chanyeol has been looking at him oddly. Not odd. With anticipation. Even when Baekhyun has his back turned he can feel it, a prickling under his skin, knowing what Chanyeol wants.

He wants it too, but is worried he will show too much. He wants this to be only about Chanyeol but fears that he'll get wrapped up in his feelings and in the end it will be obvious how much he needs Chanyeol instead.

It's almost exactly the same as last night. Chanyeol is already in bed, browsing something on his phone, but sets it aside when Baekhyun leaves the bathroom and stands at the foot of the bed. They're both just in their boxers. Chanyeol did wash Baekhyun's t-shirt and Baekhyun spent a good five minutes trying to decide between wearing it or not.

Chanyeol's gaze on him is soft, magnified by the dim glow of the single lamp. He holds his hand out for Baekhyun who crawls onto the bed and takes it, walking on his knees until he's close enough to lean down and kiss Chanyeol if he wanted to. He doesn't, just yet, too nervous from the way Chanyeol is looking at him.

"Hey," Chanyeol says, resting his other hand on Baekhyun's waist. His thumb strokes back and forth slowly along the jut of Baekhyun's hip bone. "You're quiet again."

"You make me nervous, Park Chanyeol," Baekhyun says, trying to come off light-hearted, but he's not sure it worked. Chanyeol tightens his grip on Baekhyun's hand and tugs gently. Like a magic command, Baekhyun kneels and sucks in a breath when his mouth ends up close enough to Chanyeol's that he can feel Chanyeol's breath on his lips.

"You make me nervous too," Chanyeol says, but he doesn't look it at all. He's smiling, open and genuine, and it just makes Baekhyun's heart race more. "Can I kiss you?"

Baekhyun nods and his eyes are closed before Chanyeol's mouth even touches his. The kiss is gentle, a little shy even, and Baekhyun doesn't know what to do with all the trust Chanyeol is giving him right now.

"What do you want?" Baekhyun says, licking his lips when he pulls away. He stares at their laps and places his hand on Chanyeol's thigh.

"Whatever you want to show me," Chanyeol says, his fingers running along the waistband of Baekhyun's underwear. "I'm sure it'll all feel good."

"You're really laying the pressure on thick," Baekhyun says, watching the steady rise and fall of Chanyeol's chest. He gets the sudden urge to leave a mark, but doesn't know if Chanyeol has anything coming up where that would be suspicious. He presses his palm to Chanyeol's chest and pushes gently. "Lie down."

It's unclear if Baekhyun's made a mistake or not. Sprawled out, Chanyeol seems to take up so much room. Or perhaps because he's almost naked, there's just so much skin and it's all for him. He wants to touch Chanyeol everywhere, kiss him everywhere, make sure evidence of tonight never leaves Chanyeol's memory.

So that's exactly what he does. He leans over Chanyeol and brushes his hair back, dipping down to kiss Chanyeol only briefly before he's detouring to the side, kissing down Chanyeol's jaw, over the rise of his cheekbones, and along the dip of his throat. His hands wander all over Chanyeol's chest and stomach, touching every inch of skin available to him. Chanyeol gasps softly and arches up when Baekhyun passes over his nipples, tugging lightly just to tease. It's gorgeous to watch him react to everything and when Baekhyun glances down, he sees Chanyeol's already half-hard. Having no patience, Baekhyun allows one hand to go lower and cup him, smiling at the soft _oh_ which leaves Chanyeol's lips. Baekhyun lies on his stomach and places a few lazy, wet kisses over Chanyeol's bicep, then shifts over to close his mouth around Chanyeol's nipple, sucking gently and circling his tongue around it.

The moan Chanyeol lets out is quiet and ends in a sigh. His hand slips into Baekhyun's hair, just running his fingers through, stopping every once in a while when Baekhyun does something he really enjoys, like when Baekhyun flicks his tongue quickly. Chanyeol grows hard under Baekhyun's tongue and his hand. Baekhyun pulls off with an audible pop and kneels next to Chanyeol again, smiling down at Chanyeol's goofy grin as he goes to pull Chanyeol's underwear off.

For a moment, all Baekhyun does is stare. He had been too distracted last night, too caught up in his own desires, to properly take in how gorgeous Chanyeol is. Chanyeol seems a little shy at the blatant attention, but not enough to tell Baekhyun to stop. He throws one arm overhead, stretching his body out even more and Baekhyun almost stops to take his phone out and make a poor attempt to capture everything that's threatening to make his heart stop.

Baekhyun slides his hand up the inside of Chanyeol's leg and pauses at his thigh. His thumb rests at the juncture of Chanyeol's leg and hip and he almost curses when Chanyeol's cock gives a little jerk. But when he wraps his hand around Chanyeol, he keeps his eyes on Chanyeol's face, greedy to see the way Chanyeol's eyes flutter shut when he applies just a little bit of pressure and when Chanyeol bites his lower lip when Baekhyun starts stroking him tight and slow.

"So fucking gorgeous," Baekhyun says, easing Chanyeol's legs apart so he can kneel in between. He braces his free hand next to Chanyeol's hip and drops a few kisses to Chanyeol's stomach, smiling when it tenses under him each time Baekhyun pauses at the tip and runs his thumb over the head, slippery with precome.

Baekhyun loses track of how long he spends just touching Chanyeol like this and Chanyeol doesn't ask for anything more. It's long enough that Chanyeol's breath starts to come a little faster and he grows harder in Baekhyun's hand, fat drops of precome dripping down to gather on Baekhyun's skin. Baekhyun doesn't understand how every single thing Chanyeol does is the hottest thing he's ever seen.

He takes his hand away and makes sure Chanyeol is watching him when he licks up the mess on his hand.

"Hyung," Chanyeol says in a rushed breath, eyes falling half shut.

"You want my mouth?" Baekhyun says, putting his hand back on Chanyeol, cupping his balls before moving even lower. "Or maybe here?"

Chanyeol curses and covers his eyes, but nods and spreads his legs more.

"You're so good," Baekhyun says, surging up to kiss Chanyeol deep and slow. "I'm going to make you feel amazing."

"Please," is all Chanyeol says, and Baekhyun can't help but kiss him again, running his tongue along Chanyeol's lips until they part for him. At one point, Chanyeol definitely whines around Baekhyun's tongue and he can't believe this is the same Chanyeol who fucked him stupid last night.

Baekhyun makes himself pull away only because there's more important things he wants to do to Chanyeol. He grins as he moves down Chanyeol's body, leaving a few lazy kisses along the way. His hands smooth down the inside of Chanyeol's thighs before pushing them up, leaving Chanyeol exposed.

Chanyeol drops his head back on the bed, no longer watching. That's fine, Baekhyun gets that first times are overwhelming. Except he wants to double check. "No one's done this to you before, right?" Chanyeol shakes his head immediately and Baekhyun kisses the bend of his knee. "Good."

Baekhyun is silent again as he moves his hand further up Chanyeol's thigh until he can run his thumb over Chanyeol's hole. He circles it lazily and feels how Chanyeol tenses beneath him.

"Relax," Baekhyun says, applying a bit more pressure until Chanyeol loosens up enough for his thumb to slip in. He draws his hand away and moves onto his stomach, too eager to wait any longer.

"Tell me if you don't like it," Baekhyun says, then presses a kiss right to Chanyeol's hole and drags his tongue over it slowly right after. Chanyeol gasps and tightens up again, but relaxes immediately. Baekhyun's done this a few times over the years and it always fascinates him how such a small thing makes people react so much. He looks up to see how Chanyeol is doing, but he's still just staring at the ceiling, so Baekhyun figures he can keep going. He uses his tongue to do what his thumb was before, circling the opening and applying more pressure gradually. At the same time he smooths his hands up and down Chanyeol's thighs, encouraging him to stay relaxed and moans quietly when his tongue slips in.

" _Oh_ ," Chanyeol breathes, sort of high-pitched, and does it again when Baekhyun starts fucking his tongue in and out slowly, not too deep just yet.

As much as Baekhyun loved getting railed last night, this is what he's really after. He loves taking people apart whether it's with his hands or his mouth. He's a bit more partial to the latter, probably some oral fixation thing he hasn't really bothered to pick apart.

"Hyung," Chanyeol says, and Baekhyun looks up in time to make eye contact, and Chanyeol's cock jerks between them when he flicks his tongue over Chanyeol's hole quickly. "Oh, fuck, that's good."

Baekhyun grins and drags the flat of his tongue over Chanyeol a few times, then sits up and grabs a few pillows, wedging them under Chanyeol's lower back. "Watch," he says and renews his efforts, making sure Chanyeol sees how his tongue traces around once, twice, then he presses his mouth to Chanyeol, easing his tongue in deeper than before.

"Oh my god," Chanyeol says, breathless and uneven. He's watching, but like it's a huge effort to do so, fighting to keep from throwing his head back. Baekhyun pulls back a little and lets Chanyeol see the tip of his tongue dipping in and out, pleased when it has Chanyeol tugging at the sheets by his side.

When Baekhyun finally eases up, Chanyeol is panting like he's just run up the stairs, his face and chest a little red. Baekhyun's gotten Chanyeol's wet enough that he can press his middle finger in without much resistance, hovering over Chanyeol so he can get the right angle, feeling around and hooking his finger slightly until Chanyeol whines and squeezes around him.

"Cool, found it," Baekhyun says, teasing Chanyeol with the same words he'd gotten the night before. Chanyeol doesn't even catch it, eyes firmly closed. Baekhyun fingers him like that for a bit, sort of addicted to the way Chanyeol's cock jumps each time he brushes over Chanyeol's prostate.

"Hyung, _please_ ," Chanyeol says, opening his eyes. They're a little wild and Baekhyun grins, licking a stripe up Chanyeol's throat.

"You make the nicest noises," Baekhyun says, slipping his finger out. He goes for the lube and settles between Chanyeol's legs again. Chanyeol's watching him intently now and Baekhyun kisses his ankle as he squeezes some onto his fingertips, warming it up a little before pressing them into Chanyeol slowly. Chanyeol bites his lip, brows scrunching up a little, and Baekhyun wishes he could watch him like this forever. "How many do you want?"

Chanyeol starts to answer, but Baekhyun curls his fingers on purpose and what comes out is a cut off gasp. It's a little mean, but Baekhyun can't imagine Chanyeol hates it.

"What was that?" Baekhyun says, grinning at the look Chanyeol shoots him. "Sorry, I'll be nice now. I think you'll do fine with three."

Chanyeol only nods, hesitating a little before saying, "Can you kiss me again?"

"I will kiss you as much as you want," Baekhyun says, leaning over. Chanyeol slides his arms over Baekhyun's shoulders as they kiss, mouths moving together slow, but definitely with a hint of desperation. Baekhyun eases a third finger in, which Chanyeol takes beautifully, squeezing around Baekhyun tight. He's almost embarrassed to look down and see how tented his underwear is.

When Chanyeol breaks the kiss, his mouth is shiny and red, he's staring at Baekhyun with an undercurrent of heat that makes Baekhyun almost frantic which he barely manages to tamp down.

"I wanna fuck you," Baekhyun mumbles, head pressed to Chanyeol's temple. He pushes his fingers in deep right up to the last knuckle and relishes in the sharp inhale he gets from Chanyeol. "Just like that."

"Get in me, then," Chanyeol says, burying his hand in Baekhyun's hair and tugging. It's a good ache. "Come on."

"Yeah," Baekhyun breathes, sitting up with one more lingering kiss. His hands are unsteady as he finally tugs his boxers off and grabs a condom from the nightstand. He manages to roll it on without much fumbling and adds more lube. Too much probably, but that's okay, he wants to hear it, each time he pushes into Chanyeol. Baekhyun braces one hand on Chanyeol's thigh and lines himself up with the other, breath held as he watches Chanyeol take him in perfectly. "Fuck, _fuck_ , you're so good."

Chanyeol's lips are slightly parted and he blows out a slow breath when Baekhyun's hips press flush against his ass. "Shit, hyung."

Baekhyun takes the pillows out from under Chanyeol and settles Chanyeol's hips in his lap, hovering over him again. "Look at you," he says, bracing his hands over Chanyeol's shoulders and thrusting shallowly a couple of times. "Made for this."

Chanyeol's hands run over Baekhyun's arms and his chest like he doesn't know what he wants to hold onto. "Fuck me," he says, wrapping his legs around Baekhyun's waist. "Please, I can't wait anymore."

Baekhyun takes Chanyeol's hands and presses them into the bed, all serious now, and starts rocking his hips, pulling out almost all the way and sinking back in one smooth motion. Chanyeol squeezes his hands and arches up, whining, and Baekhyun suddenly doesn't know if he's even going to last if Chanyeol's going to respond like this the whole time.

Baekhyun picks up an easy pace, not too fast or slow, but makes sure his thrusts are deep. Chanyeol's opened up his legs, both spread wide, his body knowing on its own how to get Baekhyun deeper and maybe it's a little dramatic, but Baekhyun can't believe he gets the honor of seeing Chanyeol like this, vulnerable and trusting Baekhyun to make him feel good.

"Hey, look at me," Baekhyun says, waiting for Chanyeol's eyes to open before snapping his hips and grinding down.

" _Fuck_ ," Chanyeol says, eyes rolling back. Yeah, that's exactly what Baekhyun wanted to see. "Hyung, I can't."

"Can't what, sweetheart?" It just comes out, the endearment, not something Baekhyun has been prone to in the past, but there's something about Chanyeol and the gentleness he carries with him. Chanyeol seems to like it too, letting out a little sob.

"I'm going to come."

"Then come," Baekhyun says, fucking Chanyeol faster, harder. "Are you trying to hold back to be good for me?" He doesn't really expect an answer, but Chanyeol nods even as he sucks in a breath and shivers when Baekhyun changes his angle. When Baekhyun glances down, he sees the sticky precome shiny on Chanyeol's stomach and Chanyeol's cock is stiff as another drop of precome drools out. "God, you're perfect. Look how much you need it. Want me to touch you?"

_"Please."_

Baekhyun licks his palm and wraps his hand around Chanyeol's cock, stroking Chanyeol in time with his thrusts. Chanyeol's whines get louder and he rolls his hips, fucking Baekhyun's hand and then down onto Baekhyun's cock. "There you go," Baekhyun says, circling his thumb around the tip. "Come on."

It's easy to tell when Chanyeol gets close. He starts squeezing around Baekhyun sharply, very clearly his body's instinct, and Baekhyun actually slows down just a little, wanting to keep Chanyeol teetering on the edge for as long as possible, knowing it'll just make it all better. Chanyeol's face is all twisted up and he's taking uneven breaths, as if he's forgetting how to entirely with all his focus on Baekhyun, only doing so when his body forces it.

Chanyeol's orgasm is slow, like one of those waves that look big but just ends up rolling onto the shore. His cock goes rock hard in Baekhyun's hand and he moans long and low when he comes, shooting up his stomach and chest. Baekhyun doesn't stop what he's doing. He keeps rolling his hips and stroking Chanyeol, but stays away from the tip. When Chanyeol doesn't have any more left in him, Baekhyun cups his balls, applying the barest amount of pressure while he buries his cock deep, grinding his hips. It has Chanyeol jerking through the aftershocks and he only stops when Chanyeol goes completely quiet, arm thrown over his eyes.

Baekhyun stills and brings Chanyeol's other hand up to kiss the back softly. It's limp in his hold and Baekhyun sets it down on the bed, reaching forward instead to move Chanyeol's arm away.

He is a little taken aback to see Chanyeol's red-rimmed eyes.

"Chanyeol?" he says, suddenly worried he hurt him.

But Chanyeol smiles and shakes his head, even as he wipes at his eyes. "I'm okay," he says quietly, sniffling. "These are happy."

This is the first time Baekhyun's made anyone cry, good or bad, in bed. He doesn't really know what to do except brush his fingers through Chanyeol's hair and let Chanyeol press his cheek to Baekhyun's palm. His own orgasm gets put on the back burner. He pulls out slowly and tosses the condom, moving up to lie against Chanyeol's side. Chanyeol looks at him with a small smile and Baekhyun just stares back, a little bit in awe, then gently pulls Chanyeol to his chest, feeling like he needs the closeness more than Chanyeol might.

Maybe a minute passes, maybe an hour. Baekhyun does nothing but stroke Chanyeol's hair and his back and places the softest kisses to Chanyeol's temple. In the back of his mind he knows Chanyeol's unexpected reaction is hitting him hard, but he doesn't really know how to process it, so he fills up that space with taking care of Chanyeol instead. He's actually gone mostly soft and Chanyeol notices, pulling away with a frown, but Baekhyun shakes his head. He grabs his boxers and cleans off Chanyeol the best he can, himself too from holding Chanyeol close, and gets them under the covers.

"But hyung," Chanyeol says, which Baekhyun cuts off with a kiss, shaking his head again.

"It's not important," Baekhyun says, which up until this point, his past self would think he's gone out of his mind to claim orgasms aren't important, but he really couldn't care less. He cups Chanyeol's face and smiles when Chanyeol nuzzles his palm. "How are you feeling?"

"Really good," Chanyeol says, curling up even closer, hooking his leg over Baekhyun's hip. "That was, yeah. Really good."

Baekhyun doesn't even have it in him to puff up with pride. He's just happy he was able to give Chanyeol a good experience. "I'm glad," he says, kissing Chanyeol's forehead.

"We should do it again soon," Chanyeol says, which makes Baekhyun laugh softly but he nods and runs his hand down Chanyeol's arm to hold his hand, linking their fingers together. Chanyeol brings them up and the way he looks across the tiny space between them as he kisses Baekhyun's knuckles has Baekhyun's stomach dropping. It's so obvious the sentiment behind it and Baekhyun is afraid of what Chanyeol might say in that moment.

"Aren't you tired?" Baekhyun says, before Chanyeol gets the chance to speak. "We had a long day."

Something flickers over Chanyeol's face that's unreadable. "Yeah, I guess," he says, tucking his head under Baekhyun's chin. Baekhyun squeezes his hand, feeling like he should apologize for something somehow. "Thanks. For tonight."

Baekhyun nods and presses his lip to the top of Chanyeol's head, lingering there. He doesn't say anything else, doesn't know why there seems to be this gap between them now, but he's pretty sure it's his fault.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Baekhyun wakes up to Chanyeol carefully extracting himself from Baekhyun's arms. He keeps his eyes closed and pretends he's still sleeping, listening to Chanyeol pad across the room to the bathroom. He expects Chanyeol to come back to bed, but instead he hears the sounds of him rummaging around in his bag and then head downstairs. Baekhyun blinks open his eyes, still a little bleary, and looks over only to find he's really alone.

It's silly, he thinks, but it feels like Chanyeol's snuck out as if what they'd done last night was just a one night stand. How could it be a one night stand when Chanyeol is just downstairs? Baekhyun keeps listening for any movement, but there's nothing but silence, not even the sounds of Chanyeol making coffee.

Baekhyun is a little uneasy and crawls out of bed after a few minutes, throwing on just a pair of boxers before making his way down too. It's a bit chilly and he regrets not grabbing more clothes. He rubs his arms absently and finds Chanyeol sitting in the breakfast nook, staring out the window with his head pillowed on his arms. Baekhyun says his name quietly, his heart beating fast in that second it takes for Chanyeol to look at him.

"Hey," Baekhyun says, stopping a couple steps away. "You couldn't sleep?"

Chanyeol shrugs slightly and sits up, holding his hand out for Baekhyun to join him. As much as he hates it, relief washes over Baekhyun and he slides in next to Chanyeol, curling up against his side the same way Chanyeol did to him last night.

"How come you didn't stay in bed?"

"Had to use the bathroom and didn't want to wake you."

"I wouldn't have minded," Baekhyun says, kissing Chanyeol's collarbone. "Would've been nice to cuddle for a while."

Chanyeol squeezes Baekhyun's shoulders. "Guess we can do that right now."

No matter how Baekhyun looks at it, Chanyeol is definitely acting off. He sits up and stops short of meeting Chanyeol's eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

"What?" Chanyeol says, his surprise coming off genuine.

"Something's bothering you, I can tell. Anyone probably could. You know you're bad at acting when it's not in front of the camera."

Chanyeol sighs and drags his hand through his hair, looking out the window again. "Yeah, I figured you'd notice."

"Last night was good, you said."

"It was," Chanyeol says, staring down at the table. "I don't want you to think you hurt me or made me uncomfortable. I mean it when I say it was amazing." He laughs dryly. "I mean, you made cry from how good it was."

"But?" Baekhyun isn't sure there's any continuation of Chanyeol's words that isn't going to be bad.

"All those feelings, being vulnerable, it made me realize some things about me and us but I also realized maybe you didn't feel the same and I — I'm not handling it very well, I guess."

"What do you mean? We're dating."

The way Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun is...sad? Resigned? Baekhyun feels sick. "Come on, hyung," Chanyeol says, his voice shaking a little. "Please don't play dumb. You know what I'm trying to say."

Baekhyun does and he wishes he didn't. He takes Chanyeol's hand and squeezes it tight, wants it to be comforting, but Chanyeol's expression just grows more ashen. "This is your first relationship with another man," he says, and that's all he gets out because Chanyeol tears his hand away and covers his face, taking a deep, uneven breath. "I'm not saying your feelings aren't real, I just. Don't want you to." He trails off, not really having anything good to say.

"Don't want me to what?" Chanyeol says, his eyes noticeably wet, but he's not crying yet, though Baekhyun feels like he's being stabbed through the chest anyway. "I could tell too, you know. This whole weekend you've been acting weird and I don't even know if you want to be here or not."

Baekhyun is stunned. At the very least, he thought he was making it clear that he wanted to be here with Chanyeol. "Of course I do."

"Then why do you keep pulling away every time we get a little bit close! So many times this weekend there were these moments where you'd look at me the way I want you to look at me, but it was like the second you realized you were doing it, you'd shut it down. Why? How am I supposed to take that?"

Baekhyun doesn't know how to answer that. There is an answer, it's just the one he's spent all weekend chickening out on giving. Right now, when there's nothing more important than just telling the truth, Baekhyun is at his most cowardly. All he can do is sit there, mouth parted like an idiot, each passing second clearly hurting Chanyeol more and more.

"You're good at talking about everything except how you really feel," Chanyeol says, and that hits Baekhyun harder than he wants. "Sleeping together, how angry you are at how I'm treated at work, that's all fine, but this, me just trying to get a crumb of how you feel about me, it's impossible."

"We've been seeing each other for barely two months," Baekhyun says, and the moment the words come out of his mouth he knows they're the wrong ones to say, but he can't stop it, even when Chanyeol's eyes flash with hurt. "How can anyone know how they really feel this early on? Sometimes sex amplifies everything, you know? Then when everything passes you realize what you felt wasn't actually that deep."

"Fuck, I know I'm younger than you, but I'm not actually a child," Chanyeol says, angry now, but underneath it all still sad and Baekhyun just wants this to stop. He doesn't want Chanyeol to ever be anything but happy, that if anything should upset him, Baekhyun would be the one making it better. He isn't supposed to be the cause of Chanyeol looking and sounding this way. "I know how to recognize what I feel. I'm not under some disillusionment because you happened to fuck me really good and I can't believe you'd even say those things to me."

Baekhyun stands up suddenly, his flight instinct kicking in with how much anxiety this is giving him. "Look, maybe we should talk about this later."

"Why? What's the difference between now and later? You're just avoiding it all again."

"I'm not avoiding — I just think we should talk about this when you're calmer."

"Oh my _god_!"

Baekhyun winces, wringing his hands. "I'm sorry, fuck, that wasn't what I meant." Was it really just the other night he looked at Chanyeol and allowed himself to have hope that they could work out when he's this much of a mess? "It's me, I need to just. I need to think."

"Think about what? I just want to know what you're so scared of. It's fine if we're not at the same exact place yet, but I can tell if I even _think_ the words, you'd spook and run away."

Baekhyun is scared of how much he comes up short in every single way when it comes to Chanyeol. Chanyeol, who is just doing his best surrounded by people and circumstances who want him to be someone else. Chanyeol, who had the misfortune of being there that night and crossing paths with Baekhyun.

"I'm not — I'm just trying to reason."

Chanyeol rubs his eyes and Baekhyun can see it happen, the way Chanyeol starts to shut down and close everything off. It's a terrible thing to watch and Baekhyun knows he's the reason why it's happening and knows he can also stop it. But he doesn't. He watches Chanyeol's face go blank, maybe even a little defensive, and the finality in his movements when he gets out and passes by Baekhyun with a toneless, "I'm going to make coffee."

"Chanyeol," Baekhyun says, stopping himself last second from grabbing Chanyeol's shirt.

"You don't want to talk about it," Chanyeol says, terse. "So we won't." While he fills the coffee machine, he says, "I have a meeting with my manager this afternoon, so we have to leave at noon."

In Baekhyun's head, he imagines going over to Chanyeol and pouring out his heart. He imagines telling Chanyeol exactly how hard he's fallen and how Chanyeol's happiness and well-being fills up so much of his thoughts every single day. In his head, he tells Chanyeol everything he wants to hear and more and exposes himself as the one who should be scared Chanyeol will spook.

But he doesn't. He remains a coward and hates himself and says a quiet, "Okay," and slinks off upstairs again. He goes through the motions of grabbing some clothes to take a shower, but before he steps into the bathroom he hears it, as clear as day, the sound of Chanyeol crying. It has him frozen at the top of the steps. If there's any moment for him to go to Chanyeol it's right now, but when he moves, it's to head into the bathroom and close the door behind him, to turn the shower on until he can't hear anything but the water echoing off the walls.

+

They don't say more than ten words to each other between packing up and the drive back to Seoul. It's the most painful few hours Baekhyun's ever experienced. There's nothing Baekhyun hates more than this kind of silence, but the longer it goes on, the harder it is for him to break it. In the car, Chanyeol stares straight ahead and drives with both hands on the wheel.

Baekhyun doesn't know what this fight means. Has he messed up enough that Chanyeol wants to break up him? Have they already broken up? He doesn't want to ask because he's afraid of the answer. Even worse, he doesn't know which answer he even wants.

When they pull up to Baekhyun's apartment, he doesn't get out right away. Never go to bed angry, his mom always told him. If he gets out now without a word, he doesn't know when he'll see Chanyeol again.

"Do you want to come up?" Baekhyun says, his throat dry from not using it all day.

"I have to go see Minseok."

"Just for five minutes," Baekhyun says, gripping Chanyeol's sleeve. "Don't leave upset."

For a second, Chanyeol's face softens and he nods, turning off the car. Baekhyun smiles in relief and steps out, grabbing his stuff out of the back, but he's also nervous. He doesn't know what he should say, but he's the one who invited Chanyeol up.

His studio is right as he left it, a little messy the way it always is, the cereal bowl he left in the sink two mornings ago waiting to be washed.

Chanyeol lingers in the entryway, hands in the pockets of his denim jacket. Baekhyun sets his bag on the floor by his bed and mirrors Chanyeol's pose when he turns around. They almost seem like strangers forced to occupy the same room. He hates it and takes the few steps to close the distance between them, slipping his arms around Chanyeol and hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry," Baekhyun says quietly, closing his eyes and pressing his face in Chanyeol's t-shirt.

"For what?" Chanyeol says, not returning the hug, but he doesn't push Baekhyun away either.

Baekhyun doesn't answer right away, because he isn't sure and Chanyeol knows it immediately. He's sorry Chanyeol is upset, but that's a terrible reason that will only anger Chanyeol more.

"Hyung, if you're not ready for this conversation, then I'm gonna go." Chanyeol places his hands on Baekhyun's shoulders and pushes them apart gently. "Call me when you figure it out." He turns to go, but Baekhyun grabs his hand in both of his, holding on tightly. Chanyeol looks down and sighs. "Hyung, please."

Baekhyun's gotten by half his life on his instinct. It was gut feel that told him to sit next to Jongdae in the cafeteria at university. It's his instinct that tells him to write articles at work about obscure topics which end up getting the most hits during the month. He has this awful, lead in his stomach feeling that if Chanyeol walks out the door like this, Baekhyun is never going to see him again.

"I'm not breaking up with you," Chanyeol says, twisting his hand out of Baekhyun's grip. "If you need time to figure things out, that's fine. I'll be here."

"Promise," Baekhyun says, sounding like a child he's sure of it, but he wants to hear it from Chanyeol anyway.

Chanyeol sighs, a little like he feels sorry for Baekhyun. "Okay. I promise."

It's the best Baekhyun's going to get, so he nods and stays rooted where he is watching Chanyeol leave with a quiet goodbye. He listens to Chanyeol go down the steps and get in his car. Only when the sounds of him driving off fade away does Baekhyun move and only to call Jongdae.

"Can you come over?" he says the moment Jongdae answers. "I really messed up."

+

Jongdae shows up fifteen minutes later with small plastic bags filled with street food he picked up along the way. He is someone else who Baekhyun probably does not deserve.

Baekhyun changes into an old t-shirt and lounge pants and they curl up on his futon, trays of ddeokbokki and sundae in front of them, accompanied by the cheap beer Baekhyun keeps stocked in his fridge.

Jongdae doesn't ask what's wrong. He sits there watching Baekhyun stuff his face for a couple minutes until the words come tumbling out.

"I'm in love with him," Baekhyun says, cradling a can of beer to his chest. "He thinks we met by chance and that I work at some publishing company doing boring research for people's shitty novels."

"Why can't you just tell him the truth?"

"Telling the truth when we first started dating would've been the right thing to do," Baekhyun says, tugging the tab on his can back and forth until it snaps off. "Confessing now would be, I don't know."

"Would be what?" Jongdae says, setting his beer down a little too hard. "You do this, you know. For as long as I've known you, you get so insecure about yourself when it matters. Applying to the jobs you want, submitting freelance pieces, telling the famous hot actor you've fallen for what you really do, you always find a reason why you can't."

Baekhyun frowns, but this is why Jongdae is a good friend, even though he sometimes ends up feeling worse. "This isn't insecurity. I'm no good for him."

"Oh, fuck off," Jongdae says, with no remorse. "Are you really going to try that bullshit on me?"

"You're the one who won't even give me gossip because that's how much you like your job," Baekhyun says, biting his lip. "How am I going to live with myself if it ever gets out that Park Chanyeol is not only dating some man, but that it's _me_. I see the shit people write just on our stupid tabloid site. His career would be over."

"His career would probably be over even if he was dating the most sought after bachelor in the country."

Baekhyun drops his head against his knees. "He's just, so good. I'm never going to feel like I'm doing enough."

"Tell him that instead of me," Jongdae says, providing some comfort against his biting words earlier by petting Baekhyun's hair. "If he's so good, he'll forgive you for keeping secrets and he'll tell you you're enough."

Baekhyun knows Chanyeol would do exactly that, but it still doesn't mean he thinks he deserves it. He looks over and gives Jongdae a pathetic smile. "Can you believe at the beginning I thought maybe I could teach him something about being in a relationship? How to avoid all the typical mistakes and pitfalls. Turns out he's the one showing me. I haven't learned anything from my past fuck ups."

Baekhyun expects Jongdae to yell at him some more about being so self-deprecating, but there's none of that, only Jongdae looking at him pitifully. Maybe that's worse. "You always want to see the best in people," Jongdae says, leaving his hand pressed to the back of Baekhyun's neck. "Even when you date objectively terrible men, you still won't badmouth them years later."

Baekhyun tips his body over and cuddles into Jongdae's side. "Chanyeol isn't terrible though. He's good and takes care of me and I want to stay with him."

"Then _tell him_."

Baekhyun sighs and nods. "I can be brave."

"You can be brave, Byun Baekhyun."

It's not much, but it sparks enough hope in Baekhyun that things will work out.

+

Two days pass without any contact from Chanyeol. It's not that weird, given their last conversation, but Baekhyun is Baekhyun and he misses the attention and affection Chanyeol gave him. He sends a couple of messages to Chanyeol, but they go unread and okay, that's a little worrying, but he also doesn't know where Chanyeol is this week or what he's been doing.

Wednesday rolls around and Baekhyun's just gotten home. He's beat and wants to sleep for fifteen years but his stomach is grumbling and he thinks about what little he has in his kitchen. Usually he'd text Chanyeol and whine about how hungry he is and that Chanyeol should come over and make him something. And most of the time, he would. He doesn't feel comfortable doing that tonight though it's the first time he's wanted to so desperately.

He's almost dozed off when someone rings his doorbell aggressively. He jerks to attention and stares in confusion at the door, like perhaps he hallucinated it ringing, but whoever is there starts banging with their fist when Baekhyun doesn't respond fast enough.

"I'm coming," he says, then grumbles under his breath. It sounds like some grumpy old man coming to complain about too much noise.

It's the opposite of an old man standing at his doorstep, but he definitely looks angry. The guy looks about Baekhyun's age and the same height as him, but the anger exuding from him makes Baekhyun want to cower a little.

"Byun Baekhyun?" he says, voice sharp and clipped.

"Uh, yeah. That's me."

"I'm Chanyeol's manager, can I come in?" he says, but pushes past Baekhyun without waiting for an answer. Which, okay.

"Oh. Minseok, right?"

Minseok makes a noise that Baekhyun supposes is acknowledgement as he glances around Baekhyun's apartment. He seems to make a face at the stack of dirty dishes in the sink, but it happens so fast that Baekhyun doesn't know if he imagined it. It occurs to Baekhyun then that there's no reason for Minseok to be here unless...unless Chanyeol told him about Baekhyun. But something big like that, Chanyeol wouldn't have just let it slip his mind.

"I'll just get to it," Minseok says, handing Baekhyun an envelope. "You need to sign this."

Baekhyun takes it hesitantly. "What is…?

"An agreement stating you will cease all communication of any sort with Chanyeol and that if you release any information about him you will be liable for damages starting at a billion won."

Baekhyun nearly drops the envelope, staring at it. "What?"

"Chanyeol told me about you last week. It's standard procedure in our industry to perform background checks on anyone we don't know. I will say I'm surprised you didn't do anything to hide where you work."

Baekhyun's stomach drops. His pulse is loud in his ears as Minseok goes on.

"If you were going to pull a stunt like this, I would've expected you to at least fake the end of your employment at _Shutter_. You guys will do anything for a story, won't you? I can't remember how many cease and desists agencies have had to send you guys."

"No, I — I didn't. I'm _not_ dating Chanyeol for a story. I hate that place. I've been wanting to quit for months."

Minseok's stony expression doesn't even budge. "Yeah, you just happened to find Chanyeol that day, right? A neighborhood on the other side of the city from where you live, where none of your friends and family are. Don't tell me you were there looking to buy a place." Minseok looks around the studio again, snorting. "Would've been a bit too much of a jump, don't you think?"

Baekhyun opens his mouth, but nothing comes out and that slip up is enough. Minseok's eyes narrow and Baekhyun instantly feels so small. "It looks bad, I know, but I swear—"

"Don't. I've been Chanyeol's manager from beginning, right before he debuted. I know that kid in and out and how much he tries to stay a good person in an industry that's sometimes disgustingly shitty to him. I don't think I've hated anything more than having to tell him who you really are."

"No, please, just let me explain," Baekhyun says, taking a step forward, the thought of how humiliated Chanyeol had probably been making him desperate. But Minseok stops him by snatching the envelope out of his hand, wrinkled from how hard Baekhyun had been holding onto it, and takes the papers out.

"Sign. Right now."

"Just let me _explain_ —"

"I don't _care_!" Minseok says, getting in Baekhyun's face. "I do not care about a single _fucking_ thing you have to say and I hate having to even stand in the same place as the person who was sociopathic enough to manipulate someone like Chanyeol. You don't deserve to say a goddamn thing. You get to shut up and agree to never show yourself in front of him again so I don't have to stand here for another fucking second."

Baekhyun's eyes won't lift from the floor. Each word out of Minseok's mouth is like a needle in him and in the end Baekhyun can't even disagree with any of it. Maybe the only thing he regrets is getting caught like this where he couldn't even offer Chanyeol an apology.

"I'll get a pen," Baekhyun says, hollow, but Minseok pulls one out and shoves it into his hand. He barely pays attention to what he's doing, scribbling his name on the line without reading a single word.

Minseok folds the papers up and takes his pen, heading for the door immediately.

"None of it was fake," Baekhyun says, making Minseok pause with one foot over the threshold. "Please just don't let him think it was."

For a second, Minseok lingers and stares at him, unreadable, but it passes just as quick and Baekhyun is left staring at his door swinging shut. Then it's just him, alone in the stifling silence, filled with regret at all the things he wasn't brave enough to say when he had all the time in the world to say them.

+

Baekhyun calls in sick the rest of the week. He spends the days in his pajamas and getting fast food delivered and binge watching anime. The only light he turns on is when he uses the bathroom. He's a stereotypical pathetic sight, the only thing missing is crying over a tub of ice cream, but he can feel himself getting to that point soon.

Crying is the one thing he hasn't done. It's weird because he knows he's upset, but somehow it hasn't hit him like that. Sometimes between when he answers the door for delivery and the three steps back to his messy futon he just stops in the middle of the room like he's forgotten where he is or what he's doing, and it's those moments he gets the closest to wrapping his head around the reality that he got dumped through a legal document, but he always avoids dealing with it at the last minute, burying himself in the blanket fort he's built and hitting play on the next episode of whatever he's watching.

The sun's just gone down on Saturday when someone knocks on his door. Baekhyun doesn't remember ordering delivery, but he's also been pretty out of it. When he answers, it's another unexpected face, but much better than Minseok's.

"You look terrible," is what Sehun says, stepping into Baekhyun's studio. His outfit is surprisingly put together, a black button down with the sleeves rolled up, tucked into a pair of pressed grey slacks. His shoes look designer. If the face didn't belong to Sehun, Baekhyun wouldn't have recognized him at all. He stops between the TV and futon, staring at the pile of empty snack bags and cans of beer on the coffee table.

Baekhyun at least knows enough to be embarrassed. He grabs a plastic bag discarded on the floor and cleans up a bit, at least enough so that Sehun wouldn't be sitting in filth. "I did call in sick."

"But you sound fine."

"I'm not that kind of sick."

Sehun hums and stands there with his hands in his pockets, looking altogether too casual and cool. "Right. The heartbroken kind of sick."

Baekhyun falters and forces a laugh. "What are you talking about?" he says, coughing a few times. "I just have a 72-hour bug."

Sehun sighs. "I know about Chanyeol," he says, going over to the kitchen to grab himself a beer from the fridge. "Including that Minseok-hyung visited you the other day and now you're suddenly 'sick'."

"Hyung?"

"We've worked with each other a bit,” Sehun says, popping the can open and sitting on Baekhyun's futon. Just like Chanyeol, his legs are so long that his knees are practically at his chest. "I referred him to the agency he's at now."

Baekhyun sits down gingerly on the other end of the futon, staring at Sehun like he could sprout another head at any moment. "Who _are_ you?"

"Sehun the intern."

Baekhyun frowns. "Fine, don't tell me."

Sehun slouches even further and rests his head back, staring at the ceiling. "I am an intern," he says, looking over at Baekhyun. "But my dad also runs the company that owns our prestigious publication."

Their parent company was one of the top ten largest conglomerates in Korea. Baekhyun takes another long look at Sehun. This time, he sees that the outfit he's wearing is all designer clothes too, the watch on his wrist definitely sporting a diamond or two.

"You're part of the same Oh family which owns XO Inc.," Baekhyun says, somewhere between a question and statement. It says something about how badly he's taking the breakup that he barely shows any reaction. Pre-breakup Baekhyun would probably be freaking out right about now.

"That's us."

"And you're pretending to be an intern because..."

"Because when we did a full audit of the company's holdings, we saw that this publication was down year over year and I've been asked to give an assessment on if the place is salvageable or should just be shut down."

Baekhyun sighs, rubbing his eyes. "So you're here to fire me. I guess I appreciate that it's not another paper notice."

That seems to catch Sehun off guard, his expression faltering and suddenly he looks every bit the 24 years old he actually is. "What? Hyung, no."

"Is everyone getting let go or just me? You said you found out about Chanyeol. I guess I'm a liability for the company too."

"Oh my god, could you drop the martyr act?" Sehun's face fixes back into his standard look of vague annoyance. "I'm not here to fire you. I'm here to make sure you're doing okay."

"Now I'm confused."

Sehun rolls his eyes. "I don't have lunch with you for appearances, hyung. I actually think your presence is, you know."

Baekhyun tilts his head, mouth twisted to the side, waiting.

"Oh my god, because I don't mind you as a person," Sehun says, the words awkward in that way where it's clear they're not used very much. "You're my hyung."

It clicks in Baekhyun's head finally what Sehun is trying to say and he laughs for the first time in days. "You mean you like me. We're friends."

"Okay, tone it down," Sehun says, but he smiles a little.

Baekhyun draws his knees up and hugs them. "Who told you about Chanyeol?"

"No one," Sehun says, shrugging. "I saw Chanyeol's name pop up on your phone a few times. If you're going to date a celebrity, maybe give him a nickname?"

Baekhyun scowls. "There are plenty of non-famous people named Chanyeol."

"But I asked the famous one if he knew someone named Baekhyun."

"You know each other?"

"We're friends," Sehun says, like Baekhyun should've guessed. "He held a fansign at one of our malls and Minseok-hyung introduced us."

Just the mention of Minseok's name had Baekhyun wincing. "How come you didn't tell him where I worked?"

"I thought he knew. I was ready to warn him about you at the beginning, but you had already dropped the assignment and didn't even bring it up again with your boss — which, by the way, that asshole is definitely getting fired. And whoever was stupid enough to hire him." Sehun pauses to actually drink his beer, but makes a face of disgust. "This tastes awful."

Baekhyun huffs. "Sorry some of us don't make millions of dollars per day and have to buy cheap beer."

Sehun ignores him. "Anyway, I figured if you were doing a story, you would for sure tell me. But you didn't say anything and eventually started to look, I don't know, happy? Giddy for sure, and you kept messaging someone on your phone so the next time we had lunch, I got nosy and read your notifications."

"You're shameless."

"I'm resourceful," Sehun says, taking another sip and making the exact same face as last time. "Seriously, how do you drink this?"

"You know what," Baekhyun says, taking the beer from Sehun. "You don't deserve this."

Sehun doesn't bat an eyelash and takes a bag of chips from the coffee table, munching on that instead. "Anyway, Chanyeol called me the other day and asked about where you worked. Didn't seem happy when I told him."

Baekhyun sighs and drops his head against the back of the futon. "He probably thought Minseok was lying to him about me. But he wasn't. I was the one lying."

"Why are you letting them think you're some lowlife who wanted to use Chanyeol to get a story?"

"Because that's exactly what I was going to do!" Baekhyun says, refusing to meet Sehun's eyes. "Didn't they tell you what I did to meet him? I basically stalked where he lived."

"Yeah, that part was kind of cringey."

Baekhyun picks at the little cotton pills on his pants. "Maybe I would've had a chance of I had come clean the very first date," he says, shrugging pathetically. "But I didn't and I got caught."

"And? That's it? You're not going to beg for forgiveness? You're just going to mope forever?"

"Yeah, I am," Baekhyun says, frowning. "I already signed a restraining order anyway."

"What?"

"Minseok made me sign some agreement. I can't go near Chanyeol or talk to him unless I want to get sued for more than the value of my life. It's whatever. It's probably best for Chanyeol anyway."

"You're really just going to let it end like this."

"Stop talking about it like I'm making a huge mistake! Like I'm, I don't know, letting go of my soulmate or the great love of my life! We dated for two months, that's it. So just let me mope for a few days and leave it alone. I'll be fine."

Sehun stares at him in silence, making Baekhyun squirm, and he chugs the beer Sehun couldn't finish but since it's practically water it doesn't really help with the nerves. "You're an idiot, hyung, I hope you know that."

Baekhyun does and grabs the remote, hitting play on the show he was watching. It's an episode he's already seen, but really he just wants to avoid Sehun digging even further, because he knows he would be tempted to seek out that second chance if someone worked hard enough to convince him. After all, he's spent these two days desperately missing Chanyeol but pretending he doesn't. But he's an idiot, just like Sehun said.

"Stay or don't," Baekhyun says, drawing the hood of his sweatshirt up and tugging the drawstrings tight around his face. "But I don't want to talk about it anymore." He hears Sehun sigh and get up to walk to the kitchen, reappearing a minute later with an armful of cheap beer.

Sehun hands Baekhyun one and cracks another open for himself. He drinks it without a word and doesn't even wince at the shitty taste this time.

It doesn't make Baekhyun feel great, but it's doesn't make things worse. It seems a bit more bearable though, the sudden loss of the best relationship Baekhyun's had, to have someone know the truth and still want to be around him.

+

Work is exactly the same when Baekhyun returns on Monday. His boss is still the biggest jerk on the planet and his assignments still asinine. Compared to all the things which have happened in his personal life, the fact that work is still exactly the same, the same tedious grind just to get a paycheck, is even more frustrating than usual. Even when Sehun walks in, back in his clothes that look like they're from the mid-tier department store instead of the designer outfit Baekhyun saw him in just a couple days ago, it doesn't feel that different. Sure, the knowledge of who Sehun really is floats in the back of his mind, but as they settle into the day to day again even that disappears into the background too.

It occurs in the middle of the day. He skips lunch despite Sehun's worried glance and uses the time instead to spit out some pathetic article about alternate uses for pot holders, but in between number six (fireplace decoration) and seven (children's tea party placemats) is when he has a passing thought wondering if Chanyeol might be free to distract him from how boring the workday is. But just as quickly comes the realization that he hasn't spoken to Chanyeol in over a week and that he's probably never going to speak to him again. Just like that, all the tears that wouldn't come since Minseok visited rush up on him and he barely escapes the office and into the bathroom, locking himself in a stall where he bursts out into heavy, ugly sobs, crouching on the floor and curling into himself.

He hears Sehun's voice, but he could be talking to Baekhyun or anyone else passing through hearing Baekhyun's breakdown. Everyone's going to know now, that Baekhyun is messed up about something and maybe some of them might even dig deep enough to figure out over what.

Sehun picks the lock. It's not really hard when all he has to do is stick a pen between the gap and flip the latch. He closes the door again behind him and gathers Baekhyun up, uncaring that anyone walking in now would see their feet in the same stall. Baekhyun's calmed down some, but he starts up again when Sehun hugs him, Sehun's height making it feel just a little bit like it could be Chanyeol.

"Hyung, if you just explain to him the truth," Sehun says, but Baekhyun shakes his head, wiping his face so he doesn't get Sehun's shirt gross. Maybe it's not Dior, but it's probably still more expensive than anything in Baekhyun's closet.

"I already signed that thing saying I wouldn't talk to him," Baekhyun says, taking a deep breath. "If he didn't want it, he wouldn't have let his manager make me sign."

"Is that who you think he is? Someone who breaks up with people through some cease and desist letter?" Sehun sounds angry and Baekhyun gets it, knows deep down that Chanyeol is somewhere hurting too, waiting for Baekhyun to reach out and tell him it's all a misunderstanding.

Baekhyun shakes his head. "I know he's not," he says, hugging his arms and shrugging. "I know exactly what kind of person he is. But I'm not." He struggles to find the words and just ends up shaking his head, smiling brokenly. "He's a good person, I know."

"You know you're a good person too."

"I want to be a good person," Baekhyun says. "So I'm not going to bother him."

"If that's your intention, you're doing it all wrong," Sehun says, crossing his arms. "You're being an idiot."

Baekhyun shrugs. "At least I'm being an idiot just to myself then," he says, unlocking the door and leaving before Sehun can say anything else. He passes the mirror and sees how terrible he looks, how it's going to be obvious to anyone that he's been crying. But at this rate, the entire office probably knows anyway.

His breakdown leaves him with an even stronger apathy of this place. There's no reason for him to stick around. He hates this job so much already and now it's just a constant reminder of why his relationship with Chanyeol was doomed from the beginning. He heads back to his desk and ignores the stares and whispers, typing up a two line resignation letter and printing it out.

He marches into his boss's office five minutes later and drops the envelope onto his desk.

"I quit," he says, and doesn't stick around for an acknowledgement. He heads right back to his drab little cubicle and starts packing up his things. Sehun stands off to the side and doesn't even look surprised this is all happening.

"I just want to state for the record that you're running away," Sehun says, as Baekhyun zips up his bag. "Don't go off and convince yourself that you're just doing what's best for him. You're being a coward."

Baekhyun slings his bag over his shoulder and tosses his badge on the desk. "Well, that's the only side of myself I've ever shown him, so I guess at least I'll be consistent."

"Hyung."

Baekhyun forces a smile. He'd offer to shake Sehun's hand, but he doesn't think Sehun would take it. "Good luck with this place. If we run into each other in the future, I won't pretend to be strangers."

Sehun frowns and Baekhyun doesn't want to prolong this awkward goodbye. Secret billionaire or not, Sehun has been the one bearable thing in this whole office and Baekhyun is going to miss him. He pats Sehun's arm and heads out the doors, no clue what lies ahead of him, but at least, finally, he's done this one thing he's been talking about for months — _years_. It won't do anything to fix how he messed up with Chanyeol, but maybe it can be the start of letting go.

+

Without a paycheck, Baekhyun can't afford to stay in his studio for more than another month. He definitely doesn't want to go crawling back to his parents' place, but he is going to need to figure something out quick.

Jongdae stops by later in the week with fried chicken and beer — good beer — in hand.

"I don't deserve you," Baekhyun says, when Jongdae turns down his offer to pay for half.

"That's a fact," Jongdae says, grabbing a couple plates to join Baekhyun on his futon. He wonders if anyone would want to buy this thing when he moves out and is a little sad at the thought of having to get rid of it. "How have you been holding up?"

They'd met up for drinks on Monday after Baekhyun walked out on his job. Jongdae had been proud of him for that, but less excited when Baekhyun filled him in on what happened with Chanyeol.

"Okay. Better." Baekhyun digs into a chicken wing. "Just trying to figure out my next step, I guess."

"Still won't attempt to talk to Chanyeol?"

Baekhyun sighs and sits back. "There's no use and I just don't want to. I've already caused enough trouble for him, so I should just leave it alone and let him move on. I want to move on too."

"You told me you love him."

"Yeah, well." Baekhyun shrugs. "I don't have to be with him to do that."

Jongdae stares at him for a long moment, then sighs too and grabs his beer. "So what are you going to do?" he says, taking a drink.

"I don't know yet," Baekhyun says, looking around. "But I have to move out of here next month. I could barely afford it with that shitty job and I covered next month with the last of what was in my account."

"You can crash with me for a while."

Baekhyun shakes his head. "You know we'd drive each other crazy," he says, smiling gratefully. "I need to get out of here anyway. The city's gotten to me."

"Well, if you change your mind, my door's open."

"Thanks, friend."

Baekhyun gets the idea when his mom sends him an old photo of him as a child, visiting his grandma a few years before he actually got sent to live with her. He's maybe 7 or 8 and covered in dirt, the overalls he has on one size too big. His grin is blinding though, one tooth missing in the front, and next to him is his grandma, laughing at something he probably said just before the photo was taken.

He only visits his grandma now during holidays, but she is just as spry and witty as when he stayed with her fifteen years ago. Each time he sees her, she says the same thing about how much she misses having him in the house, that it's just too quiet these days living by herself for so long.

Baekhyun picks up the phone and hopes she meant what she said.

+

It's not as difficult as Baekhyun expected adjusting to life out in the countryside again. It's so much quieter at night, almost dead silent except for the wind rustling through the trees or when the cicadas come out. His grandma had welcomed him in with no questions asked and even waved off when he thanked her for not telling his parents he'd moved in with her again.

"You know I'm always here for you, dumpling," she had said and scurried off to finish cooking a lunch much too big for just the two of them.

A couple weeks after he'd arrived, he saw a "Help Wanted" sign posted outside the building which housed the small town newspaper. They needed someone who could manage their website and there weren't too many people in a town of 5,000 who had the skills. Baekhyun got the job ten minutes after walking in.

He lets Jongdae know where he is and sends Sehun a text too. He doesn't expect a reply, but Sehun says it's nice to hear from him and to send photos of him in those stretchy, floral, old lady pants. Baekhyun knows his grandma has at least ten pairs.

The atmosphere at the local newspaper is world's different compared to _Shutter_. The news cycle is much slower and Baekhyun helps format and post at most five articles a day. Most of the time he's acting as tech support instead, helping all the aunties and uncles with their computers or phones. In return, they either feed him or offer to set him up with their daughters. Baekhyun accepts the former but politely declines the latter.

A month into the job, he approaches the editor, who's this petite, round auntie with a sharp, full laugh and asks if he could perhaps write some pieces for the newspaper. He's so used to his ideas being shot down the past few years that he asks her to repeat herself when she tells him he can write whatever he'd like. But she just says the exact same thing again.

So that's what he does. He doesn't write about anything groundbreaking, but it's a welcome change from the vapid listicles he used to churn out. The police station is just down the street and he swings by in the mornings, sometimes with whatever homemade dish his grandma decided to make too much of, and will get the lowdown on whatever's going on in the neighborhood. There's never anything that scandalous, but there's still something refreshing about covering who might be stealing Grandma Min's garlic from her garden.

The rest of summer passes like this and soon autumn is half over too. Baekhyun has become a permanent figure in town. All the seniors know him and his grandma likes to brag at dinner about how her grandson has become a local celebrity. Jongdae's visited a couple weekends and even Sehun has made it down once. It had been amusing to Baekhyun to see Sehun with his expensive, impeccable fashion sitting too big at his grandma's dining table and try to handle being the sole focus of a tiny, 70 year old woman intent on feeding him until he couldn't move.

He learned _Shutter_ was no longer under the management he knew and Sehun had officially outed himself and took over as interim president of the place.

"You could come back," Sehun had said in between Baekhyun's grandmother placing more and more food in his bowl. "I'm thinking of a complete re-brand, pivot the place to focus on long form pieces."

Baekhyun had considered it for a good minute or two, but ultimately turned it down. Sehun luckily hadn't pushed him on it and left the invitation open.

He knows eventually he'll need to make a decision. His parents still think he's living in the city so he'll have to either tell them the truth soon or figure out what his next step is.

The weather's started to dip a little, enough for Baekhyun to start wearing sweaters. He's at the office, progressing on his latest article. Lately he's been prone to these longer introspective opinion pieces about life, no doubt inspired by his personal state of limbo, like what being happy means, what success is, and they've been fairly well-received for a readership of a few thousand.

He takes a break to make some tea when he sees a message pop up on his phone from an unknown number. He almost dismisses it as spam, but stops when he sees a name he never expected.

_> > this is kyungsoo. is there an expiration on that coffee meeting?_

Baekhyun stares at it for a moment, then gets up and makes his tea like he had intended. When he returns, he picks up his phone and replies.

+

It's a bit surreal to see actor Do Kyungsoo walk into the single tiny cafe in town. Baekhyun didn't really think Kyungsoo would take up his offer to meet all the way out here, but his invitation was readily accepted. The cafe looks more like an attic with two booths built by the window as an afterthought. Most of the space is filled with random knick knacks, just two steps from being classified as hoarding.

Baekhyun orders himself an americano and Kyungsoo takes the auntie's recommendation of the plum tea. She gives them a serving of tea cakes too because she likes Baekhyun.

"I didn't know you actually got my number," Baekhyun says, after some small talk about what Kyungsoo is working on (a historical drama) and how Jongin's doing (preparing for a solo debut).

"I don't say things I don't mean."

"Okay, cool guy."

Kyungsoo smiles and it's all so unexpected, that Kyungsoo would want to reach out when surely he must have learned about the messy end between Baekhyun and Chanyeol. At the very least, the last thing Baekhyun expects from him is friendliness.

Kyungsoo sips his tea and looks out the window. "It's been six months, hasn't it?" he says, turning back to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun's about to disagree, but stops before he even starts, realizing with mild shock that Kyungsoo's right. Time feels slower out here and just like that, half a year has gone by and he didn't even know it.

"I guess so," Baekhyun says, cupping his hands around his mug. Six months seems like long enough for a person to get over a breakup. If that's the case, he doesn't know why Kyungsoo is here now. "Is everything okay?"

"Are we talking about something vague or someone specific?"

Baekhyun bounces his knee but it makes the table shake so he immediately stops. "If you came out all this way to have coffee when we've only met once almost six months ago."

Kyungsoo smiles and pushes his glasses up. "I always thought the story was funny, the one Minseok told about who you were," he says, spinning his clear tea cup idly. The plum blossoms floating inside rock slightly. "We met only once, you're right, but it wasn't a brief introduction."

"You waited this long just to tell me that?"

Kyungsoo grows a little more serious and contemplative. "I was going to leave it alone, but I wanted to hear your side of things. I know Minseok let his protectiveness cloud his judgment."

"Again, why now?"

"Because I want to know if you still feel something for him. Because he's...better, but he's miserable when he thinks no one is looking. He's no good at hiding."

Baekhyun bites his lip. "That sounds like you're guilting me."

"You were never using him," Kyungsoo says, and Baekhyun doesn't know whether to feel relief that someone on Chanyeol's side believes him after all this time or if he's upset that the person believing him isn't Chanyeol himself. "We didn't talk for long but it was clear that day your feelings for him were real."

"That was a while ago. Before I got dumped by his manager."

"You knew though, didn't you? That Chanyeol wanted to talk to you when he found out, but Minseok wouldn't let him. He called me after it all happened and said for sure you'd contact him to explain. But you didn't."

The auntie comes back and refills Kyungsoo's teapot with hot water. Baekhyun wants to fall back on old habits and use the opportunity to make his escape, but Kyungsoo keeps his eyes locked on him and the weight of his gaze keeps Baekhyun pressed to his seat. When she leaves them again, Baekhyun is antsy.

"I don't know what you came here looking for," Baekhyun says, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. "This isn't some drama where I'm going to run back to him. I didn't use him, but that's what my intentions had been in the beginning and I lied to him about who I was the entire time."

"You lied about where you worked, not who you were."

"Does it matter?" Baekhyun says. "I still lied."

"You're going to let that keep you from the opportunity of a second chance where everything's out in the open?"

"Look, there's just," Baekhyun says, hesitating as he tries to piece his thoughts together. "There's plenty of good people out there that will treat him like he's the most precious thing to them." Baekhyun's americano has gone cold and sits acidic on his tongue when he takes a sip.

"He misses you. Still. You blocked his number, didn't you?"

Baekhyun rubs his temple, not having a response on hand for anything Kyungsoo just said. He did have Chanyeol's number blocked, had done it the day he walked out the doors of _Shutter_ for the last time. He had done it because he hadn't been able to stomach the thought of Chanyeol calling him furious over Baekhyun's betrayal, even if the chances of it happening had been slim to none.

"It's not going to happen, I wouldn't even know where to begin again with him," Baekhyun says, the edges of his words perhaps a bit too sharp. "Sorry, but you wasted your time coming here."

Kyungsoo stares at him and the silence drags on for longer than Baekhyun likes before Kyungsoo sighs and sits back. "Can't say I didn't try." Baekhyun expects him to leave, but he doesn't and instead asks Baekhyun about all the things he's done since moving here a few months ago. Baekhyun almost would prefer he had left. He doesn't want to be involved with anything connected to Chanyeol anymore. Kyungsoo seems to sense this and picks up his coat when he finishes his tea, standing up from the booth to slip it on.

"If I can't convince you to give it another try, that's fine," Kyungsoo says, straightening his collar. "But if you ever cross paths with him again on your own, then take it as a sign. Don't run away from it if the second chance comes to you."

Baekhyun nods just to get Kyungsoo on his way. There's no way Baekhyun will ever let himself get into a position where he and Chanyeol would even be in the same city, much less get close enough that they might actually bump into each other.

Long after Kyungsoo leaves, Baekhyun is still at the cafe. He orders another drink, some chrysanthemum tea, and tries to forget about all the things Kyungsoo had said about Chanyeol and what it means that Chanyeol misses him. Still misses him. The auntie starts playing some old records, ballads from the 60s and 70s, and the longing in the songs makes it hard for Baekhyun to lie to himself and pretend like his feelings have dissipated any either.

Really, all he's been able to do is become good at compartmentalizing.

Chanyeol has barely begun the prime of his life. He is and will continue to be surrounded by more than enough people who could love him the way he deserves. Everyone needs a story of a first love and maybe Baekhyun can be Chanyeol's. With time, maybe Chanyeol could look back on them and laugh at how it all happened.

When he finally returns home, his grandma is setting the table. He gives her a kiss on the cheek and washes his hands, helping her bring out the rest of the side dishes. The TV is on in the background and Baekhyun freezes for a moment when he sees Chanyeol's face on screen.

It's a press release for a new movie. Chanyeol looks both exactly the same as the last time they saw each other months ago but also seems a lot older. Baekhyun writes it off as the way his hair is styled and because he looks so serious in a suit. His voice comes through the speakers deep and rich and Baekhyun thinks of all the different ways he's heard it, gleeful and sad and empty and, most clearly of all, gentle and warm right next to Baekhyun's ear as if the world was just the two of them.

It leaves Baekhyun unsteady.

"He seems like a nice boy," his grandma says.

The press coverage ends and Chanyeol's face disappears off the screen but lingers in Baekhyun's mind. He sits and picks up his chopsticks.

"Yeah. He is."

+

There's an unfamiliar face in the office when Baekhyun arrives the next Monday. It's a woman a few years older than him and she gets introduced as the daughter of the copy editor and also happens to be a features editor for National Geographic Korea.

It turns out she is looking for Baekhyun.

There's a little bit of irony in the fact that Baekhyun's spent years in the city trying to break into the competitive market of professional journalism without success, but just a few months of working at some local village newspaper where he spends most of his time writing updates about the cat that lives outside the FamilyMart he gets an offer to freelance for an internationally published magazine.

"Your op-eds have a certain spirit," she says to him, but he has no idea what that means. He wrote them thinking no one would actually read them. They're glorified diary entries.

The magazine is looking for fresh voices for an upcoming series. He'd be sent to Europe, if that's okay. Baekhyun says he needs some time to think about it, but when he gets home for dinner, the first thing he says to his grandma is that he's going on a work trip.

Two weeks later he is 35,000 feet in the air, Seoul just a tiny speck behind him, impossible to even see.

+

Europe is very European. Baekhyun hides out in his hotel room in Paris for the first day, plagued with jet lag and in general still trying to shake off being overwhelmed just by the process of getting through immigration and reaching for every English class from over ten years ago to not seem suspicious.

The assignment requires that he explore the city though, so he forces himself out on day two.

Even as the weather is getting colder, a jacket required for going out, Paris is still bustling. There are more Asian people out on the streets than he expects and he even catches bits and pieces of Korean as he passes through the stream of pedestrian traffic in the big shopping districts. He's never traveled solo before, so everything is new and daunting, but he is nothing if not filled with stubborn resolve.

As the days pass, he cares less and less about eating alone amongst tables filled with couples and families. He takes photos of the locals and their daily lives, but also fellow tourists, sometimes finding them more interesting than whatever landmark they're at.

At the Louvre, he spends an hour in line just waiting to get in and when he leaves late in the afternoon his camera is filled with photos of the crowds of people with their phones stretched in front of them, all recording their existence at this place in this moment in time, but because of what motivation, it isn't clear. Though it certainly isn't appreciation for the art. Baekhyun would ponder over it more back at his hotel, after he's freshly showered and his mind ready to sift through the day's material.

When he leaves Paris a week later, almost two thousand photos taken and his notebook half full with thoughts and questions, he almost feels like he's meant to do this. That perhaps the copy editor's daughter really had seen something in him.

+

The second stop is Italy. He lands in Rome, but is only there for two days before his schedule carts him to the north toward Florence. He takes the regional train and the Italian countryside is breathtaking. Baekhyun can't stop taking photos of everything he sees, no matter how mundane, and spends the entire three hours parked right next to the window.

Florence is everything Baekhyun had pictured in his head. The cobblestone streets, the winding alleys hiding quaint little restaurants that beckon him in with very little effort. His first meal after arriving is an early dinner right as the restaurants start opening their the doors for the evening crowd. He's the first customer of the night and is seated right by the window. The menu is mostly gibberish to him and he ends up asking the waiter to just surprise him.

From the very first bite of the fried zucchini, Baekhyun knows this will be one of the best meals of his life. He finishes off the starter, a pasta entree, and a rich chocolate cake for dessert. By the end, he really thinks someone will need to roll him out.

Briefly, suddenly, he thinks of how much Chanyeol would have liked the food and the ambience of this place. It comes from nowhere and Baekhyun doesn't know why he's thinking of Chanyeol now after weeks of focusing on this trip and assignment.

The sun is low in the sky when he leaves, the days getting shorter. It's much colder without the sunlight, but Baekhyun tolerates it and decides to walk the half an hour back to his hotel.

Now that Chanyeol's entered Baekhyun's mind once, he pops up again with ease especially since there's nothing strong enough to distract him. He wonders what Chanyeol is doing, if he's already met up with Kyungsoo and if Kyungsoo had revealed having coffee with Baekhyun. He wonders for what reason Chanyeol still misses him.

Baekhyun thinks he's done a good job of moving on. He misses Chanyeol too, but only the idea of them, the memory of how they'd been that last weekend before it'd all been ruined. Maybe one day he'd even be able to think of Chanyeol and not be driven to hide in a completely different city.

There's a bit of commotion up ahead. A small crowd has formed in the square near a church and from a block away, Baekhyun can see the bright lights used for photoshoots. The crowd is mostly other tourists and they don't linger that long. Perhaps it is just a photoshoot for a local ad.

Baekhyun's attention is on the small shops he passes by, peering into the windows to look at the artisan chocolate and souvenirs and handmade batches of pasta. When he gets to the end of the block, the square opening up in front of him, he forgets how to breathe.

He thinks he is hallucinating. He must be because there underneath the painfully bright flood lights is Chanyeol. Baekhyun's feet become rooted in place but thankfully he out of sight in the shadow of a building. Chanyeol is clearly the focus even now between shots, towering quietly over the production team who flit around him checking the equipment and the stylists who touch up his makeup and double check that his hair hasn't moved a strand out of place.

Chanyeol's eyes are closed as someone gently dabs powder over his forehead and cheeks. When he opens them again and smiles down at the stylist in thanks, Baekhyun realizes with a heavy, ill heart that he's not over Chanyeol at all. He hadn't even begun. Instead, all he'd done was shove his feelings behind a closed door, sweep it under a rug, and convinced himself that out of sight was the same thing as closure.

He had been foolish.

Baekhyun watches Chanyeol joke with the staff, his dimples when he laughs visible even from where Baekhyun is standing. It is obvious the entire production team loves him and Baekhyun can only think, of course, of course the only option is to love him.

Baekhyun shouldn't stay. The sun is about to sink under the horizon, but the light from the flood lamps means Baekhyun could be noticed. He shouldn't stay anyway. Each second which passes feels like someone has their hand around Baekhyun's heart, squeezing and squeezing, but seeing Chanyeol again after so long is also like finally breathing fresh air after being trapped underground. He hadn't even known he had felt like that.

Chanyeol laughs at something the photographer says, his entire face scrunching up like it's the funniest thing he's ever heard, head thrown back. Baekhyun wants to cry.

He leaves before that happens.

The most direct path back to the hotel is through this square, but he detours, obviously, going around the opposite side and hoping to blend into the crowd. He gives in to temptation and looks over his shoulder, but he doesn't see Chanyeol anymore and the crowd carries him away before he can find him.

Take it as a sign.

Baekhyun can't help but laugh to himself. He can't believe Kyungsoo's words came true, here of all places, practically halfway around the world. He almost thinks this was planned, but it's all a little bit too unbelievable for him to take much stock in that.

The sun finally sets and the night air gets even colder. Baekhyun shoves his hands in his pockets and pulls his shoulders up, muscles tense as he tries to keep out the chill. The streets are quieter now away from the main avenue, and Baekhyun stops in front of a closed shop with the window display still lit up. It's a stationery shop, the shelves in the window showcasing fancy leather-bound journals. He makes a note to come back here during the day.

He's studying the intricate design on one of the covers when a weight suddenly falls over his shoulders. He looks down and sees a suit jacket draped over him and jerks his head back up to meet Chanyeol's eyes through the reflection in the glass.

"You were shivering," Chanyeol says. He looks breathtaking, even though he looks a bit disheveled now without a team of stylists following him around. As if he just jogged a few blocks. Or because he's a bit unkempt he's even more gorgeous. His hair blows in the breeze and his tie is loose and Baekhyun is two seconds away from panicking. When Baekhyun doesn't say anything or even move, Chanyeol says, "You're pretty hard to get a hold of."

The jacket is warm and somehow already smells like Chanyeol. It almost drowns Baekhyun's smaller frame and it takes a lot for him not to wrap it tighter around himself. He knows he has to say something but he has no clue what. His voice probably doesn't even work, his mouth and throat suddenly dry.

Chanyeol steps up and turns Baekhyun to him, forcing Baekhyun to make eye contact by tipping his chin up.

"Hi, hyung."

Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut and stumbles back, out of reach. When he opens them again, Chanyeol looks crestfallen. "I'm not supposed to talk to you," he says. "I'm not even supposed to be near you. How did you even..."

Chanyeol slips his hands into his pockets. "I tore that up when Minseok-hyung finally told me about it a couple months ago. You would've known if you hadn't blocked my number."

Baekhyun covers his face with both hands. He hates the way Chanyeol is speaking to him, so patient and calm, as if Baekhyun had never messed up at all. He hates that even after months, Chanyeol is able to dredge up all these heavy, tangled feelings with just a few words. He goes to take Chanyeol's jacket off, but Chanyeol stops him easily and steps in close again, pulling Baekhyun by the lapels right into a hug.

It hurts. Baekhyun doesn't even have the strength to push away a second time even though it hurts to have Chanyeol this close.

"I missed you," Chanyeol says quietly, his words warm puffs against Baekhyun's ear. Baekhyun holds his breath and balls his hands up at his sides. "I'm so happy to see you."

Baekhyun takes a gasping breath and lets it out in an ugly sob, his hands coming up to clutch Chanyeol's shirt tightly. He presses his face to Chanyeol's chest, too ashamed to be seen. Chanyeol holds him tighter and brings one hand up to cradle the back of Baekhyun's head. Baekhyun can't stop crying, both so relieved that somehow he's received this chance to be in front of Chanyeol again and scared of what it means. He wonders if Minseok is somewhere around here waiting to remind Chanyeol just what Baekhyun did, that there's no reason to be happy to see him at all.

Chanyeol eases back enough to brush his thumbs across Baekhyun's cheeks and Baekhyun lets out a terribly unattractive sniffle. He speaks softly to Baekhyun and takes his hand and Baekhyun follows automatically, like a child whose scraped their knee and just wants comfort.

They head back toward the square and stop at the edge of the set where the staff is already breaking stuff down. Baekhyun keeps his eyes on the ground and doesn't dare lift it when people come by to speak to Chanyeol. If any of them think it's weird Chanyeol is holding hands with a guy they've never seen before, who's wearing the jacket Chanyeol's supposed to be wearing, they don't say anything.

The last person who comes up is Minseok. Chanyeol tightens his grip on Baekhyun's hand before he has a chance to pull away, and he certainly does try. They speak too quietly for Baekhyun to hear more than a few random words and then Chanyeol is taking him away again, down another side street. They don't talk, but Baekhyun feels Chanyeol's eyes on him the whole time.

After maybe ten minutes, Chanyeol stops in front of a building guarded by a set of heavy, deep green double doors. Beyond them is a small courtyard with a fountain in the center, trickling away. There's an elevator off to the side and Chanyeol guides Baekhyun inside and though he's already overwhelmed by what's happening, his breath still catches when the doors open up to a gorgeous open apartment. Wooden beams run along the high ceiling and the floors are a shiny dark cherry. On the left is a modest, but gourmet kitchen and the living room is in front of them, the windows opening up to a view of the river maybe a hundred meters away.

It's so different, but Baekhyun still can't help but be reminded of the beach house.

Chanyeol takes his jacket from Baekhyun's shoulders and drapes it over an armchair. He leads Baekhyun to the sofa large enough that it could easily seat six people. "I'll make us some coffee," he says and leaves Baekhyun there.

Baekhyun rubs at his eyes, feeling how swollen they still are. There's a silver bowl on the side table for decoration and he leans over to try and see how terrible he looks, but his reflection is too distorted to tell. He's barely started to process where he is and who he's with. Part of him still thinks this is a hallucination. The chances of him finding Chanyeol in a completely different country are too slim for this to actually be real.

Chanyeol returns with two cups. The one he places in front of Baekhyun is closer to caramel in color. He remembers the way Baekhyun likes his coffee. It shouldn't be surprising. Baekhyun remembers Chanyeol's too, among many other things.

"This place is nice."

Chanyeol looks around. "Yeah, it's a bit overkill for just one person, but I can't complain. Some of the staff are staying in the downstairs unit."

Baekhyun nods and tucks his hands between his knees, making himself small without really thinking about it. He still can't look directly at Chanyeol.

"How have you been?" Chanyeol says, holding his coffee cup but not drinking any. "What are you doing in Italy?"

Baekhyun opens his mouth to answer, but he suddenly wonders just what the hell he's doing. What they're both doing, sitting here trying to have a conversation as if they're two friends catching up instead of exes who broke up because Baekhyun got caught lying about who he was and what his intentions had been. None of this should feel normal. He stands up. This isn't where he's supposed to be.

Chanyeol quickly puts down his cup to grab Baekhyun's hand. "Don't," he says, clutching tightly. "We found each other halfway across the world. Talk to me. Tell me what's going on in your head."

"This isn't real," Baekhyun says, a dry laugh escaping him. "This can't possibly be real."

"Hyung."

Chanyeol's hands are warm around Baekhyun's. And grounding through the mess of thoughts and noise in Baekhyun's head.

"I lied to you," Baekhyun says, the words still not easy even though Chanyeol already knows. "I lied and I was going to use you."

"But you didn't."

Baekhyun sits back down and stares at his hand, completely enveloped in Chanyeol's large palms. What he can't wrap his head around is how easy Chanyeol is forgiving him, almost like he was never upset in the first place. "Why aren't you mad?"

Chanyeol furrows his brow. "At you? About what?"

"About what!" Baekhyun doesn't know if he should be laughing.

"I didn't know Minseok-hyung made you sign that stupid thing. He told me about you and I needed some time to process it, but I wasn't angry. I tried to call you, but you'd already blocked my number and then I had a project in Japan and when I came back to your place you had already moved out. If anything I was— I was worried. I didn't know where you were and Minseok wouldn't tell me anything. The only thing that kept me from bailing on my next project was when I found out Sehun knew you and then Jongdae approached me when we ran into each other at the broadcast station he works at."

"You saw Jongdae?"

"Yeah, maybe two months ago?"

Jongdae had visited Baekhyun just before he went on this trip and didn't say a single thing. The worst friend.

"He was really aggressive actually," Chanyeol says, like it's amusing. "He defended you and said you were never taking advantage of me. But."

Baekhyun bites his lip. "But what?"

"I already knew."

The laugh Baekhyun lets out is breathless and sharp and Chanyeol still hasn't let go of his hand, probably knows that Baekhyun is still a flight risk. He doesn't know what the next step is, what Chanyeol had wanted to hear from him when he asked how Baekhyun's been. He's been hiding. He's been pretending that distance and time would fix the ache in him of Chanyeol's sudden absence. He's been punishing himself, convinced that his presence in Chanyeol's life would just be a nuisance.

"Hyung, have you forgotten what you made me promise that day?"

Baekhyun has, but it's not hard to remember again. A day like that he won't be able to forget no matter how hard he tries. It just takes a bit of effort to dust the memory off from where he shoves all of his bad days. He remembers the terrible look on Chanyeol's face that morning when Baekhyun thought he was being responsible by hiding his feelings, he remembers the fraught silence in the car on their drive back to the city, he remembers thinking he could fix Chanyeol's hurt feelings with just a hug and a suggestion to not have anything change between them. He remembers.

_I'll be here._

And Chanyeol was. Has been this whole time. Baekhyun is the one who left.

"You can't possibly," Baekhyun says, his voice quiet and wavering.

"I can't possibly what? Still mean what I promised?" Chanyeol scoots closer and something kindles in Baekhyun without his permission. It feels a lot like hope. "I tried to make Sehun and Jongdae tell me where you were, but they're pretty protective of you."

It's hard for Baekhyun to keep resisting. Chanyeol radiates warmth and it's so clear he's just waiting for Baekhyun to forgive himself.

"We agreed, didn't we?" Chanyeol says, touching his forehead to Baekhyun's. A gentle nudge. "You at least have to stay with me until you finish teaching me Gay Dating 101."

Baekhyun laughs, weak and yeah, hopeful. "And after I finish?"

"Then there's Gay Dating 201."

Baekhyun's heart gets lighter and lighter. Carefully, he squeezes Chanyeol's hand, the hand which caught him and refuses to let go for anything. Chanyeol releases a sigh of relief, smiling with too much teeth, and Baekhyun allows himself to think how wonderful it is that Chanyeol looks so beautiful because of him.

+

Baekhyun still has two days in Florence and then one more stop in Vienna before returning to Seoul. Chanyeol tries to get him to stay at his rental and it's certainly tempting, the apartment about a hundred times nicer than his hotel room, but he knows if he gives in he'll never complete his assignment.

They compromise with Baekhyun allowing Chanyeol to tag along the rest of the days he's there. It also takes a lot of effort to convince Chanyeol not to change his plans and follow Baekhyun to Austria. If Chanyeol had waited months for Baekhyun, he could handle another week.

But one week apart turns into two into three when Baekhyun gets back and locks himself in his grandma's house to feverishly write pages and pages, translating his piles of notes and thoughts into something people might want to read.

This time, though, Baekhyun does not have Chanyeol's number blocked and apologizes for being so unreachable, but Chanyeol tells him not to worry and to work hard. Chanyeol sends a few selfies of himself and Baekhyun looks at them during his breaks throughout the day, a reward for making progress.

The day he turns in his final draft is the same day he sends Chanyeol his grandma's address and invites him down to celebrate. Baekhyun didn't think it was possible, but it's way more amusing to watch Chanyeol be the subject of his grandma's attention, though he gets caught up in it too when his grandma corners him in the kitchen and asks if the young man sitting at her dining table means Baekhyun is finally done running away.

"I think I'm ready to be an adult now," Baekhyun says, hugging her. It's a poor thanks for all she's done for him in the past few months, but she seems happy anyway.

She sends Baekhyun back out with a plate of fruit and pinches his cheek. "Good. Your first job is never letting that nice boy out of your sight."

Baekhyun laughs sharply and Chanyeol looks at him curiously when he appears.

"Everything okay?" Chanyeol says, a bit surprised when Baekhyun sits next to him and takes his hand.

"Everything is great," says Baekhyun, and he believes it even though there's still so many unknowns ahead, because right now he is here with Chanyeol whose grip is comforting and firm, so even if Baekhyun stumbles or loses his way, he knows Chanyeol will guide him back to exactly where he belongs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that rushed ending! wow! i really use the exact same plot devices and motifs in all of my fics! campaign to do better 2k19 i guess.
> 
> i am on the [twitters](https://twitter.com/ensnarable).


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